"Alexa, ban Taylor Swift!"

mrsconn23 · October 2019

Dear Prudence,

I love my wife, but she plays the same two to three Taylor Swift songs at a high volume every morning (and sometimes at night). I go out of my way to avoid playing music that I know she dislikes around her. But Swift is immune from complaints. The same songs have played on loop for months now. We are 38 and 37, with two small children. Although I don’t begrudge her a love of cheesy pop, playing the same songs on repeat is pushing me to the brink. I don’t want to pick fights about it because she is highly sensitive to criticism. Am I entitled to be free of the same songs on loop every day? Or does a good spouse write it off as a quirk and suck it up? Help!

—Taylor Swift Is Straining My Marriage

MyNameIsNot · October 2019

Get her some headphones or get yourself some. And if this is your biggest problem, count your lucky stars.

short+sassy · October 2019

I like @mrsconn23's title! I think this is definitely a complaint the LW should mention to his wife. A fair compromise would be she can play those same few songs...once!...only every hour or two. And if she wants to listen to TS more than that, she can use her headphones.

Because nobody wants to listen to the same few songs over and over again that someone else chose, even for songs they like.

And appropriate sound levels need to be maintained at all times. Though I'm admittedly biased on that one because I sometimes have a hyper-sensitivity to sound.

But, all around, I'm confused by this letter. Is his wife really that sensitive to criticism? It seems like the most natural, non-critical thing to say something like, "Do you mind not playing TS on a loop and keeping the volume down a bit? I don't mind her songs on occasion, but she isn't my favorite."

mrsconn23 · October 2019

I wonder if there's a deeper thing going on if LW's wife insists on the same TS songs every day, several times a day and gets upset if LW asks her to stop? Like, what other repetitive behaviors are going on? It may be an underlying mental health issue (anxiety, OCD?).

When I'm anxious, my default is anger because I'm trying to control the fact that my mind is racing and I'm having physical effects (shaking, increased heart rate, feeling that pit in your stomach, can't catch my breath, etc). I'm trying to get control my myself and cannot handle outside forces.

kerbohl · October 2019

I have certain songs I listen to a lot, but not every day and not loud and not on a loop. I'd usually say "to each their own", but since this is really bothering LW I think they should speak up. It isn't a criticism, it is just that LW has a preference. If the wife is sensitive, LW should make sure that it isn't phrased as a criticism.

MissKittyDanger · October 2019

Definitely questioning the repetitive behavior as a possible sign of another issue, because whether you like certain songs or not - the same 2 or 3 is just excessive at that age.

But yeh, headphones.

levioosa · October 2019

I’m that person who will find a song they love, and then listen to it on repeat until it’s dead and I hate it. I also have one or two songs that I listen to on airplanes when they are taking off. Doesn’t mean I have OCD. But I also won’t make others around me listen to a song on repeat. Sometimes I hand pick songs on a road trip (as opposed to a playlist). If I forget to choose the next song, the current song will play again. I won’t even notice it but FI immediately does and can’t stand it. So I apologize and then move to a different song.

I’m sure there’s a way to bring this up to the wife. If she’s actually going to lose it over “hey, do you mind waiting until I’m gone in the mornings to play music/this song?” Then yeah, she might have a problem. But be mature and have the conversation.

banana468 · October 2019

Is this like Groundhog Day and the wife wakes up every day hearing "I Got You Babe" by Sonny and Cher?

Why can't they talk about this? And why can't she just shake off (shake it off, shake it off, off, off) any criticism?

kerbohl · October 2019

You know what, this reminds me of something! My sister and I took a road trip a decade ago, and I thought she was bringing the tunes and she thought I was. We had one CD packed, Great Big Sea, and since we were in northern Canada for most of the trip there were NO radio stations back then. We must have listened to that same CD three or four times a day for an entire month. And despite that, I'm not sick of it - I still love all the songs.
Sort of not related, but this just reminded me of that.

VarunaTT · October 2019

kerbohl said:

You know what, this reminds me of something! My sister and I took a road trip a decade ago, and I thought she was bringing the tunes and she thought I was. We had one CD packed, Great Big Sea, and since we were in northern Canada for most of the trip there were NO radio stations back then. We must have listened to that same CD three or four times a day for an entire month. And despite that, I'm not sick of it - I still love all the songs.
Sort of not related, but this just reminded me of that.

Some friends and I were talking about back in the day when you carried a small selection of CDs with you and you tended to have them all memorized, b/c everyone was bad about changing that selection out. But I really learned a lot more about the full album back then, than I tend to now. I miss it sometimes.

short+sassy · October 2019

VarunaTT said:

kerbohl said:

You know what, this reminds me of something! My sister and I took a road trip a decade ago, and I thought she was bringing the tunes and she thought I was. We had one CD packed, Great Big Sea, and since we were in northern Canada for most of the trip there were NO radio stations back then. We must have listened to that same CD three or four times a day for an entire month. And despite that, I'm not sick of it - I still love all the songs.
Sort of not related, but this just reminded me of that.

Some friends and I were talking about back in the day when you carried a small selection of CDs with you and you tended to have them all memorized, b/c everyone was bad about changing that selection out. But I really learned a lot more about the full album back then, than I tend to now. I miss it sometimes.

((Raises hand)). I still carry about a dozen or so CDs in my car and occasionally change them out.

@levioosa, I'm also guilty of listening to songs I like into the ground, lol. So I can sympathize with the LW's wife. But I don't do it when other people are around.

mrsconn23 · October 2019

Oh there are songs that I get obsessed with. DH does too. But if DH were to be all, "Oh not this again", or suggest we listen to something else, then no harm, no foul. I would not get offended or upset with him for asking for a break from my flavor of the moment. He's also the same.

I'm just picturing this LW's wife, like, being all, "NO I NEED MY MUSIC!" and running off to cry when he wants her to turn off Blank Space after the 4th listen of the day. He makes her sound dramatic. Or maybe he's dramatic. Or may it's both of them that are a little ridiculous? But if he seriously cannot comment on the amount of time she spends listening to these 3 (or whatever) specific songs and cannot even suggest that they take a break or modify her listening 'schedule' without it being a major event...there's gotta be more going on.

Hilarious anecdote, DH is a massive Swiftie. He LOVES Taylor Swift. We have had a Taylor Swift wall calendar for years. Whoever gets his stocking draw in my family gets him one every year. I spent $$$$ and weeks doing her stupid games online to get decent tickets to her Reputation tour last year (and they were worth every penny, because it was a great show).

MissKittyDanger · October 2019

@mrsconn23 my coworker - also male - is a HUGE Swiftie also lol we jokingly call him Mr. Swift :P

short+sassy · October 2019

Back in the early 2000s, I dated a guy who was a major Brittany Spears fan.

He told me early on with an "I know, I know!" shameful manner. Since he was a little making fun of himself, I replied something like, "That's so weird! Because you don't look like a teenaged girl, lol."

He accidentally butt-dialed me once and "Oops, I Did It Again" was playing in the background, lmao.

MissKittyDanger · October 2019

short+sassy said:

Back in the early 2000s, I dated a guy who was a major Brittany Spears fan.

He told me early on with an "I know, I know!" shameful manner. Since he was a little making fun of himself, I replied something like, "That's so weird! Because you don't look like a teenaged girl, lol."

He accidentally butt-dialed me once and "Oops, I Did It Again" was playing in the background, lmao.

I love this entire post lmao

CharmedPam · October 2019

She willingly listens to Taylor Swift? LW you have my permission to start a divorce proceeding.

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