My husband and I are fairly wealthy. Our son died, and his widow has mismanaged the life insurance money badly, even though it was a big payout. She will not take advice and has threatened to cut us off from our grandkids. We already have secretly made “loans” to keep them in the house, but she rejects all help. What we can do is take our grandchildren out to eat, shopping, or on vacation. It is easier to see that our grandson needs new shoes and quietly replace them than to ask his mother why his sneakers are full of holes. Everyone gets to keep their pride.
Our other son and his wife both do quite well for themselves. Their children are in private school, and they take expensive vacations. We give their children nice gifts for their birthdays and Christmas. Our daughter-in-law is very concerned about “fairness” and has brought up several times about how much time and attention (and money) we spend on our other grandkids. I tell her their father died, and we need to stay close. She just stares at me. The conversation repeats. She is the only one who sees this as a concern. Her children are teenagers and would rather spend time with their friends, not their grandparents. She rules our son and can’t keep a secret to save her life. I am tired of repeating that my son died and we want to be there for his young children. My other grandchildren have a mother and a father and everything they can possibly want. They do not need us like our grandchildren do. We are struggling here.