I have been asked to emcee my brother-in-law’s wedding along with the fiancée’s brother. I found out while planning our emcee duties that the fiancée’s brother, “A,” is gay and has been in a relationship for three years. A’s partner is not invited to the wedding because A’s family doesn’t accept their relationship and “prefers” that he doesn’t attend. I don’t think it is right that I co-host this wedding where A’s partner isn’t invited due to homophobia. I am also not sure if my brother-in-law knows that A’s partner isn’t invited (he knows that A is gay). I don’t know if my brother-in-law knows that his future wife and her family have banned A’s partner from the wedding because of homophobia (he may think A’s partner is unavailable or that A is single). Alternately, he may know but not want to “get in the middle of things.”
My husband wants me to not say anything because it’s not my family and the wedding is in one month and it would be disruptive to get involved. I feel like homophobia wins when allies don’t speak up. Shouldn’t we talk to my brother-in-law about the message he’s sending by participating in this homophobia? Should I step down from emceeing? Should I ask A if I should step down, or would that put too much pressure on him to make his family’s actions OK?