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Use. Your. Words.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I am telecommuting as a result of the pandemic. My husband was given extra paid time off by his job and is bored out of his skull. He is constantly in and out of the bedroom where I am working: He wants to bring me tea or he forgot his cellphone or he wants to show me a meme or he wants me to take a walk with him. It is driving me nuts. I need to concentrate and can’t. Yesterday we fought because he brought me tea and I told him I didn’t ask for tea. I told him he needs to leave me alone and he got huffy. I love my husband, but I am actually missing sitting in traffic because I get to be alone with my thoughts!

—More Social Distancing, Please

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Re: Use. Your. Words.

  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Everyone is on edge right now. Be clear (and nice) about what isn’t working and that your work load hasn’t changed. 

    I had to tell this to my sister this morning. She’s WFH but doesn’t have a lot going on, wants to get my niece out of the house and wanted to drop by for a visit. I had to tell her she couldn’t because H and I both need to be online during work house, and actually working. 
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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I've been WFH for a while, and my MIL couldn't fathom that I'm not supposed to be disturbed during my work hours.  Only my dog is allowed to just walk into my office ... no I can't take phone calls or text people except on breaks.  It's a conversation that needs to be had fairly early, but it's not that hard.  "I can't be disturbed while I'm working - I might be on a call/video/chat.  Check first before coming in please!  I'd really appreciate it".

    That being said, tea randomly appearing is not something I would get upset about.  But, that is completely me and my situation!  Tea does not distract, tea is a necessity.

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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    kerbohl said:
    I've been WFH for a while, and my MIL couldn't fathom that I'm not supposed to be disturbed during my work hours.  Only my dog is allowed to just walk into my office ... no I can't take phone calls or text people except on breaks.  It's a conversation that needs to be had fairly early, but it's not that hard.  "I can't be disturbed while I'm working - I might be on a call/video/chat.  Check first before coming in please!  I'd really appreciate it".

    That being said, tea randomly appearing is not something I would get upset about.  But, that is completely me and my situation!  Tea does not distract, tea is a necessity.

    SIB:

    This was the one part of the letter that I also thought sounded great, lol!  Though I suspect he uses the tea as an excuse to want to come in and talk to the LW.  I also thought the LW was making too big of a deal about him coming into the bedroom to get his cell phone.

    But everything else is related to setting boundaries.  The LW, at a calm time, should have a firmer discussion about that.  With a warning that they'll be sticking to those boundaries and...it's not personal...so he needs to stop being upset when that happens.  Maybe a "code sentence" like, "I'm taking a lunch break from 11:30-noon.  Please show me these memes/let's take a walk then."

    Perhaps it would also help...if the LW has this option...to also have planned "break" times.  Like at 10AM and 2PM, they can go on a short walk.  Or the LW will come into the living room and he can share whatever news/memes that have caught his attention.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    This is my life. H is also WFH pretty regularly, so he should understand that working at home is working, but he doesn't always. He is careful about being sure I'm not on a call when he walks in, but he doesn't have a problem interrupting me in the middle of concentrating on something. Prior to this pandemic, we had some conversations about it and came to a happy agreement.

    Now that we're both home all the time and everything is insane, he's reverted back to his previous behavior. I know he's stressed and anxious about everything that's going on and just looking for some human interaction, but we're going to have to have another conversation this weekend. I think LW's H may be craving human touch and comfort. While they can make the effort during off work hours, they could also help the H think of ways to stay connected with other family/friends (hopefully those that are also off during the day.) 
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