Take it to an appraiser.

mrsconn23 · January 2022

Dear Prudence,

Some years ago, my mom randomly gave me a ring. The ring was her first big purchase for herself after she started working. It’s got a gold band, small diamond, and a sapphire set in platinum. I’m not into it and have never worn it. Lately, as I’ve been planning for my future, I’ve been wondering if I should sell it. I’m not a fan of holding onto things that don’t have meaning to me, and I’m trying to both pay off student loans and save to move across the country. How would I go about figuring out how much it’s worth and selling it? Should I share these thoughts with my mom?

— Ring Cha-Ching

banana468 · January 2022

I have mixed feelings about selling something that was likely given with thought. Even if it's not the LW's style I would hope that she weighs options.

I say this as someone who (with DH) was recently given some items that belonged to his grandmother (art painted by DH's great grandfather, some items used in the art like bottles in still life and a metal vase, and Chiquita inherited a strand of pearls). If Chiquita sold the pearls as she aged it would be her right to do so but I'd be disappointed and so would DH.

Rather than selling it I wonder if the LW would have the stones re-set some day into another piece. I get not wanting to hold onto things that don't have meaning but it had meaning to their mother and I think LW is discounting that for the LW's mom it represented freedom. Perhaps the LW can ask the mom if there would be any hard feelings if the LW used it to further their financial freedom.

STARMOON44 · January 2022

It’s probably not worth very much and it would likely be hurtful to mom to sell. I’d just hang onto it.

charlotte989875 · January 2022

This is a tough one for me- sure the LW can do with the ring what they like, but what’s the risk if your Mom asks about it?

I’d say get it appraised- it might not be worth as much as you think it is. But also think long term- when your Mom is no longer here how would you feel about having sold this? I’d say get it reset, made into a necklace/ bracelet/ earrings that you would wear.

short+sassy · January 2022

At first, I read the title as "take it to an appetizer". Then I reread it and was disappointed we weren't going to be talking about Buffalo wings or bruschetta.

I'm with @STARMOON44. Jewelry massively loses it's value when it is sold secondhand or sold to a pawn shop. The LW probably wouldn't get much for it anyway, so I don't think they should hurt their mother's feelings. Either turn it into a piece of jewelry they would like. Or wait until she has passed on and then sell it.

Plus, it's a ring. Not a dining room table. So it doesn't take much space and can just be left in a jewelry box.

mrsconn23 · January 2022

LW's tone makes me wonder if there's something else at play here regarding this ring. Mom clearly held this ring at a certain level of sentimentality and passed it to her child with a specificity regarding what it meant. That isn't the definition of something given 'randomly'. LW is all, "I hate it, never wear it, and it means nothing to me unless there's money I can get from it." That's just...odd.

I'm trying really hard to separate my feelings as someone who's lost their mom and finds having and wearing jewelry that meant so much to her something super important. But this letter is irking me.

At the very least, LW should tell mom that they don't wear the ring and ask if she'd like it back.

VarunaTT · January 2022

She's never worn it and doesn't speak of any issue with mom re: that. I'd sell it and just not tell my mother unless it somehow came up. If it did, I used it to buy my freedom, just like my mother bought it to celebrate hers.

i know that sounds heartless, but my mother and I have recently had a CTJ talk about jewelry and some other things that definitely to my mother mean status and success, but don't mean those things to me at all and honestly, sometimes resent having to remember to use/wear the gifts for her. She has bought me some really expensive jewelry in the past that I do enjoy, but rarely wear. I finally discussed with her that I appreciate her thinking of me in such a manner, but these things don't have the value to me that they do to her, it's not really a status symbol in modern times in my circle of professionalism or personal life, and I'd really rather gifts like X, Y, and Z, or just sharing a dinner or something else.

MyNameIsNot · January 2022

Definitely get it appraised. The value may help make this decision for you, and if you decide to keep it you probably need an appraisal for insurance.

In my relationship with my mom, I'd discuss with her but probably sell it assuming it was worth enough to make a difference in student loans. But that's highly subjective based on relationships.

ILoveBeachMusic · January 2022

My mother gave my several rings that were not my style. After telling her that, she agreed that I should have them reset into things that I would wear. I did and do enjoy wearing those pieces. DD doesn't like all the pieces but she will inherit them someday and can reset them if she wants or I might leave them to grandchildren. I would definitely talk to mother about it before selling it. If LW sells it, then the mother finds out there could be some hurt feelings.

Take it to an appraiser.

Re: Take it to an appraiser.

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