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Wedding Woes

This week's 4 men.

Dear Prudence,

My partner subscribes to a subreddit called “Public Freakouts.” It’s a bunch of videos where people are yelling and swearing at each other and sometimes fighting. He finds it entertaining. As a sensitive person, I find it deeply disturbing to hear the videos. I feel as anxious and distressed as if it were happening to me. What’s more upsetting is that I’ve told him multiple times not to watch those videos around me (and why it bothers me), but he still does it occasionally. I would never continue to do something that my partner told me hurts his well-being. What should I do?

—Empathetic and Disturbed

Re: This week's 4 men.

  • Walk away?  Hand him headphones?  

    If this is that big a deal breaker then the issue isn't what he's watching it's that he's not understanding your big triggers.

    That said, LW you need to come up with ways that you can remove yourself from a screen if it "hurts your well-being" and I'm rolling my eyes a bit at the comment that a video of other people is hurting you.
  • I completely understand LW. I'm highly sensitive to things like this too, so shows with a lot of shouting, gunshots, car chases (basically anything in the action category), I can't watch. I told my H though, and he's very respectful. He'll only watch shows and movies like this in another room where it doesn't bother me. 

    This guy sounds like a douche. 
    You know, I take back part of my comment.   If DH was watching mind screwing horror flicks I'd be sleeping in the back bedroom with a baseball bat. 
  • I am not as sensitive, but I also understand LW.    I cannot imagine telling DH that something upsets me and I don't want to see it and him ignoring me.  Her BF doesn't respect her and if he can't refrain from doing something like this (that others may find innocuous) around LW, what other boundaries is he not going to honor? 
  • I also find the partner's behavior disturbing.  It's such a small ask over something that causes anxiety and distress to his partner, so why doesn't he just watch it on his phone or laptop with headphones?  Or, even better, when the partner isn't there at all.  Is he always this dismissive of the LW's feelings?

    The LW needs to answer their own question on if this is a dealbreaker for them or not.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I feel like the H maybe likes that this bothers his wife just like he likes watching people in these videos get upset. 

    At the very least he clearly doesn’t care that much that it bothers the LW and that would be a big thing in my book. 
  • Maybe this fellow is the type that likes to make people squirm?  I understand if you like to pull pranks or get a kick out of messing with someone, but if someone tells you to stop, then you stop.  Consent isn't just limited to the bedroom - no should mean no everywhere.  
    My husband has double checked with me when he is doing something to mess with me, even when I haven't said anything.  Because even though he likes to jump scare, he doesn't have any fun if it upsets me.  That's how it should be, and LW's guy doesn't seem to care that he is making her uncomfortable.
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I would say headphones or watch it when I’m not around.  Hopefully there’s enough respect for that.

    i don’t go searching for stuff like that, but often my friends will post videos of fights.  I cringe.  Especially if it’s not an even one.  So I get it.

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited August 16
    Wrong post. Will post on daily thread

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