Hi, New Prue! (Is that ok?) I have been married to my husband for about 10 years and together for 15. We sort of have a great marriage, but only “on paper” and “when things are working.” I am most likely the problem. My business was decimated during COVID, so I took a full-time job. But I still have my (entrepreneurial) business and it has also returned to full-time. My husband doesn’t want me to give up my full-time stable paycheck—I get that. He also makes at least quadruple what I do. Part of the issue is that he controls our finances. I do contribute, but the amount I pay monthly is referred to (by him) as “the tithe.” If I don’t pay “the tithe,” he speaks to me less. But none of this is the real issue! It’s that when I do something wrong, whether by accident or not, he stops speaking to me. If I do something he doesn’t like, he won’t speak to me for HOURS until he asks me if I am ready to apologize. I am not a pushover type of person. I am strong and smart and dynamic and a leader. But I am not passive-aggressive and don’t have the energy to battle this on a passive-aggressive level. I tend towards direct confrontation. It doesn’t work. Trying to discuss things calmly doesn’t work. I just don’t know what to do. I think my husband hates me but won’t say it. How can I deal with our different styles of conflict.
— Hated By Husband