Wedding Woes

Break up with both of them.

Dear Prudence,

I know this sounds ridiculous, but COVID boredom pushed me to do something bad: I catfished someone. Basically, I’ve always had deep curiosity about what life would be like if I was significantly more physically attractive and dating someone other than my current, long-term-heading-toward-marriage partner. I created a fake profile using a photo of someone my same age but much more conventionally attractive. I adopted personality traits I always wish I possessed (more adventurous/free-spirited, into partying, etc.) and ended up matching with someone in my area. We texted constantly, then moved to phone calls. We haven’t met up yet despite four months of talking, but that isn’t out of the ordinary in these strange times due to COVID. Prudie, we’re in love. We talk nearly all day and deep into the night. I’ve never felt this way about someone. But now I feel sick with guilt. For one, I’m definitely emotionally cheating on my long-term partner. They have no idea because they live in a different state and we obviously aren’t traveling to each other right now. Second, I know the person I’ve been talking to will be heartbroken when they find out I’m not who they thought I was. I know I probably need therapy, but I can’t afford it right now. How do I extricate myself from this mess? Leaving my partner for this new person is an awful idea, right? What in the world should I do?

—Gone Catfishin’

Re: Break up with both of them.

  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Re: therapy, some insurances are paying for it if its covid related... but it sounds like LW can’t afford it because of lack of insurance and not just the copays?
    i like the dump them both and soul search answer.

  • LW, you're an idiot.

    This is going to be a UO.  I've never done it, but I don't necessarily see anything wrong with catfishing if it is done lightly and for no other reason then to virtually engage in make-believe, once in awhile.  And not on a dating site either.  I've always assumed that's some of the appeal of those fantasy online games, because those are acceptable and understood ways to virtually live like a different person/persona.

    Ya know, I'm going to give a caveat to that.  Don't use someone else's picture.  Especially if it isn't a stock photo and was some pic randomly grabbed off the Internet without the person's permission.  Instead, someone can just photoshop the hell out of one of their own pics.  Like the South Park episode, lol.

    But with all that said, a person needs to be very cognizant that this is nothing but make-believe.  And the minute it starts getting too real or a relationship is starting to form, they need to be ready to end it or come clean.  The fact that the LW even started chatting with someone near them is eyerolling.  Because, of course, that makes it more likely a meeting might be wanted by both of them.

    Just as an example of how obvious that last sentence is.  While certainly not romantic!  I've become friends IRL with someone I met on my real estate forum.  I've also met three other people from that forum who are local RE investors.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • You were bored and you thought the answer was to lie to someone for months while cheating on your partner? Break up with both of them and get help. 
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