I was exhausted just reading this (SFW)

Re: I was exhausted just reading this (SFW)

• downtondiva member

  

  May 2019

  I, too, am exhausted! 

  
  

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• short+sassy member

  

  May 2019

  Perhaps I need an education in the latest lingo, but what is the LW talking about that she and her BFF and most of their friends are "empaths"?  Almost like it's a title and an objective (not subjective) quality of a person.  I mean, I sort of know what the word empath means.  Thanks fictional character Deanna Troi on Star Trek. 
  
  I'm just asking because I have literally never had a conversation with anybody as to if they are an "empath" or not, yet apparently the LW has.  It seems like a weird word that isn't a real thing, but let me know if I'm mistaken on that.
  
  Sure, some people are more attune to other's feelings.  But it seems like the LW is taking this identity, blowing it way out of proportion, and uses it as a crutch for their "woe is me" self-defeating tale.  Like, "Life is so HARD when you're an empath (back of hand to forehead). Everyone's emotions. It's too much." Gag.
  

  

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• VarunaTT member

  

  May 2019

  short+sassy said:

  Perhaps I need an education in the latest lingo, but what is the LW talking about that she and her BFF and most of their friends are "empaths"?  Almost like it's a title and an objective (not subjective) quality of a person.  I mean, I sort of know what the word empath means.  Thanks fictional character Deanna Troi on Star Trek. 
  
  I'm just asking because I have literally never had a conversation with anybody as to if they are an "empath" or not, yet apparently the LW has.  It seems like a weird word that isn't a real thing, but let me know if I'm mistaken on that.
  
  Sure, some people are more attune to other's feelings.  But it seems like the LW is taking this identity, blowing it way out of proportion, and uses it as a crutch for their "woe is me" self-defeating tale.  Like, "Life is so HARD when you're an empath (back of hand to forehead). Everyone's emotions. It's too much." Gag.
  

  Oh, I have lots of people in my circles using "empath" like that.  I do not care for it, TBH. 
  
  I am very good at reading other's emotions.  The reason why i'm good at it is not b/c I'm an empath (though I strive to be empathetic), it's b/c I had a horrible childhood and reading people's emotions was a survival mechanism.  I really resent the flowery implications of "empath."  Also, I totally agree with this therapist, b/c every time someone has told me they're an empath (and this is about 3 people), I've thought they were co-dependent.
  
  Honestly, there's more than 4 people in the world to be friends with.  If your friend can't respect boundaries w/out being hurt, it's time to admit maybe y'all shouldn't be friends and move along.  I've had to do this recently, b/c I had to make some boundaries with a very good friend, she was hurt by it and froze me out, and for all intents and purposes the friendship is now over b/c she continues to repeat the behavior I couldn't deal with anymore.  It sucks and it hurts, and it's still the right decision.

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• mrsconn23 member

  

  May 2019

  VarunaTT said:

  short+sassy said:

  Perhaps I need an education in the latest lingo, but what is the LW talking about that she and her BFF and most of their friends are "empaths"?  Almost like it's a title and an objective (not subjective) quality of a person.  I mean, I sort of know what the word empath means.  Thanks fictional character Deanna Troi on Star Trek. 
  
  I'm just asking because I have literally never had a conversation with anybody as to if they are an "empath" or not, yet apparently the LW has.  It seems like a weird word that isn't a real thing, but let me know if I'm mistaken on that.
  
  Sure, some people are more attune to other's feelings.  But it seems like the LW is taking this identity, blowing it way out of proportion, and uses it as a crutch for their "woe is me" self-defeating tale.  Like, "Life is so HARD when you're an empath (back of hand to forehead). Everyone's emotions. It's too much." Gag.
  

  Oh, I have lots of people in my circles using "empath" like that.  I do not care for it, TBH. 
  
  I am very good at reading other's emotions.  The reason why i'm good at it is not b/c I'm an empath (though I strive to be empathetic), it's b/c I had a horrible childhood and reading people's emotions was a survival mechanism.  I really resent the flowery implications of "empath."  Also, I totally agree with this therapist, b/c every time someone has told me they're an empath (and this is about 3 people), I've thought they were co-dependent.

  
  

  THIS!  
  
  I honestly put people who are self-identified 'empaths' in the same grouping with people who are 'cutting' in a way that they can say they're being 'funny' but they're really being a dick or people who demand your loyalty and you can never challenge them without them essentially taking their ball and going home.  
  
  Pretty much describing all reality stars on Bravo.   

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• short+sassy member

  

  May 2019

  VarunaTT said:

  short+sassy said:

  Perhaps I need an education in the latest lingo, but what is the LW talking about that she and her BFF and most of their friends are "empaths"?  Almost like it's a title and an objective (not subjective) quality of a person.  I mean, I sort of know what the word empath means.  Thanks fictional character Deanna Troi on Star Trek. 
  
  I'm just asking because I have literally never had a conversation with anybody as to if they are an "empath" or not, yet apparently the LW has.  It seems like a weird word that isn't a real thing, but let me know if I'm mistaken on that.
  
  Sure, some people are more attune to other's feelings.  But it seems like the LW is taking this identity, blowing it way out of proportion, and uses it as a crutch for their "woe is me" self-defeating tale.  Like, "Life is so HARD when you're an empath (back of hand to forehead). Everyone's emotions. It's too much." Gag.
  

  Oh, I have lots of people in my circles using "empath" like that.  I do not care for it, TBH. 
  
  I am very good at reading other's emotions.  The reason why i'm good at it is not b/c I'm an empath (though I strive to be empathetic), it's b/c I had a horrible childhood and reading people's emotions was a survival mechanism.  I really resent the flowery implications of "empath."  Also, I totally agree with this therapist, b/c every time someone has told me they're an empath (and this is about 3 people), I've thought they were co-dependent.
  
  Honestly, there's more than 4 people in the world to be friends with.  If your friend can't respect boundaries w/out being hurt, it's time to admit maybe y'all shouldn't be friends and move along.  I've had to do this recently, b/c I had to make some boundaries with a very good friend, she was hurt by it and froze me out, and for all intents and purposes the friendship is now over b/c she continues to repeat the behavior I couldn't deal with anymore.  It sucks and it hurts, and it's still the right decision.

  Thanks for the feedback!  It's interesting to hear that it is a word occasionally being used nowadays and some people do use it as descriptors for themselves.
  
  Yeah, I just don't like the word.  To me, it's normal to say something like...I'm even going to use your phrase..."I am very good at reading other's emotions."  But to declare one's self an empath comes off really special snowflake to me.
  
  It's also interesting that the LW seems to imply that being an "empath" is having empathy.  But it's not necessarily the same thing.  A person can be good at picking up on other people's emotions, but also not care about how someone is feeling.  
  

  

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• VarunaTT member

  

  May 2019 edited May 2019

  The people who use the word that way, take it a step farther, in that other people's emotions (good, bad, or neutral) will effect (affect, I don't feel like looking right now) the empath.  So, say I have a friend who is in mourning...I will also be in mourning with them and I will personally feel their personal grief.  So, a lot of it becomes that empaths should know how to support the mourning person, as well as deal with their own emotions and self care in feeling the mourning or be able to draw boundaries around the mourning person to take care of themselves.  I just googled the first thing that came up because I do have a bias against this and can't stand reading about it.  There's this:  https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/empath-signs/.  
  
  I see it as being a kind, compassionate person.  In my experience, the people who use empath need it to be more than just that.  I'm trying not to sound like a jerk here, b/c to each their own.  I think it's annoying to me, b/c I want my space and I felt invaded by the people in my life who have used this terminology.
  
  *edited to remove snark

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• STARMOON44 member

  

  May 2019

  The way I see it being used is by drama hungry people who need to make everything about them

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• kerbohl member

  

  May 2019

  Correct me if I'm wrong, but when people are going through certain things, one of the things you are often told not to say is "I know exactly how you feel" because that makes it about you, since that is often followed up with your own experiences.  You are supposed to just listen to what they are going through and recognize that each experience is different and you may very well not know exactly what they are going through despite your own experiences.  So an empath would say "I'm an empath so I am feeling what you are feeling" and now ... well, what are you supposed to do if you are the person?  You might have gone for them for comfort or a listening ear, but this shuts down anything you want to talk about because they are saying they know EXACTLY how you are feeling?  So if I want to talk, remind me not to go to an empath.

  
  

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• VarunaTT member

  

  May 2019

  kerbohl said:

  Correct me if I'm wrong, but when people are going through certain things, one of the things you are often told not to say is "I know exactly how you feel" because that makes it about you, since that is often followed up with your own experiences.  You are supposed to just listen to what they are going through and recognize that each experience is different and you may very well not know exactly what they are going through despite your own experiences.  So an empath would say "I'm an empath so I am feeling what you are feeling" and now ... well, what are you supposed to do if you are the person?  You might have gone for them for comfort or a listening ear, but this shuts down anything you want to talk about because they are saying they know EXACTLY how you are feeling?  So if I want to talk, remind me not to go to an empath.

  So -- I don't think you're wrong, but I think there's an overlap between people who are empaths and people who are selfish and that is a bad overlap, b/c the person does make it about them, rather than supporting you.
  
  I've also had someone tell me they felt the pain of specific marginalized groups which just pissed me right off.  Do not center yourself into a marginalized groups pain if you're not a member.  Just don't, for any reason.
  
  So, like I've said, I've never had a good experience with someone who actively calls themself an empath.  I probably have friends who consider themselves this, but have never openly shared it, so maybe that's how you do it right?

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