Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Woes
Wedding Woes
New Discussion

Keep saying you don't want/need her help. And share no details with them.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,

I have a cousin who’s something of a mean girl. We’re the same age, and most of her comments to me seem competitive or jealous or both. I usually just avoid her, but recently I got engaged. She used to work for a wedding planner before she had a baby. Now she’s decided that she’s going to help me with my wedding. I’ve both politely and bluntly made excuses for why I don’t want her help, but my aunts have all decided this is great and dismiss every excuse I make. She’s already started with some nasty commentary regardless (apparently, she thinks my fiancé is ugly). Is there a way to shut this down entirely without saying, “I don’t want to deal with you because you’re obnoxious”?

—Wedding Planner–Zilla
Report Reply to Post

Re: Keep saying you don't want/need her help. And share no details with them.

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    First Answer First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    I don't understand why LW has to do anything here. I'm assuming these people are just talking and if LW simply doesn't engage, the cousin won't know what's going on to try to help. If no one knows where/when your appointments are, they can't crash. If no one knows any details, they can't judge or involve themselves. 

    I would just keep saying "No, thank you!'" every time it comes up. And quietly plan my wedding. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    Report Reply
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    "As I have said before, we do not want your assistance to plan our wedding.  This is something that FI and I want to do together and alone.  Thanks for thinking of us though."

    If Aunt bring it up, just change the subject!

    Report Reply
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited February 2019
    I find this so stupid, and also that there has to be more to the story.  Has this cousin planned everyone else's wedding in the family?  Do the aunts harbor some notion that LW and cousin are BFF's or something?  How often are they all seeing each other that this is really a big issue?  Because LW can, you know, not answer the phone/respond to messages or not go around their extended family if they're going to be all up in her business with this shit.  That's where LW should start.  And if LW wants to post shit on social media about wedding planning and doesn't want them to see it, she can edit a post's audience.  So there's plenty that can be done, since LW has stated her wishes and been ignored. 

    Plus, where are LW's parents in this? 

    I have an overbearing aunt (dad's sister) who tries to tell my parents that they can dictate to us what to do, and my mom shuts her shit down all the time that we're adults with our own families and plans and no, she cannot compel (nor does she want to) us to drop our lives to do what my aunt wants us to.   
    Report Reply
  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Can this cousin not take a hint, or is the problem that she is so arrogant that when LW says no, she is thinking "she doesn't know what's good for her so I'll do this anyway"?  I find that very condescending.  
    I think LW should just keep saying "no".  My MIL wanted to do a tonne of stuff in my wedding.  Still got her claws in for some areas, but for the most part we just didn't tell her anything and did our thing.  And she probably HATED my wedding because it wasn't what she was thinking, but doesn't matter.  LW's cousin will probably trash talk the wedding because she didn't get to do what she wanted, but it really doesn't matter as long as the couple is happy and the guests are taken care of.

    Report Reply
  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Literally stop talking about the wedding. To anyone (except those persons who are paying). This doesn’t need to include the entire extended family, and by the sounds of it definitely shouldn’t!
    Report Reply
  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Like @mrsconn23 I can’t imagine that there not being lots of other factors going on that LW can’t just keep them out of the discussion.  How are they even weighing in? Just don’t discuss it with them.  
    Report Reply
  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I honestly don't understand shit like this.  Maybe because I didn't grow up around extended family (thank god) and honestly couldn't pick my cousins out of a lineup but why do her aunts and cousin have so much power over the LW?   Don't take their calls, don't talk to them, just stop giving them head space and power.  Grown ass adults don't have to put up with this if they don't want to. 

    Report Reply
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    drunkenwitch said:
    I honestly don't understand shit like this.  Maybe because I didn't grow up around extended family (thank god) and honestly couldn't pick my cousins out of a lineup but why do her aunts and cousin have so much power over the LW?   Don't take their calls, don't talk to them, just stop giving them head space and power.  Grown ass adults don't have to put up with this if they don't want to. 
    I grew up around some extended family (dad's side, for the most part. Grandma's Sunday dinners were our jam.) and would still be all, "Um WTF?" about an aunt trying to dictate my wedding.  I really, really don't get people who let extended family impact them this way.  
    Report Reply
  • missJeanLouisemissJeanLouise member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Seriously, stop talking to them about it. I don’t understand how people get themselves into these situations.
    Report Reply
  • levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I can understand the drama with an extended family like this. Even if you don’t play into it it’s still exhausting. Case in point, ever since I got engaged my aunt has been asking me for a wedding date so she can throw a shower. When I mentioned I’m trying to get FI on board with city hall and so would forgo a shower she insisted on throwing one anyways. I’ve told her numerous times we haven’t decided on plans yet. I never bring up the engagement or wedding (that we haven’t even started to marginally plan). I’m also graduating this year and she is insisting I have a big party. I don’t want/need a big party. It’s almost unfathomable to her I wouldn’t want one. I’m not going to let something happen that I don’t want to do, but it gets exhausting fielding the questions all the time. 


    image
    Report Reply
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    This is a ghost thread that originated in early 2019 and Prudie day (Thursdays on the WW board).  Please remember to check the date a post was originally made before replying...  Also, vendor posts are highly frowned upon and a potential TOS violation unless someone is specifically asking for a specific local recommendation of a vendor which is typically done on the "Local Wedding Boards"...
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards