Wedding Woes

Don't talk about the house anymore and do what you want.

Dear Prudence,
When our father died, all three of his children inherited equal shares of his house. I bought out my siblings’ shares, since they wanted cash and I needed a place to live. Four years and a whole lot of renovations later, I am in a position to sell it for a pretty penny. The area has gone through an upswing, and it is a seller’s market. My sister is pissed about this. She thinks she deserves a slice of the sale because she managed to get pregnant twice. Our father would have “wanted” his grandchildren provided for. How she burned through all her inheritance is a topic she refuses to touch. Our relationship has basically boiled over to a point I don’t see it getting repaired.

What hurts is my brother has admitted he isn’t “happy” about the situation and thinks it is “unfair.” I got angry and asked him if it was fair that I paid the taxes, redid the bathroom, and took out loans for the restoration? My siblings didn’t come over to help me paint. My brother told me to drop the subject. I don’t know what to do. I know it would have disappointed our father to see us acting like this, but I bought out my siblings at above-market rates four years ago! What can I do?

—House Rich

short+sassy

Re: Don't talk about the house anymore and do what you want.

  • ei34ei34 member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ugh, this is one of those crappy scenario letters.  LW is completely in the right, and yet there's nothing they can do to change their siblings' views (no matter how ridiculous).  Sorry you're in this position, LW.
    short+sassy
  • The siblings can purchase the house back from her once she puts it on the market and do with it as they please!  

    The question is whether the LW has a place lined up to live next...
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  • Not everyone, but many people are the GD worst when it comes to money.  It does not matter how completely 1,000% times infinity they are in the wrong, they will hang onto for dear life whatever made-up gossamer thread makes them feel entitled to other people's money.

    The LW has already explained their reasoning.  At this point, they should just put together 1-2 sentences that they just keep repeating when the subject comes up and leave conversations if the sister (or brother) won't drop it.

    Not that it would probably make a difference, but I would give one last analogy to the siblings.  "Think about it this way.  If we had sold the house and split the proceeds three ways.  And then that stranger buyer made exactly the same improvements I did, while the neighborhood appreciated.  Would you be going back to them asking for a share in the appreciation?  Of course not.  Because that's RIDICULOUS. The only difference is you happen to know the buyer.  Me. And your "tie" to this house ended the day I paid you fair market value for your share."
    Agreed!

    The problem is that these siblings are 
    1) Greedy.
    2) Possibly seeing 1 above as a tie to their emotions in that house.   Had they all just taken the $ and run off with investments would they say to the sister, "You invested in Tesla with your portion and now that stock's gone through the roof!   We want our money too!"   But instead they see some sort of personal tie and my guess is it's because they had a feeling of personal and somewhat financial ownership.

    No amount of arguing is going to change people though.
    mrsconn23charlotte989875short+sassykerbohl
  • banana468 said:
    Not everyone, but many people are the GD worst when it comes to money.  It does not matter how completely 1,000% times infinity they are in the wrong, they will hang onto for dear life whatever made-up gossamer thread makes them feel entitled to other people's money.

    The LW has already explained their reasoning.  At this point, they should just put together 1-2 sentences that they just keep repeating when the subject comes up and leave conversations if the sister (or brother) won't drop it.

    Not that it would probably make a difference, but I would give one last analogy to the siblings.  "Think about it this way.  If we had sold the house and split the proceeds three ways.  And then that stranger buyer made exactly the same improvements I did, while the neighborhood appreciated.  Would you be going back to them asking for a share in the appreciation?  Of course not.  Because that's RIDICULOUS. The only difference is you happen to know the buyer.  Me. And your "tie" to this house ended the day I paid you fair market value for your share."
    Agreed!

    The problem is that these siblings are 
    1) Greedy.
    2) Possibly seeing 1 above as a tie to their emotions in that house.   Had they all just taken the $ and run off with investments would they say to the sister, "You invested in Tesla with your portion and now that stock's gone through the roof!   We want our money too!"   But instead they see some sort of personal tie and my guess is it's because they had a feeling of personal and somewhat financial ownership.

    No amount of arguing is going to change people though.
    That's exactly it.  I mean, I think they also blew through their money and are mad that LW stands to profit MORE off the house than their share at the time the estate was split up.  But if LW hadn't bought them out and took their share to buy a different house and then did the same thing, this wouldn't even be an issue.  They are placing a monetary value on sentimentality and that LW somehow owes them because they may have assumed LW was going to keep the house forever instead of renovating and then deciding to sell.  They (seemingly) can't afford to buy it from LW, so they're going to attack what they can go after. 
    charlotte989875banana468short+sassyOliveOilsMom
  • MesmrEwe said:
    The siblings can purchase the house back from her once she puts it on the market and do with it as they please!  

    The question is whether the LW has a place lined up to live next...
    I know the former owner of my house (not before I bought it) because he has relatives who owns a number of houses on my block and the next.  Plus he runs a landscape business and we use him for both our front yard and one of our rentals.

    He lost it in foreclosure around 2010.  But it's not the usual sad story.  He used it as collateral for a bunch of loans...to the point where he owed far more than the house was worth...so then he defaulted on all the loans and walked away.

    He has told myself and my H a few times that, if we ever want to sell, to let him know.  I mean, sure, we would.  But, just like the LW, we've fixed up the house and there was substantial appreciation between 2014-2018.  I suspect he's under some kind of delusion as to what it is worth now and would be floored if we ever went to him and said, "Hey Former Owner, we're about to put our house on the market and are giving you a heads up, like you requested.  The list price is (market value).  Are you still interested?"
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    MNNEBridecharlotte989875OliveOilsMomMesmrEwe
  • MesmrEwe said:
    The siblings can purchase the house back from her once she puts it on the market and do with it as they please!  

    The question is whether the LW has a place lined up to live next...
    I know the former owner of my house (not before I bought it) because he has relatives who owns a number of houses on my block and the next.  Plus he runs a landscape business and we use him for both our front yard and one of our rentals.

    He lost it in foreclosure around 2010.  But it's not the usual sad story.  He used it as collateral for a bunch of loans...to the point where he owed far more than the house was worth...so then he defaulted on all the loans and walked away.

    He has told myself and my H a few times that, if we ever want to sell, to let him know.  I mean, sure, we would.  But, just like the LW, we've fixed up the house and there was substantial appreciation between 2014-2018.  I suspect he's under some kind of delusion as to what it is worth now and would be floored if we ever went to him and said, "Hey Former Owner, we're about to put our house on the market and are giving you a heads up, like you requested.  The list price is (market value).  Are you still interested?"
    I think as soon as evictions and foreclosures are allowed to be opened back up we're going to see a lot of that type of thing happening!  REALLY scary to think about because of the scale it will be!
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  • MesmrEwe said:
    MesmrEwe said:
    The siblings can purchase the house back from her once she puts it on the market and do with it as they please!  

    The question is whether the LW has a place lined up to live next...
    I know the former owner of my house (not before I bought it) because he has relatives who owns a number of houses on my block and the next.  Plus he runs a landscape business and we use him for both our front yard and one of our rentals.

    He lost it in foreclosure around 2010.  But it's not the usual sad story.  He used it as collateral for a bunch of loans...to the point where he owed far more than the house was worth...so then he defaulted on all the loans and walked away.

    He has told myself and my H a few times that, if we ever want to sell, to let him know.  I mean, sure, we would.  But, just like the LW, we've fixed up the house and there was substantial appreciation between 2014-2018.  I suspect he's under some kind of delusion as to what it is worth now and would be floored if we ever went to him and said, "Hey Former Owner, we're about to put our house on the market and are giving you a heads up, like you requested.  The list price is (market value).  Are you still interested?"
    I think as soon as evictions and foreclosures are allowed to be opened back up we're going to see a lot of that type of thing happening!  REALLY scary to think about because of the scale it will be!
    On the real estate investing forum I frequent, some of the investors have talked about they are hoarding cash right now in anticipation of the extra foreclosures that are going to be hitting the market next year.
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    MesmrEwe
  • MesmrEwe said:
    MesmrEwe said:
    The siblings can purchase the house back from her once she puts it on the market and do with it as they please!  

    The question is whether the LW has a place lined up to live next...
    I know the former owner of my house (not before I bought it) because he has relatives who owns a number of houses on my block and the next.  Plus he runs a landscape business and we use him for both our front yard and one of our rentals.

    He lost it in foreclosure around 2010.  But it's not the usual sad story.  He used it as collateral for a bunch of loans...to the point where he owed far more than the house was worth...so then he defaulted on all the loans and walked away.

    He has told myself and my H a few times that, if we ever want to sell, to let him know.  I mean, sure, we would.  But, just like the LW, we've fixed up the house and there was substantial appreciation between 2014-2018.  I suspect he's under some kind of delusion as to what it is worth now and would be floored if we ever went to him and said, "Hey Former Owner, we're about to put our house on the market and are giving you a heads up, like you requested.  The list price is (market value).  Are you still interested?"
    I think as soon as evictions and foreclosures are allowed to be opened back up we're going to see a lot of that type of thing happening!  REALLY scary to think about because of the scale it will be!
    On the real estate investing forum I frequent, some of the investors have talked about they are hoarding cash right now in anticipation of the extra foreclosures that are going to be hitting the market next year.
    From an investments standpoint I'm in agreement - right now is NOT the time to even think of buying - holding off until May to start looking (figuring 6mo to the process) is the way to go!  
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    kerbohl
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