Wedding Woes

Talk to your H. Why are you writing to Prudie? P.S., your MIL's opinion is immaterial.

My husband and I both agreed we wanted kids, but my pregnancy and postpartum depression sapped every drop of joy out of me. I love our 4-year-old son now, but I don’t want to do it again. I enjoy working and adult conversation and not throwing up every morning, and I am closer to 40 than 30. My husband really wants another kid, and his mother really, really wants another grandchild since both her daughters are (loudly) anti-maternal. How do I have this conversation? I always wanted at least two kids, but now I am happy with my son alone.
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Re: Talk to your H. Why are you writing to Prudie? P.S., your MIL's opinion is immaterial.

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MIL needs to not be involved at all.

    But LW needs to sit down and have a serious conversation with her H.  It's really the only thing to do.  

    And yes, why did you have to write to Prudie about this?  Just talk to your H!
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Fuck your MIL's opinion. Good lord. My MIL was also desperate for me to have kids. And guess what? I didn't have them. 

    Tell your husband exactly that - you don't want another kid. It was too hard. 

  • Talk to your H.  This is all that needs to happen! 

    Heck, DH and I have loosely discussed a 3rd and I've said, "Look dude - you value your alone time and I have had times that I feel like I'm frazzled and asking too much of you when this is what you need at your own anxiety level.   I think having two is what makes sense for our family. " 

    Knowing what this does to her body physically and emotionally I would hope her H is completely receptive to all of this and then tells his own mother that when they want her opinion on the matter they'll ask for it. 
  • MILs opinion has no place here, but you do need to talk to your husband. It’s okay to change your mind, but you should explain that to your husband. 
  • You absolutely must talk to your husband. Remind him of what you went through during and after the pregnancy and explain that you do not want to go through that again, especially if it will negatively affect your ability to parent your son. You guys have to be on the same page with this. 

    Also, screw your MIL's opinion. It's not her body or her life, and it's not your problem that her other children aren't interested in having kids. Part of the reason it's important to get on the same page as your husband is so he'll (hopefully) tell her to back off.
  • I know it's hard to have an important, life changing conversation with one's spouse that the LW knows will be very disappointing.  But it needs to happen sooner, not later.  In fact, I hope this was a recent realization the LW had after a lot of soul searching.  And not something they decided two years ago and have just been putting off a difficult conversation.

    But I digress.  The LW should start the conversation by acknowledging it is going to be a tough one.  And then explain their change of heart on the "more kids" question, similar to the way they did for their Prudie letter.  The H is allowed to have his feelings and express them.  He should.  He is allowed to grieve the decision.  But he is not allowed to try and changer her mind.  Hopefully he understands this is strongly in the category of "two yeses or it's a no".

    I also hope the LW is not harboring any feelings of guilt.  Life does not always work out the way we think it will.  We change and we adjust as our experiences shape us.
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  • The only conversation that needs to take place is between LW & her husband.  

    And, it's not unusual the "last" child conversations happen.  That said, if the pregnancy and PPD are LW's fears, there's always adoption as something they could consider too!
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  • Ok so this is me.
    I love BabyKitten and we planned her, but I hated being pregnant and post-pardum was hard on me. {I swear I felt it HOURS after she was born}

    Definitely a conversation LW needs to have with her H, and should have been one before now.
    Also a serious discussion about mental health.

    If LW wants to, they can just say {AFTER the convo with H} say very directly "We love our son, but pregnancy and post-pardum were very hard on me and it's not good for our family to go through it again."

    Or simply do what I do when anyone mentions baby 2 .... I laugh. They get the hint.
    "You know when my kid was same age as yours, we thought about baby 2"
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