Dear Prudence,
My friend “Betty” is single, and I’m about to get married, but we’ve both noticed a recent trend with our friend “Jane” that we can’t abide. Every time we see her, Jane expresses how excited she is for us to have children. We hear some version of “You have to have kids!” or “I can’t wait till you have babies!” Usually she is drunk when this happens, but she’s mentioned it sober too. It makes us both extremely uncomfortable. Betty and I have explained why we’re not OK with this, but we can’t seem to get through to her. At a recent outing with friends, Jane got drunk and announced that “everyone should get pregnant and have a baby—it’s the greatest thing ever!” She kept pushing the idea. The next day, one of my other friends confessed to us all that she has a medical issue that pushed her into early menopause. I was absolutely mortified that she had to sit through Jane’s drunken exclamations.
Betty and I are on edge about the next time we see Jane at my wedding. We’re really hoping that she learned her lesson from hearing about our other friend’s medical issues, but I just don’t know that it’s enough—especially if alcohol is involved. Betty and I are willing to discuss this with Jane again, but we’re starting to feel like we’re “ganging up” on her and making her defensive. We assume that she is lonely as a mother, with few peers to share her experiences with, and it’s not as though we don’t care or appreciate the hardships she’s going through. We just want her to stop demanding babies from us! What else can we do to gently steer her away from this for good?
—Friend Demands I Get Pregnant