Wedding Woes

She doesn't want advice, so stop it.

Dear Prudence,

My older sister and I live several states apart. She has made friends with a divorced man around her age from her church. She has had a crush on him for quite a while, though she has never dated and has not even mentioned having a crush on anyone since a painful rejection in high school. Even though he does not reciprocate, she continues to try to impress him. After 15 years of having dyed-black hair, my sister asked my mom to bleach it blond based on his suggestion. Apparently she’d had an intense argument with this man when she was about to touch up her roots! My sister fights rudely with anyone who gives her even a little advice, even her loved ones. Now, she’s willing to make choices based on what this man says. My cousins, my brother, and I are all worried, but what can we do without driving her defenses up and pushing her away from us and toward him?

—Blood Is Thicker Than Dye

Re: She doesn't want advice, so stop it.

  • Leave it.  Sis is going to make the decisions she decides to make even if the dude is a jerk. 
  • The sister is a grown adult, albeit an inexperienced one in regards to romantic relationships.  I know it's hard to see a loved one chasing after someone who isn't appropriate for them, ie this guy doesn't sound romantically interested in the sister.  And, if I'm understanding correctly, he is a domineering AH who had the gall to argue with the sister about what she did with HER hair.  But most people need to learn those lessons for themselves.

    The LW and their siblings/parents should remain an outlet for emotional support and help pick up the pieces when the sister also finally realizes how futile her chase is.  But, in the meantime, they need to let the sister live her own life.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • LW and family sound awfully judgey.  No wonder sis doesn't tell them anything and lashes out when someone gives her what they think is 'advice'.   

    Also, LW isn't physically in sis's day to day life.  So trying to 'intervene' is dumb and moot.  IF you're really that concerned about sister's well-being, move closer...and stop judging. It may not change anything at all, but I'm sure this seems to odd to sister that LW is trying to do this shit long-distance. 

    Another option? Find something else to occupy your time and worry, LW. 
  • Your sister asked for advice about hair bleach, not her dating life. 
  • Your sister asked for advice about hair bleach, not her dating life. 
    She actually didn't even do that, lol.  Maybe with the mom, but not with the LW.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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