Wedding Woes

Quit for sure, but he was 'furious' about your feelings?

Dear Prudence,

I worked for my husband’s marketing company for five years. It was only him, myself, and one other person. Six months ago we bought a house, and his business grew exponentially. After a lot of discussion, it was agreed that I would scale back my work for him, as I can do it at home while handling numerous repairs, deliveries, etc. What I do is very integral in the running of this business. Three months ago, due to the volume of work needing to be done, he hired five new people, all young and full of energy and ideas. Technically I’m still part of the company, but I am excluded from every luncheon, meeting, and team-building function. I am terribly hurt and feel left out yet still am expected to do my job and interact with these employees. My husband is furious that I feel this way and does not understand. Apparently I am “bothering him” with my complaining and bringing him down. I feel like I just need to quit altogether and find a new job. Any advice?

—Left in the Dust

Re: Quit for sure, but he was 'furious' about your feelings?

  • Quit. And tell him it was because of poor management. 

    Okay, maybe not the second part but tell him if you are expected to do the same work as others you expect to be treated as part of the team. 

    But also a huge red flag that your shares your feelings with him and instead of listening he got angry and made it about him. 
  • I am flummoxed as to why the LW would no longer be invited luncheons, meetings, and team building functions.  Especially if they want to be included.

    Maybe I am going off into left field.  But because it is such weird behavior from the H...both the exclusion and the angry outburst...I'm wondering what else is going on.  Like is the H having an affair...or wants to have an affair...with one of the new "young and full of energy" employees?  Something else?
    That's also possible. 

    But regardless, there's something amiss here.  The relationship cannot be OK with this treatment.  
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2020
    Ah - the fun of Family Business Dynamics and being the spouse/in-law!  

    LW - quit - tell him PPM disease was taking over and you got out before it reached a head...  Either you're part of the team or you're not, you may be a spouse, but unless you're an independent contractor, in which case you get to charge more for your work since there are additional factors involved (not a dumb idea in the long-term btw), the position has changed so does the rest of the dynamic and if it's not working for you, it's the marriage or the business...  Sleeping with the boss helps the negotiations sometimes...
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