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Usher/Usherette

knottie22547a37bac55870knottie22547a37bac55870 member
5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
edited March 2019 in Wedding Party
My fiance has two nieces and two nephews all of which are siblings. The nieces are our flower girls and the one nephew is our ring bearer. My fiance wants to include his other nephew some how and his family recommended making him an usher. I think it would be a lot to expect a 14 year old to hand out programs and seat people. I was thinking someone else could hand out the programs and the nephew could seat people or he could hand out the programs and someone else could seat people. Do you think it is too much for one person to seat 140-160 people? My thought was that we could just have him greet and pass out programs and everyone can seat themselves. We aren't doing sides so it doesn't matter where people sit. 
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Re: Usher/Usherette

  • sparklepants41sparklepants41 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    knottie22547a37bac55870 said:
    My fiance has two nieces and two nephews all of which are siblings. The nieces are our flower girls and the one nephew is our ring bearer. My fiance wants to include his other nephew some how and his family recommended making him an usher. I think it would be a lot to expect a 14 year old to hand out programs and seat people. I was thinking someone else could hand out the programs and the nephew could seat people or he could hand out the programs and someone else could seat people. Do you think it is too much for one person to seat 140-160 people? 
    Roles in one's wedding are supposed to be a way of honoring that person. Giving them a chore that a basket can do (passing out programs) is not an honor. 

    Can you and your fiance ask him to do a special reading during your ceremony? Or would your fiance ask him to be a groomsman? 

    And regarding your last question - yes having one person seat 140-160 people is too much. It's another chore - not an honor. Unless someone truly has mobility issues or physical disabilities that make it difficult for them to walk down and aisle and seat themselves without assistance, you can just trust that people will seat themselves accordingly. 
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  • knottie22547a37bac55870knottie22547a37bac55870 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    sparklepants41 said:
    knottie22547a37bac55870 said:
    My fiance has two nieces and two nephews all of which are siblings. The nieces are our flower girls and the one nephew is our ring bearer. My fiance wants to include his other nephew some how and his family recommended making him an usher. I think it would be a lot to expect a 14 year old to hand out programs and seat people. I was thinking someone else could hand out the programs and the nephew could seat people or he could hand out the programs and someone else could seat people. Do you think it is too much for one person to seat 140-160 people? 
    Roles in one's wedding are supposed to be a way of honoring that person. Giving them a chore that a basket can do (passing out programs) is not an honor. 

    Can you and your fiance ask him to do a special reading during your ceremony? Or would your fiance ask him to be a groomsman? 

    And regarding your last question - yes having one person seat 140-160 people is too much. It's another chore - not an honor. Unless someone truly has mobility issues or physical disabilities that make it difficult for them to walk down and aisle and seat themselves without assistance, you can just trust that people will seat themselves accordingly. 
    Having him as a groomsman is not an option because all of his groomsmen have been picked and he would not able to be include in the things the other groomsmen are doing such as the bachelor party because he is only 14 and the groomsmen will be going out drinking. 
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  • sparklepants41sparklepants41 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    knottie22547a37bac55870 said:
    sparklepants41 said:
    knottie22547a37bac55870 said:
    My fiance has two nieces and two nephews all of which are siblings. The nieces are our flower girls and the one nephew is our ring bearer. My fiance wants to include his other nephew some how and his family recommended making him an usher. I think it would be a lot to expect a 14 year old to hand out programs and seat people. I was thinking someone else could hand out the programs and the nephew could seat people or he could hand out the programs and someone else could seat people. Do you think it is too much for one person to seat 140-160 people? 
    Roles in one's wedding are supposed to be a way of honoring that person. Giving them a chore that a basket can do (passing out programs) is not an honor. 

    Can you and your fiance ask him to do a special reading during your ceremony? Or would your fiance ask him to be a groomsman? 

    And regarding your last question - yes having one person seat 140-160 people is too much. It's another chore - not an honor. Unless someone truly has mobility issues or physical disabilities that make it difficult for them to walk down and aisle and seat themselves without assistance, you can just trust that people will seat themselves accordingly. 
    Having him as a groomsman is not an option because all of his groomsmen have been picked and he would not able to be include in the things the other groomsmen are doing such as the bachelor party because he is only 14 and the groomsmen will be going out drinking. 
    So have him do a reading. 

    But don't ask him to do a chore on your wedding day and try to pass it off like an honor. 
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  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    It may sound crazy but ushers were something I learned about when I came to these boards.  They’re just not a thing in my circle.  I’ve always been able to grab a program and seat myself.

    Your FI should go ahead and make his nephew a GM if they’re close.  The only requirement for BP members is standing with the couple during the ceremony in the agreed upon attire, so the nephew’s age/ability to drink shouldn’t have anything to do with your FI’s decision.  I do understand not wanting to exclude one sibling with the other three are involved.
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  • knottie22547a37bac55870knottie22547a37bac55870 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    MobKaz said:
    In our area, the groomsmen also double as the ushers, if needed.  
    There is NO reason the 14 year old nephew cannot be a groomsman.  If one of the older groomsmen couldn't/didn't attend the bachelor party, he would still be in the wedding party, no?  You also do NOT need to have even sides, so that is also no reason not to include this nephew in the wedding party.
    Ask the nephew if he would like to be a groomsman, and they can all serve as ushers.  Perhaps you and your FI can take all 4 of the younger ones to a nice lunch or dinner in lieu of the bachelor/bachelorette events.  My DD had her 11 year old cousin as a bridesmaid.  While she did not attend any "mature" events, she was invited to the shower, and was included in a mani/pedi day/luncheon with all the bridesmaids.
    I don't think we would be able to take them to lunch or anything because they live out of state and I am not sure when they are even coming to town. The only reason we are including the older nephew is because of his siblings. 
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  • knottie22547a37bac55870knottie22547a37bac55870 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    eileenrob said:
    It may sound crazy but ushers were something I learned about when I came to these boards.  They’re just not a thing in my circle.  I’ve always been able to grab a program and seat myself.

    Your FI should go ahead and make his nephew a GM if they’re close.  The only requirement for BP members is standing with the couple during the ceremony in the agreed upon attire, so the nephew’s age/ability to drink shouldn’t have anything to do with your FI’s decision.  I do understand not wanting to exclude one sibling with the other three are involved.
    They aren't super close. We live about 7 or 8 hours apart so my fiance might see him once a year if that. They don't really talk. I'm not sure if the nephew even really wants to be in the wedding because he is on the shyer side. 
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  • maine7mobmaine7mob member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Whether a job is an honor or not really depends on the age of the person. A 10 year old would totally feel honored and special to hand out programs. A 14 year old, not so much. But he might actually enjoy seating people, depending on his maturity level. Kids at that age like to have some authority, and directing people where to sit would be a way of wielding authority to a young teen. The main thing is to make him feel included. If you can't see a way to do that, just invite him as a guest. But in general, tweens and teens like to have responsibility.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    FWIW, I had my young cousins as ushers. They were 12-15 at the time. They did not seat all of the guests, but they did escort the moms, grandparents, and a few guests with mobility issues. Ushers generally aren't a thing in my area, but it's considered an honor to escort MOB/MOG. But these are people with whom I'm close and wanted to include. Even though they live 6 hours away, I was excited to call them and ask them.

    It sounds like your FI really doesn't care about including this kid and doesn't have much of a relationship with him. Better to just leave him to be a guest rather than put him in an awkward position. 
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  • knottie22547a37bac55870knottie22547a37bac55870 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    maine7mob said:
    Whether a job is an honor or not really depends on the age of the person. A 10 year old would totally feel honored and special to hand out programs. A 14 year old, not so much. But he might actually enjoy seating people, depending on his maturity level. Kids at that age like to have some authority, and directing people where to sit would be a way of wielding authority to a young teen. The main thing is to make him feel included. If you can't see a way to do that, just invite him as a guest. But in general, tweens and teens like to have responsibility.

    I was kind of thinking he might like getting to direct people. I know adults wouldn't really like this job, but a teenager might. Our main thing like you said is to make him feel included.
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  • maine7mobmaine7mob member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    ^^that's why I suggested it. When my son was about that age, he got to usher in a theatre for a couple of gigs and loved it. Teens really do like responsibility, as long as they know it's real, and not patronizing. You are the best judge of whether this kid would enjoy it.
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  • knottie22547a37bac55870knottie22547a37bac55870 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    maine7mob said:
    ^^that's why I suggested it. When my son was about that age, he got to usher in a theatre for a couple of gigs and loved it. Teens really do like responsibility, as long as they know it's real, and not patronizing. You are the best judge of whether this kid would enjoy it.

    I know his parents tend to exclude him from a lot of things which is why we feel it is so important to include. From what his mother has said all of them are really excited to be in the wedding.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    If you and your FI are not willing to treat him as a groomsman because he's under age (there is no age requirement that a groomsman has to be of drinking age), then either he can do a reading or just be a guest. He does not need a "role" to be "included."

    But do not ask him to hand out anything or be the sole person who escorts more than 100 persons to their seats. Neither is "inclusive." They are unnecessary jobs (except for guests with mobility issues).
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