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The cost of breaking up.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I recently ended a yearlong relationship. We parted amicably, though I don’t see us becoming friends anytime soon. He lived at my place, and when he moved out I decided to take the opportunity to move to a new apartment. While packing, I removed the waterproof cover that my ex had put on the mattress to protect against his profuse night sweats. To my surprise, dismay, and disgust, I discovered that the cover hadn’t been sufficient, and my mattress was covered with sweat stains on the top and mold on the bottom because the sweat had soaked all the way through. Is it reasonable to ask my ex to help pay to replace my mattress? It was nearly brand-new when he moved in, and now it’s ruined. I don’t want to be rude or petty, and I know his sweating problem is not his fault. But it’s not mine either, and I really can’t afford to replace the mattress on my own. What is the right thing to do here?

—Sweaty Bedding

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Re: The cost of breaking up.

  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    Honestly, since it was amicable I would ask but not expect anything. Asking never hurts.
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    No don’t ask for money for this. Time to move on. 
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
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    I understand where LW is coming from, but if they're not really on speaking terms with their ex, I don't think it's a good idea to be asking them for money. Mattress stores have sales all the time, so I think LW will just have to wait for the next one and accept that they may not be able to get a super nice one right now.
    image
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    Move on. I get wanting him to pay for it, but it’s opening a can of worms I think is better left alone. It sucks, but it’s part of life. Buy a new one and be happy you don’t have to sleep in sweaty sheets again. 
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  • kvrunskvruns member
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    kerbohl said:
    It got so wet it caused mold? My mind is slightly boggled.  Maybe they should have checked the mattress cover a few times to make sure it was holding up.  I mean, I check mine fairly often and I'm not dealing with sweat issues ...
    that's where I am coming from. LW had been fine with the bed and had they not broken up would not have noticed it seems so asking now just seems wrong.
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    I'm still on the side of asking - it doesn't hurt to ask.

    But now I'm wondering, did they not wash the cover? I was mine every so often - maybe not as much as we should, but it gets washed.
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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
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    MissKittyDanger said:
    I'm still on the side of asking - it doesn't hurt to ask.

    But now I'm wondering, did they not wash the cover? I was mine every so often - maybe not as much as we should, but it gets washed.
    See, that's what i was thinking too!  I wash every once in a while, and I remember checking it a few months after I got it to see if it was keeping the mattress clean.

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  • CasadenaCasadena member
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    I agree that it's not a big deal to ask once - but I would definitely not expect anything or go further than one inquiry. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    I wouldn't side-eye the LW for asking.  Though I don't think she should push it.  I also don't think it's fair she asks for the whole amount of a new mattress.

    But, with that said, it's not something I would do.  I prefer to move on from unpleasant situations and just chalk something like this up to an unexpected cost.

    And as other PPs have pointed out.  Mattresses come in a wide range of prices.  So, maybe she has to save up for her preferred one.  And that does suck.  But there are a lot of places that sell cheap mattresses.  Bigger thrift stores often sell new mattresses.  Sometimes even used mattresses when they're still in great condition.  The stores will fumigate them (or whatever they call it) and wrap it back in plastic.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • cupcait927cupcait927 member
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    No. She shouldn't ask. If it was her mattress prior to him moving in, she had a responsibility in maintaining it. She even stated that he tried to keep it in good condition by putting a mattress cover on it because he knows how much he sweats. He presumably also needs to buy a new mattress, since the bed they slept in was hers, so why should he have to shoulder the cost of buying himself a new bed and helping to replace hers?
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    kerbohl said:
    MissKittyDanger said:
    I'm still on the side of asking - it doesn't hurt to ask.

    But now I'm wondering, did they not wash the cover? I was mine every so often - maybe not as much as we should, but it gets washed.
    See, that's what i was thinking too!  I wash every once in a while, and I remember checking it a few months after I got it to see if it was keeping the mattress clean.
    M is a sweaty dude too, and often when he sleeps, the sheets and cover come off so I shake baking soda & vacuum it occasionally {like 2x a year ... I should do more}
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
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    Late to the party... just saw this one... My guess - they purchased a mattress cover - not a WATERPROOF vinyl mattress cover!!  HUGE difference!  And that's the cost of the breakup, much cheaper than a divorce for someone that wasn't meant to be.  

    LW - go purchase a basic mattress with foam cover that's incredibly affordable while saving up to replace the mattress.  
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
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    MesmrEwe said:
    Late to the party... just saw this one... My guess - they purchased a mattress cover - not a WATERPROOF vinyl mattress cover!!  HUGE difference!  And that's the cost of the breakup, much cheaper than a divorce for someone that wasn't meant to be.  

    LW - go purchase a basic mattress with foam cover that's incredibly affordable while saving up to replace the mattress.  
    Yes! I think everyone should have a waterproof cover. Neither of us sweats an unusual amount, but the cover is still yellowed. And there are SO many things besides sweat that can ruin, damage, or dirty a mattress. Off the top of my head, potentially period blood, nose bleed blood, spilled beverages, drool, adult accidents, pet accidents, child accidents, amniotic fluid, breast milk, and lube and other *ahem* fluids from adult activities.

    Our cover completely encases the mattress and zips closed. 
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
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    lovesclimbing said:
    MesmrEwe said:
    Late to the party... just saw this one... My guess - they purchased a mattress cover - not a WATERPROOF vinyl mattress cover!!  HUGE difference!  And that's the cost of the breakup, much cheaper than a divorce for someone that wasn't meant to be.  

    LW - go purchase a basic mattress with foam cover that's incredibly affordable while saving up to replace the mattress.  
    Yes! I think everyone should have a waterproof cover. Neither of us sweats an unusual amount, but the cover is still yellowed. And there are SO many things besides sweat that can ruin, damage, or dirty a mattress. Off the top of my head, potentially period blood, nose bleed blood, spilled beverages, drool, adult accidents, pet accidents, child accidents, amniotic fluid, breast milk, and lube and other *ahem* fluids from adult activities.

    Our cover completely encases the mattress and zips closed. 
    We still have the original plastic cover on ours - js - holds up better and less prone to accidental rips.  Agree 1000%!!  They're called accidents for a reason.  
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
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    MesmrEwe said:
    lovesclimbing said:
    MesmrEwe said:
    Late to the party... just saw this one... My guess - they purchased a mattress cover - not a WATERPROOF vinyl mattress cover!!  HUGE difference!  And that's the cost of the breakup, much cheaper than a divorce for someone that wasn't meant to be.  

    LW - go purchase a basic mattress with foam cover that's incredibly affordable while saving up to replace the mattress.  
    Yes! I think everyone should have a waterproof cover. Neither of us sweats an unusual amount, but the cover is still yellowed. And there are SO many things besides sweat that can ruin, damage, or dirty a mattress. Off the top of my head, potentially period blood, nose bleed blood, spilled beverages, drool, adult accidents, pet accidents, child accidents, amniotic fluid, breast milk, and lube and other *ahem* fluids from adult activities.

    Our cover completely encases the mattress and zips closed. 
    We still have the original plastic cover on ours - js - holds up better and less prone to accidental rips.  Agree 1000%!!  They're called accidents for a reason.  
    Isn't it loud? I remember my mom leaving one on the mattress that was used for the current night-training child in case of accidents. And it was so loud! There was no such thing as getting out of bed quietly. Any time you moved even a little, it crinkled. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    I have waterproof covers on my kids' mattresses.   I do not have the original plastic from the factory on them.   The waterproof covers on the kids mattresses are plastic-backed and water cannot get in.

    Our mattress is also foam and we have a cover on it.   The foam itself is water-tight.  
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    banana468 said:
    I have waterproof covers on my kids' mattresses.   I do not have the original plastic from the factory on them.   The waterproof covers on the kids mattresses are plastic-backed and water cannot get in.

    Our mattress is also foam and we have a cover on it.   The foam itself is water-tight.  
    Similar; we have a new part-foam part-spring mattress and we have the cover they recommended because then they guarantee the mattress life. An extra $60 for them to guarantee our mattress for 10 years was worth it. 
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