Wedding Woes

I dread the holiday interrogations.

Dear Prudence,

I come from a large, conservative family where I’m the youngest of six. I’m the only family member on my coast, and we mainly communicate via text and email. They frequently, often daily, send me lengthy emails about current social issues, explaining their perspective and asking me for mine. Many of them strike me as sincere; others less so. Whenever I’m home for the holidays, they question me about all kinds of political issues. Sometimes I’m up to discuss them, but sometimes I just don’t feel well-informed enough to have a conversation. Often up to 10 people question me at the same time.

Is it OK that these conversations exhaust me (white, straight, cis female)? I’d like to draw some kind of boundary here, but I feel like it’s white fragility, or some other kind of privileged fragility, to claim “exhaustion.” To be honest, though, when it comes to these sometimes daily emails, or family dinners where I’m outmanned by 10, I am exhausted. Valid? Problematic? Somewhere in the middle?

—Progressive Point Person

Re: I dread the holiday interrogations.

  • What banana said.
  • I think she's fine to say, "I'm not interested in speaking about this" and either change the subject or just walk away.  Just b/c you might have a different political/social outlook (which LW really just implies), doesn't mean you need to listen/educate an entire group of people at their request.

    If they keep pushing, I'd tell them I'm not Google and they're welcome to use Google.
  • It almost feels like these family members are looking for a fight. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. Honestly, I'd just keep saying in person and email and text "I'd prefer not to discuss this" and change the subject. 
  • I feel like this is one of those times when someone is passionate about something and doesn't understand that someone just isn't that passionate.  I could go on and on about certain subjects, but if I try to strike up a conversation and the person isn't up for a conversation or doesn't seem that into it, you change the conversation.  You don't keep bashing them over the head with it or send daily emails or gang  up on them.  Goodness!

  • Pick your battles. Engage on the things you are knowledgeable & care to speak about. Bean dip, get another drink, or just say “I don’t really know much about that” to the things you don’t. 

    As a straight, white, cis woman I do think we have a big role in talking to our people about issues (hello the 53% of WW who voted for Trump), but that doesn’t mean you have to engage everyone, on everything, on their terms, whenever they want. 
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