How often do you see the inlaws?

elizabeth121985 · January 2012

If you live very close to your inlaws, how often do you see them? We will be living about 5 minutes from FMIL, and at this point FI eats dinner with her about 3 nights a week and lunch every Sunday.

I know this may seem excessive, but they're really close bc of his parents' divorce. None of his close friends live very close, so instead of eating by himself he'll go eat with her (I currently live an hour away).

I really love my FMIL (even though she is very overbearing), and I want to start off on a good foot. But I guess I don't know how often is typical to see her. What is unreasonable?

annakb8 · January 2012

I live far away from my inlaws, but I think about once a week would be reasonable.

My extended family all lives very close together and they all have dinner at my grandmother's every Sunday, so once a week seems normal to me. More than that would get tiresome.

Avion22 · January 2012

Once you're married, I think once a week shouldn't be too much, but I also think it's important to be flexible on when you do and do not see her. I mean, it would be nice to do Sunday lunch for example, but to expect it to take place absolutely every Sunday with no exceptions is too much. Some weekends you may want to do something else...

ErinG93 · January 2012

My in-laws live next door to my parents. We see them a few times a week. I don't know what is unreasonable, but I think if your FI wants to eat dinner with her that's fine. Are you moving in with him soon?

Stackeye210 · January 2012

I just think that depends on the relationship you have iwth her. YOu say she's overbearing, do you mean she's just all up in the business, or does she try to run your life? Do you get the feeling FI needs to cut the cord or does he just genuinely like his mom?

I'd say if you want to get on the right foot then you attend some but not all the dinners with your FI while you are in town. You want to seem involved but not up their asss like you can't leave your FI's side. KWIM?

I see my MIL sometimes once a week or like 5 times a week. Just depends on what is going on and who needs to be where.

specialk84 · January 2012

If you get along with her, that seems fine. Remember, you're going to be married, not joined at the hip. He can visit his mother by himself.

We don't spend much time with my MIL because she's crazy. We spend a fair amount of time with my parents--usually once or twice a week. Our families are both local.

I'm so glad H gets along with my parents. He likes to help my dad fix things around the house, and he built my mom a raised garden planter for Mother's Day last year.

elizabeth121985 · January 2012

Ok, good to hear about once a week would be fine because that's kind of what I had in mind. Even though FMIL drives me bonkers I want to start off on a good foot with her. But at the same time I also want to set boundaries early on.

DramaGeek · January 2012

We live less than a mile from my ILs and 6 miles from my parents. I takes less than 2 minutes to get to my ILs' by car and 15 to get to my parents'.

H and I see our respective parents more than we see each other's parents, for sure. I see my parents at least once a week, and he sees his at least once a week. I can easily go a month without seeing the ILs, and he usually only sees my parents once or twice a month.

aragx6 · January 2012

We live about a half hour from them and see them one a month or two. I'd say the average in the two years we've lived here had probably been 8 times a year at most. That's because FI isn't all that close to them. They blame me, but I'm always pushing him to see them more. He and his mom talk on the phone weekly though.

ErinG93 · January 2012

Once a week sounds about right, but like PP's have said, being flexible is also important. I would also agree that if your FI wants to see her more, you don't have to go with him.

Meggiemuggins · January 2012

H's parents have both passed away, so I don't have any in-laws. We go to my parents' for Sunday night dinners every week and my mom comes here for dinner once a week before she and I go to choir practice.

Simply Fated · January 2012

I actually see them pretty often. We go to dinner every Sunday night and I'm over their house about once or twice a week besides that. He goes over more often. I like his parents but, more importantly, we both adore his little sister and like being able to spend time with her.

[Deleted User] · January 2012

I think "reasonable" depends on your relationship, as it would differ for everyone.

I grew up with my grandparents right next door, so my stepdad saw/sees his in-laws just about every day and he's fine with it. I'd be fine seeing H's parents once or twice a week. Not sure what he would consider reasonable for my family. It's never come up since we don't live that close to family.

MyUserName1 · January 2012

Well, FI's grandmother lives in the condo across from ours, so pretty much every day. But we don't like, eat dinner with her that often. But we see her walking the dog, etc.

His parents live about 5 minutes away. Some weeks we see them several times, some weeks not at all. Same with his two sisters- but they're both away at school, one is an undergrad and the other is in law school.

I like them, but I wouldn't want to eat dinner with them 3x a week. I barely get to eat dinner with FI 3x a week!

KatieK501 · January 2012

We live in the same town as my FIL's, and we usually have lunch or dinner with them every Sunday. Occasionally, we'll get together during the week. I think this was about as often as my FI saw them before we started dating. But every situation is different.

specialk84 · January 2012

H and I had a serious conversation (he initiated it) about purchasing the house next door to my parents. He was really excited about it.

adamar15 · January 2012

We live about 15 minutes away from my parents and 45 minutes away from his parents. How often we see his parents usually depends on how often we work for a family friend over that way. We pretty much always stop by when we're working over there, which lately has been every Saturday. It varies, though. We usually do Sunday dinner at my mom's, but that also cycles. His mom complains that she doesn't see us enough, but there was a bit of a cord there that needed to be cut so that's probably why. Plus they never come over to our house, and the street works both ways, ya know?

rardito · January 2012

FI's family lives about 25 minutes from us...he goes over there more often then I do...usually on Sundays or a couple of times a month. My parents live 5 minutes from us and I go over there when I need to, and he usually comes with...probably once a week as well.

MyUserName1 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_see-inlaws?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:093d6581-ce10-479c-a445-9885110342c4Post:13ecf557-9a7f-4510-82cd-4224d5ed8861">Re: How often do you see the inlaws?</a>:
[QUOTE]H and I had a serious conversation (he initiated it) about purchasing the house next door to my parents. He was really excited about it.
Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]

He should be. If i recall correctly, you have great parents and his are crazeballs.

lyndausvi · January 2012

Yeah, reasonable depends on your relationship.

I've NEVER had dinner with my MIL, well unless you include the RD and wedding. We do not live near her, but even if we are in town and staying at her house she never wants to eat with us. If we lived in the area I imagine we/DH would stop by a few times a week, but not necessarily eat with her. MIL's house is like a revolving door. People are always coming and going, getting the scoop on things, but they are not all day/night visits mostly pop-in pop-out kind of thing.

We do not live near my parents either, but if we did I think we would only have dinner 1-2 times a week. DH rarely have dinner together anyway let alone with other people.

specialk84 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_see-inlaws?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:093d6581-ce10-479c-a445-9885110342c4Post:343515c2-2dc9-4b26-b50c-67a54212b72c">Re: How often do you see the inlaws?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How often do you see the inlaws? : He should be. If i recall correctly, you have great parents and his are crazeballs.
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

<div>He had this idea that my mom would leave pies on the porch, and he was excited to have Cooper be able to play with their dogs.</div>

maribeth721 · January 2012

My FI lives less than a mile away from his mother. I see her once a month if I can help it.

entropicbeauty · January 2012

I actually see my FI's parents more now that we live far away than I did when we lived literally down the street from them.

I live about 2 and a half hours away from his parents and mine and we see both sets of our parents about twice a month...when we lived down the street we would see his parents maybe every other month because we made absolutely no effort to go down the street to see them (kind of sad on our part).

littleluckypenny · January 2012

It used to be about once every 6-7 weeks or so. Now that my FBIL has given them their first grandchild , they drive 1.5 hours one-way (3 hr roundtrip) to FBIL's house, and we meet them there as we live 30 minutes away from his brother. EVERY SUNDAY.

Thank goodness I like them

raes19 · January 2012

We live close to my parents and my FIL. We usually have dinner with my FIL every Wednesday and go to my parents' house for dinner on Tuesdays. During the winter months, Sundays I bowl on a league with my mom then spend the afternoon with her and my dad, and H skis all day with his dad, so we have some "bonding" time with our own parent(s). We don't have any contact with my MIL because she is a psycho.

mollyehren · January 2012

My parents live about 10 minutes away, I talk to them on the phone maybe twice a week and we go over there about once every two weeks. His mom is far away so we only have to see her about 3-4 times a year (thank ggodnes).

Maggie0829 · January 2012

My H's parents live about 5 minutes down the road from us. We see them off and on but I really couldn't tell you how many times a week because it really varies. Over the holidays we saw them a lot, almost to the point where I wanted to scream because I didn't see my family at all and his can be a bit much to take after awhile, but since NYE we haven't seen them at all. As for my parents, they live in Florida so I see them about once every 4 months or so.

As for a reasonable amount...it is really up to you and what you want. Oh, and remember that just because you are married doesn't mean that when your H goes to see his parents that you have to go along as well.

mica178 · January 2012

We live 30 minutes away from my ILs. We see them anywhere between once a week to once a month, depending.

Choco9 · January 2012

OP - I agree with everyone else that once a week would be fine, but what does your FI think? If he is having 4 meals a week with her now, you might encounter some resistance if you try to cut that by 75%, KWIM? You say she is overbearing, so I totally agree with your proactive approach. I am just curious as to what your FI's opinion of this is.

And I totally agree that he can meet her on his own, but will you try to put the kibosh on the 4x per week?

I am lucky I never see my In-Laws so I don't have direct experience. Good luck!

achiduck · January 2012

We live in the same city (but opposite ends) as FMIL. We see her every other week probably. She works odd hours and spends most weekends at her SOs house so it's not as often as we all might like.

My Dad lives about 45 mintues away. We see him every month or every other month. We talk on the phone once a week or every other week though.

Kate61487 · January 2012

*ETA: holy wall of text batman. Sorry it got so long*

MIL lives about 45 min away, but H works like 5 min from her house so during the summer (she's a teacher) they'd meet up for lunch once a week. I imagine that will resume when she retires in a couple years. Together, we see her anywhere from once a week to once a month depending on what's going on. It's usually driven by something else though - someone's b-day or a planned dinner with others.

My parents are about 1.5 hrs away so we can only see them on weekends, I try to make sure we see them at least once a month, but again it's usually because I had to go back home for a wedding, or they come up b/c dad wants to shop at the Woodcraft store, etc

I grew up with my grandparents living down the street, so my dad saw his inlaws daily (seeing as how our family business is my dad, mom's dad, and mom's brother that was pretty much unavoidable) so it really depends on the situation.

Also, I agree that your FI can visit his parents without you, but in our case I would not be cool with H having dinner with his mom 3x a week (which, since he works right by her house, he could) because that would mean he was choosing to go there over coming home to me. If I was working late or out of town and he ate there instead of by himself obviously that would be different, KWIM? You don't have to be joined at the hip but I feel like we barely see each other during the week as it is, so having that time in the evenings together is important to me. every relationship is different. Definitely talk to him about how he sees that relationship changing after you get married.

How often do you see the inlaws?

Re: How often do you see the inlaws?

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