When I was 20, my older sister and her wife approached me about being a sperm donor for them. My family was all for it. Looking back, they all put a lot of pressure on me to say yes. I love my niece, and she understands the circumstances of her birth, but I’ve had a few uncomfortable moments where she looks and acts so much like me that I instinctively think, “Oh wow, she’s my kid.” I don’t regret my decision, but I wouldn’t do it again. I’m now seriously dating a woman I see a future with. My sister and her wife have separated twice (it’s been a tumultuous marriage). They recently reconciled and decided they want a second kid—and for me to donate sperm again. I said no, and my sister got really upset. She said I was “destroying” her chance at a second child because she wants a biological link between the kids. She even tried blaming my girlfriend (they don’t really get along because their personalities clash), but I told my sister to back off, that it was sick to think anyone “owed” her sperm, and that babies don’t fix broken marriages.
That offended my sister-in-law (who, frankly, my parents prefer to all of their own kids). Now my parents are picking apart my refusal: Am I planning to get married and have kids with my girlfriend soon? You said yes before, why not now? Don’t you think they are good moms? Why don’t you want to give us another grandchild? Even my other sister is puzzled about my refusal. I pointed out she could donate an egg to help them out and she said it wasn’t the same. I am beating my head against a brick wall here. I don’t get why my “no” isn’t enough, especially since my family is supposedly very liberal and supports reproductive freedom. This is putting a lot of stress on my relationship because my family has decided to scapegoat my girlfriend rather than deal with my older sister’s entitlement.
—No Round Two