Dear Prudence,
I am a woman in her late 20s, employed full time in the nonprofit sector. A few years ago, my partner and I survived a car crash together caused by a distracted driver. My partner emerged unscathed, but I sustained severe injuries that necessitated multiple surgeries, weeks in the hospital and rehabilitation, and years of ongoing physical therapy, as well as psychotherapy to address PTSD, anger, grief, and anxiety. One of the few “positives” of this horrible chapter in my life was obtaining a modest settlement. It was enough to pay off my car and student loans and still have five figures left over in savings. My parents had privately advised that I not pay off my partner’s student loans, as we are not engaged or married and had only been dating for six months at the time of the accident.
My partner is a state employee and makes a little more than I do. He has a similar amount of debt from college and his car. He spends frivolously and then complains about his credit card bill. Now that I have paid off my debts with my settlement, he has decided that I am “better off” than he is and expects me to be his “sugar mama.” When I push back, he throws it in my face that I have no debt and that he’s a public servant who “really makes less than [me]” because he has to pay off his loans. How do I make him understand that I only paid off my debt by having to go through hell and that I don’t appreciate being made out to be an heiress, when I am just a nonprofit employee with a tiny salary? I would gladly take back my old self and my old debts if I could. I didn’t ask for this “wealth.”
—Boyfriend’s Jealous of Car Crash Settlement