Dear Prudence,
I’ve had the same close friend group since high school. We are now all in our early 20s and in different stages in our lives. My friend “Alex” and I are working, going to school, and have driver’s licenses. The other three live with their parents, are working on their art, and don’t drive. Alex and I have happily helped out with lifts and paying for the bulk of our group activities since we were 16. Over the years I’ve always had a strained relationship with “Jane.” I feel like she only has time for me when she wants something. This semester, Jane, who’s never been to college, decided that she wanted to take a class with me at the community college where I take an extra class every semester.
So, without telling me, she signed up to join my class, then assumed that I would drive her. Because of where we’re both coming from, that means I don’t get home until 11:30 p.m., but I have to be up at 3 a.m. for work. I work full time and attend two schools. I finally told her that I couldn’t drive her anymore, as I just don’t have the time, but that I would drive her for another week so she had time to arrange for another ride. She told me that I was the most selfish person she knows, which is why everyone hates me, and that I just don’t want to see her succeed. At this point I really just want to be done with Jane. I think I deserve to be treated better than this. I’ve expressed this to the rest of my friends, and they all agree that Jane has acted badly, but they still invite her to everything. The group expectation is that I continue on the way I had been, including picking her up so she can participate. I feel like my options are business as usual or walk away from all of my friends. I know that at this age it’s normal to drift away from each other, but I’m scared to be alone, and I don’t make friends easily. Do I have any other options?
—Borderline Friendless