Dear Prudence,
My marriage ended because my wife had a late-in-life epiphany that she was gay. After we separated, she and her friend “Carole” began dating. It’s probably pointless to speculate about when they actually got together, although I can’t help but wonder sometimes. I try to concentrate on our 9-year-old daughter (we split custody fifty-fifty), but Carole keeps sticking her oar in. She calls me directly and tries to tell me how to raise my own child. They’re vegan, so I can’t take her out for pizza; I can’t take her to the fair because they’ve grounded her; etc.
I’ve told my ex I only want to speak to her about our kid, barring emergencies, and have reminded them both of our custody agreement. It works for a little while, then Carole starts up again. I recently bought a two-seater sports car and went to pick up my daughter from school, only to find out Carole had told another parent that I would be picking up her daughter as well as my own. This was news to me, I couldn’t fit both girls in the car, and Carole ended up having to leave work early to take the girl home. Everyone was irritated. Carole told me I needed to grow up and that my car was “ridiculous.” If the girls weren’t there, I would have lost my temper. I told Carole she needed to learn to stay in her lane, as she wasn’t the parent here. I ended up fighting with my ex over the phone later. I ended the conversation by saying I was done dealing with this, and next time I would be getting in contact with a lawyer. We have not been to court because I didn’t want to make my daughter’s life more difficult. My ex doesn’t make much money. I want at least to be a civil co-parent with my former wife, but Carole is making that impossible.
—Failing Civility