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Wedding Woes

Classic Prudie because WOW

Prudence,
I have just had devastating news: My 58-year-old second husband of two years has been having an affair with my 25-year-old daughter from my first marriage. I am in a state of utter shock. I had absolutely no idea that this was going on and feel heartbroken, betrayed, and furious at the two people I love most. They want to live together, but where does this leave me? I do not know what to do. Can you advise?

Re: Classic Prudie because WOW

  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    No other way to say it, @starmoon44’s got it.  

  • Call Mia Farrow? 

    Honestly I think she's going to need a great divorce attorney but she also needs to navigate what's going on with her child.   Her daughter is sleeping with her mom's husband.   I'll go out on a limb and say that she met this person as an adult as well but that's still meaning that her daughter as an adult knowingly had an affair with a married man married to her mother.   

    It takes two to tango here but I think major therapy is in order.   And does mom WANT a relationship with this child?  What relationship did they have before?  What kind of a smarmy sleaze is this husband? 


    VarunaTTshort+sassycharlotte989875OurWildKingdom
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I actually know a family where something similar to this happened. Woman had 3 kids from first marriage, married husband #2 while kids were teens/young adults. The oldest daughter was out of the house by the time husband #2 came around, but only about 20 years old. After a few years, it came out that husband #2 and oldest daughter were having an affair. Couple divorced, daughter and hubs moved in together and were a couple for about a year. Mom and daughter had a very strained relationship after that. Hubs eventually cheated on the daughter and left her in a pile of debt. Mom and daughter tried to patch things up, but were never the same. It was so, so sad. 

    Counselling is a good place to start, but this is one of those things that destroy families. 
    short+sassycharlotte989875OurWildKingdom
  • I actually know a family where something similar to this happened. Woman had 3 kids from first marriage, married husband #2 while kids were teens/young adults. The oldest daughter was out of the house by the time husband #2 came around, but only about 20 years old. After a few years, it came out that husband #2 and oldest daughter were having an affair. Couple divorced, daughter and hubs moved in together and were a couple for about a year. Mom and daughter had a very strained relationship after that. Hubs eventually cheated on the daughter and left her in a pile of debt. Mom and daughter tried to patch things up, but were never the same. It was so, so sad. 

    Counselling is a good place to start, but this is one of those things that destroy families. 
    I don't doubt it.   Counseling for this mom could also hopefully help the mom to cope with that outcome and not necessarily to build any relationships. 
    short+sassycharlotte989875OurWildKingdom
  • Definitely counseling for the mom.  Completely cut all ties with the soon-to-be-ex.  And I wouldn't blame her if she did the same with her daughter, but could also understand if she wasn't able to do that.

    It is so sad because, chances are, the relationship between the daughter and her stepdad will be fleeting anyway.  But the relationship between the daughter and her mom will forever be changed, if not ruined.

    Hubby turning out to be some two-bit, cheating loser...it's terrible and devastating, but life moves on.  But her DAUGHTER betraying her like that?!?  That's the one I can't even fathom.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    charlotte989875OurWildKingdom
  • Yikes. 

    Divorce attorney, stat. And if they want to live together fine. But you should not be footing any of the bill for that (or IMO the daughters lifestyle if that’s a thing). 

    But also, damn that’s effed up. 
    OurWildKingdomMesmrEwe
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