Dear Prudence,
On the last day of a family trip, my stepfather suddenly died. We knew he didn’t have long, but it was still pretty traumatic. My mother and I have always been close, and I was her rock for the first year after his death. Then she met someone and abruptly stopped talking to me, my brother, and our kids. I brought it up with her countless times, telling her how it felt, how much I missed her, and eventually warning her that it will affect her relationship with her children and grandchildren. This new guy was incredibly off-putting. We gave him a chance, but it was very clear that he was taking advantage of her generosity and large pension. She finally realized that he was not interested in a relationship with her, and they stayed friends.
Now she’s dating someone new, and I was recently at her home for the weekend. “Adam” was there, constantly interrupting me and talking over me. He tried to diagnose one of my family members with a common disorder because he took one psych course in college. This was only my second time meeting him, but I let it go. The next day, I mentioned one of my daughters quit horseback riding, and he interrupted to tell me a good parent would have made her get back on the horse. I let him know that she did get back on the horse and finished off her lessons for that month as well. He just kept putting his oar in all weekend—at one point he told me he thought my behavior is “maladaptive” and I should rethink my decisions. I looked at my mom, and she said nothing. I went to my room and started packing. Adam came in to apologize, touching my back to get my attention. I told him I didn’t ask for his opinion, that he was not my father, and that just because he was sleeping with my mother didn’t mean he was entitled to speak about situations he knows nothing about. He walked away, and my mom came in shouting that I was behaving like an adolescent and that I should have just told him when he was interrupting. I asked her when it became my house, because it’s the host’s responsibility to correct bad behavior. She lost it when I pointed out that she had abandoned her family for the last two years. It’s now been two weeks, and I haven’t spoken to my mother. I truly don’t want to. Is it wrong that I’m waiting for her to apologize?
—Bad Blood