Coronavirus anxieties

Re: Coronavirus anxieties

• charlotte989875 member

  

  March 2020

  It definitely sucks, there is no doubt about that. For what it’s worth I think you have the right attitude of “it’ll be disappointing if it doesn’t work out but we’ll get married anyway”. At the end of the day that’s what really import, but it’s okay to be disappointed if people can’t make it or if your venue closes. Unfortunately I think we’re all in a wait and see time and there’s not much we can do. Vent anytime you need to! 

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• short+sassy member

  

  March 2020

  Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and I hope everything goes as planned!  But if it doesn't, I promise your all's wedding day will still be amazing and special.
  
  One silver lining is, even with 100% attendance, your group is small enough that you could easily move your reception to a private room at a restaurant or a meeting room at a hotel, jic the city closes the park.
  
  If some of your out-of-town guests can't make it, you can live-stream the ceremony for them.
  

  

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• brightesthour member

  

  March 2020 edited March 2020

  Thanks, both of you! @charlotte989875 I think what makes the "wait and see" so nerve-wracking is that there is no deadline at which I can breathe easy.  I won't feel completely secure about it until I am standing in the park on the morning of the 4th.

  @short+sassy Livestreaming is a great idea.  My FI actually brought that up a couple months ago because one of his closest friends is overseas, so I will mention it again.
  

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  March 2020

  @MairePoppy @KnotHolly Vendor alert

  

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  March 2020

  OliveOilsMom said:

  @MairePoppy @KnotHolly Vendor alert

  Thank you!
  
  

                     

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• brightesthour member

  

  March 2020

  Well, it happened, just one day after I made this post.  It's amazing how quickly everything is falling apart.  We lost the venue on Friday, I was a mess all weekend, but finally I had made peace with the idea that we could basically have the same event in our backyard.  We could even use all the decorations I had bought.

  Then today I texted the caterer to let her know about the change in plans, and she let me know the restaurant owner considering shutting down for a few weeks.  Okay, a lot of the restaurants that are doing that are still delivering, so they might still be able to deliver our food even if they don't want any servers to stay.  But now the Bay Area has instituted a "shelter in place" order. We are a couple hundred miles away, but almost a quarter of the guests are coming from there.  I want to say I trust their judgment not to come, but honestly I don't.  Weddings are important to people and they might consider it a necessary exception to make.

  So now I'm left wondering if it's even worth it to continually modify our plans as more and more things go sideways, or just rip the band-aid off and say that our wedding will be family only.  We can still do the reception we had planned as a "celebration of marriage" later this year (we were not doing any of the wedding traditions such as a first dance, etc., and I'm wearing a short yellow bridesmaid dress instead of a traditional gown so I can even wear that again).

  My FI and I will discuss this further when I get home this afternoon.  But I'm starting to feel like it would be selfish to put my guests' health, and the health of everyone in their lives, at risk for the sake of my wedding.  I'm having a little bit of a self-pity party about everything going so wrong, but I know I'm not the only one affected.
  

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• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  March 2020

  I think you need to postpone the celebration until later. People shouldn't be getting together in large groups (greater than immediate family). I know you are terribly disappointed but the health of your guests, family and you are more important than a party. Be sad but be glad you are making the right decision.

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• knottief9f7873f46c01f11 member

  

  March 2020

  Thank you so much for the info about text my guests, I just had to cancel my wedding as well & really don't feel like contacting 125 people right now to let them each know. I love every one of them but right now I just need to focus on staying positive & being asked the same questions over & over isn't helping:(

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• knottie87bdb30e26fbaaea newb

  

  March 2020

  When was your wedding scheduled for? 

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• climbingsingle member

  

  March 2020

  I really think you need to postpone your wedding. It's now been suggested to not even have gatherings of more than 10 people. How old are your parents? Aunts and uncles? Do you have grandparents? You could be putting them all at risk. 

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• brightesthour member

  

  March 2020 edited March 2020

  Thanks for the replies, everyone.  We pulled the cord yesterday.  We are still getting married on April 4, but the guest list is immediate family and one friend each.  We both have small families so that keeps us under 10 people, including us.  (@climbingwife Our original guest list was only 24; we did not invite aunts/uncles or my grandmother to begin with since they are all out of state.)  My dad is performing the ceremony and we had to get a confidential license (no witnesses required), so if things devolve further we really only need the three of us to get married.  We will have a party to celebrate with our friends in a few months/however long it takes for things to normalize.

  It would have been nice to have the celebration we planned, but that wasn't the most important part of the day to me. We are not postponing the marriage because I am ready to call this man my husband.  (And on a more practical note, he needs to be on my insurance, like, YESTERDAY.)

  (ETA some more details.)
  

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  March 2020

  brighteshour - I commend you for making the best of a bad situation. Best wishes for a beautiful wedding day, even if it's not the day you planned.

                     

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  March 2020

  MairePoppy said:

  brighteshour - I commend you for making the best of a bad situation. Best wishes for a beautiful wedding day, even if it's not the day you planned.

  I agree! I think it’s such a hard time now, but you seem to have a really great perspective about it all! 

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• jmichalakes member

  

  March 2020

  My venue canceled on us too and we are also hosting a small backyard event. We're heartbroken. We're not getting a refund but our venue is letting us reschedule. Our vendors have all been great and helpful. I guess our silver lining, which doesn't feel so great right now, is that we get to have two weddings-- one small backyard event where we actually get married and then the bigger reception we really wanted that's now kind of irrelevant.
  
  I'm so sorry to all the other spring brides who are disappointed right now. I'm right there with you and we're not alone. It's true the important part is getting married and we all still get to do that, at least. 
  
  We've been saying all along that the day is about us but it's for our guests and that's what we need to keep in mind when we throw the party we originally wanted. It still hurts though. 

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• brightesthour member

  

  March 2020

  @MairePoppy and @charlotte989875, thank you!  I think it's been relatively easy for me to make peace with it (after some initial kicking and screaming) because I was never really one to picture my perfect wedding.  The celebration party we would like to have in a few months can be exactly the reception we had planned without veering into PPD territory because we weren't going to do any kind of wedding traditions (I called it low-key; my FI lovingly called it "no-key.")  I'm sure it's been a lot harder for brides who imagined a more traditional wedding, and I hope they are all able to come up with a plan they are happy with.
  

  @jmichalakes I'm so sorry you're also going through this.  I'm glad you are able to find a silver lining, and your wedding will still be special no matter how it goes down. At the very least, all this heartache will make an interesting story in a couple years.
  

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  March 2020

  @jmichalakes best wishes to you, too.
  
  

                     

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• aandb_tiethek_n_o_t member

  

  March 2020

  I had to cancel wedding 4 days before. Our county is banning any public and  private gatherings which broke my heart after 2 yrs of saving and planning. My fiancee reminded  me that nothing is more important than the health and safety of our loved ones. May  God give us the straight  to get through  these tough times. All my spring  brides you are not alone. 

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• STARMOON44 member

  

  March 2020

  Read this article and reconsider having even family gather:
  
  https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/18/nyregion/new-jersey-family-coronavirus.html?action=click&module=Spotlight&pgtype=Homepage
  

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