Wedding Woes

My boundaries are not respected.

Dear Prudence, 

I have a problem with people not taking me seriously. I am a short woman in my mid-20s. I am usually pretty laid-back and don’t always have a lot to say in larger social groups. When I say “no” or push back on someone else’s comments (usually when someone crosses the line while teasing or says something sexist), some people don’t seem to believe I’m serious. They make jokes and carry on or go, “Aw, you’re so cute when you’re mad,” which makes me go from “calmly setting boundaries” to actually mad. I’m so annoyed that I can’t say “no” without seeming “cute” or angry or a weird mix of both! I generally just stop associating with such personalities, but I can’t always avoid them. How do I push back against this attitude?

—Not Taken Seriously

Re: My boundaries are not respected.

  • By telling them they are not taking you seriously. 

    Keep setting boundaries and enforcing them. But if your “friends” aren’t respecting them, are they really your friends?
  • Hi, LW!  I'm you.  20 years later, lol.

    5'0".  Round, cherubic face.  Do people sometimes mistake you for being a teenager?  I also have a typically friendly and easy going personality.

    As an aside, enjoy being carded everywhere you go.  Because it actually does stop one day, lol.

    Right now, you are seeing your problem as a disadvantage.  I hear ya.  It is annoying.  But turn it into an advantage.  Practice speaking with a confident, assured tone and manner.  That's a skill that will help anyone immeasurably throughout their life.  You've been given a reason to learn this skill sooner.  Perfect the dead-pan tone and stare.  To be used when standing up for yourself.  Such as in a reply like, "No.  I'm mad when I'm mad.  Why do you feel the need to speak to me in such a belittling and patronizing way?" 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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