Dear Prudence,
My husband’s always been an avid gamer, but for the last couple of years it’s been an issue of contention in our marriage. He games from the time he comes home until bedtime. Sometimes he’ll help with dinner. We eat together for five to 10 minutes while he gets up to check his games, unless I put a movie on. When he’s not working, he games from 7 a.m. to 10 or 11 p.m. I play video games too, so I understand the appeal, but I try to limit my time to an hour or two a day. Lately the only way I can get time with him is if I suggest we play a game together, but I don’t want that to be my only option. We’ve been married for three years and both want to start a family, but I worry he’ll be a neglectful father and put the workload of parenting on me. He’s helpful when I ask for something, but he gets tunnel vision over his games and leaves household management to me. It’s also becoming less likely we will have a child when he games every night. We only have sex once or twice a month now, and I have to initiate it every time.
I’ve tried talking to him about how I feel. I’ve asked him to set a schedule for his gaming. I’ve asked him to limit gaming to four nights a week. I’ve asked him for one date night a week. I’ve suggested couples counseling. His reactions range from apologetic with a promise to do better (which doesn’t last), to sleeping on the couch and threatening to give up gaming entirely. I’m becoming exhausted from having the same conversation over and over. I’m willing to change whatever I need to make our marriage work, and I’ve gone to counseling alone in the past. I’m just not sure he’s willing to do the same. Is there anything else I can do?
—Second Fiddle to Second Life