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Wedding Woes

Every one of you is being a little ridiculous here, except the baby.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
edited October 10 in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

My husband and I just had a baby. We didn’t want to know the sex beforehand and picked a neutral-sounding name, but my mother-in-law was obsessed with the idea of having a granddaughter. She’s always wanted a girl but had four boys and five grandsons. She got us everything in pink (my own mom said it looked like she robbed a cotton candy factory), no matter how much we protested. We ended up shrugging and accepted all the gifts. Then we had a little boy. We do dress him in the pink outfits his grandma gave us since it is too late to return them, they fit, and the baby resembles nothing so much as a potato.

My husband thinks it is funny, but his mother is very hurt. She hates it and makes comments about me “making fun” of her if I post a pink picture online. I tend toward deadpan humor and will include a caption about getting spit up on six times before noon. She is making a big deal about this, and it keeps coming up. I don’t understand why or what to do. The rest of my husband’s family even told her it doesn’t matter because the baby is going to outgrow everything anyway. She is still upset. What do we do about this? My husband tells me to ignore it, but I really don’t want to hurt my relationship with her.

—Angry Pink Mother-in-Law

Re: Every one of you is being a little ridiculous here, except the baby.

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The insane gendering of colors that people have convinced themselves exist is, well, insane. Pink is just a fucking color. 


    image
    short+sassycharlotte989875
  • Just because she wanted a granddaughter doesn't mean she was going to get one just because she bought pink ....

    It's just a colour. Good lord. MIL could have waited to buy stuff.
  • So is this all about putting the screws to MIL because she was so hellbent on having a girl she didn't bother to consider the alternative?  

    There's a little too much schadenfreude here on the LW's part.   Sure dress the kid in clothes but do you need to take the pictures in them?  Surely you have other clothing items that you can use for peppering your social media so you're not deliberately pushing it.

    You're not going to change your MIL.  So rather than attempting to poke fun at her come up with a way to handle the things that she does that doesn't involve what she perceives as public taunting.  
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited October 10
    But I don't even see why MIL feels like this is poking fun at her.  These are clothes that were purchased, why should they go to waste?  Baby doesn't care what they're wearing and if they're going through a few outfit changes a day (something I've heard lots of friends say), again, why should perfectly useable clothes go to waste because of a color.  MIL could also unfollow if it bothers her that much.
    MyNameIsNotcharlotte989875levioosaOliveOilsMom
  • I do like the line where the LW commented that her mom said it looked like the MIL had robbed a cotton candy factory.

    Even though it's silly the MIL feels she's being "made fun of" because...geez!...her son and DIL are putting the clothing to good use.  Just to keep the piece, I'd probably just stop posting pics where the grandson is in the "pink" outfits.

    I realize this is the newish social media "era" we live in.  But it's really not necessary to post a 1,000 pics/week of one's children, lol.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    CasadenaOliveOilsMom
  • VarunaTT said:
    But I don't even see why MIL feels like this is poking fun at her.  These are clothes that were purchased, why should they go to waste?  Baby doesn't care what they're wearing and if they're going through a few outfit changes a day (something I've heard lots of friends say), again, why should perfectly useable clothes go to waste because of a color.  MIL could also unfollow if it bothers her that much.
    I'm guessing that that the MIL is operating on her own agenda here.   If her shopping bags looked like a cotton candy factory then she is probably being reminded that she lacks control here.  
     
    IMO, unless MIL bought so many clothes that those are all the LW is using then keep using them.   But post more photos to social media that aren't in the peony pink.

    This is going to eventually go away assuming MIL stops trying to dress the kid in bubblegum colors. 
  • I think the MIL's assumptive clothes buying and getting butthurt because the LW and her H are posting pics of the baby in said clothes even though it doesn't 'match' his 'gender' is completely ridiculous.   

    I think the LW is being a little ridiculous in her expectations of her MIL.  LW knows that MIL is sensitive about this and continues to post the pics.  So own your shit LW and accept that your MIL is going to have feelings.  But you can't post pics knowing that your MIL is not taking kindly to this, but then being all, "I don't want her to be upset and I don't know why she doesn't think it's OK/funny/whatever."

    LW needs to ovary up and say, "MIL,  I am not going to stop posting pics of LO in whatever outfit he's wearing.  You so kindly bought us more clothes than he needs.  Babies soil clothes several times a day, he doesn't know where his nose is, so we don't see the need to go buy a whole new wardrobe of 'boy' clothes when he's going to just grow out of them in weeks or a couple months. However, this is not being done to hurt you."  And then bean-dip her if she brings it up again.  

    This is also where LW's H should be stepping in to back-up his wife since he doesn't have a problem with how they're dressing their son.   He should also be telling his mother the same thing LW is about the clothes.  
    short+sassyflantasticcharlotte989875OliveOilsMom
  • mrsconn23 said:
    I think the MIL's assumptive clothes buying and getting butthurt because the LW and her H are posting pics of the baby in said clothes even though it doesn't 'match' his 'gender' is completely ridiculous.   

    I think the LW is being a little ridiculous in her expectations of her MIL.  LW knows that MIL is sensitive about this and continues to post the pics.  So own your shit LW and accept that your MIL is going to have feelings.  But you can't post pics knowing that your MIL is not taking kindly to this, but then being all, "I don't want her to be upset and I don't know why she doesn't think it's OK/funny/whatever."

    LW needs to ovary up and say, "MIL,  I am not going to stop posting pics of LO in whatever outfit he's wearing.  You so kindly bought us more clothes than he needs.  Babies soil clothes several times a day, he doesn't know where his nose is, so we don't see the need to go buy a whole new wardrobe of 'boy' clothes when he's going to just grow out of them in weeks or a couple months. However, this is not being done to hurt you."  And then bean-dip her if she brings it up again.  

    This is also where LW's H should be stepping in to back-up his wife since he doesn't have a problem with how they're dressing their son.   He should also be telling his mother the same thing LW is about the clothes.  
    That's pretty much where I am especially the bolded.

    Maybe I'm off but I'm getting the impression that the LW is being purposely daft about this and feigning ignorance of "I don't get why she's so upset" when she knows full well.  

    So if you know this is a hot-button topic don't engage but instead be really thankful that you have so much and use your words with MIL. 
    STARMOON44charlotte989875
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    This can be easily solved by blocking MIL from some of the photos on social media. MIL cares way too much about the child's sex and colors. Let her worry about it without photos. 
    VarunaTT
  • mrsconn23 said:

    Dear Prudence,

    My husband and I just had a baby. We didn’t want to know the sex beforehand and picked a neutral-sounding name, but my mother-in-law was obsessed with the idea of having a granddaughter. She’s always wanted a girl but had four boys and five grandsons. She got us everything in pink (my own mom said it looked like she robbed a cotton candy factory), no matter how much we protested. We ended up shrugging and accepted all the gifts. Then we had a little boy. We do dress him in the pink outfits his grandma gave us since it is too late to return them, they fit, and the baby resembles nothing so much as a potato.

    My husband thinks it is funny, but his mother is very hurt. She hates it and makes comments about me “making fun” of her if I post a pink picture online. I tend toward deadpan humor and will include a caption about getting spit up on six times before noon. She is making a big deal about this, and it keeps coming up. I don’t understand why or what to do. The rest of my husband’s family even told her it doesn’t matter because the baby is going to outgrow everything anyway. She is still upset. What do we do about this? My husband tells me to ignore it, but I really don’t want to hurt my relationship with her.

    —Angry Pink Mother-in-Law

    Stop posting photos of baby in these outfits since you know it hurts her. This is easy. 
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