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You're not overreacting.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

My partner and I oppose drunk driving—we just don’t do it. But my partner has a friend who we often see leaving events where he has clearly had a few but chooses to drive anyway. Every time I see this happen, I step in (I offer a ride at first and then insist—but he always insists he is good.) I don’t think it’s a choice, but a moral obligation. My partner doesn’t back me up in the moment; he knows that his friend will just escalate and drive himself home anyway. I understand that my partner has more to lose in these scenarios than I do (there are complicated politics with people who he works with also being present). I find myself losing respect for my partner and for everyone (the party hosts, the colleagues, the friends) who sees this and lets it go on. Am I overreacting here? I’m in the severe minority, but to me this isn’t a gray area—if you’re having trouble walking, you’re not in a good condition to drive. How should we handle these situations in the future? What can we do when our rides are refused, but we still want to maintain a friendship?

— A Few Too Many

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Re: You're not overreacting.

  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited October 2021
    Yup. Let this dude get arrested once. Then maybe he’ll pay the uber/lyft/cab fare in the future. 

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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yah having trouble walking is not okay to drive. If this was 1-2 drinks over a few hours with food and water, that’s a different story. This guy is clearly over the legal limit and everyone is acting like it’s no big deal. 
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Also stop inviting friend when there's alcohol or make it a new rule that people who drink must stay over for everyone's safety.

    Or stop serving alcohol.

    You can report them but there's other options.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    STARMOON44 said:
    Step outside where no one is around , take note of his license plate number, and call the police and report him. 
    And to add - you should consider talking to your partner about the obligation of how this is not just a risk to your friend but the friend is a risk to others.
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  • flantasticflantastic member
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    Doesn't sound like your partner is that opposed to drunk driving, if it involves any professional risk to himself.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    MissKittyDanger said:
    Also stop inviting friend when there's alcohol or make it a new rule that people who drink must stay over for everyone's safety.

    Or stop serving alcohol.

    You can report them but there's other options.
    This is not a viable rule if the people are adults with homes.  At 41 there's no way I'd agree to a "keys in the bowl and must stay overnight" rule.

    That said, I do agree to the earlier portion that if this is a guy who is shown to be a problem drinker then his presence is a danger to everyone he encounters on the way home and some night it could be the LW and partner or someone they love and it SHOULDN'T come to having to know someone directly affected to take action.  Driving while over-served is dangerous and if this guy is clearly showing that he's lost motor skills due to his drinking then ignoring it because he could Popeye his way home all the other nights is not an option.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited October 2021
    Well first you need to have a conversation with your partner before this scenario pops up. You know you're going to X event, you know Joe will be there, talk now about how you will handle it if Joe tries to drive drunk. You may be able to get partner's help. 

    But yeah, if you have no other option, report him. You've got to do everything in your power to stop him before he hurts someone. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    STARMOON44 said:
    Step outside where no one is around , take note of his license plate number, and call the police and report him. 
    The LW and their partner should continue to warn him he shouldn't be driving and offer him rides.  Every single time.  Because one day it might finally get through.

    But, in the meantime when he refuses, so much this post!  It's all they have left to protect their friend and, more importantly, the rest of the community. 

    It's one thing when someone does something stupid that can only hurt themselves.  But it's quite another when they put other people in danger.

    I managed a gas station back in the day.  There were a few times when someone came in, obviously very drunk, wanting to buy gas.  I'd pretend to turn the pump on and then call the police.  I even had one person come back a few days later...sober...and actually thanked me for calling the police on him.
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    You said it best yourself, LW - if you're too drunk to walk, you're too drunk to drive. It is not overreacting to try to stop someone from seriously injuring or killing another human being because they were driving when they shouldn't have been. I'm sorry that you are so often the only one in the room who understands this. 

    I agree with @STARMOON44 that noting the license plate and calling the police is a good idea. 
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