Dear Prudence,
My wife, Jenny, has recently been diagnosed with cancer. Prognosis is cautiously hopeful, but the last few months have started me wondering if I should broach the long-ignored fact that my eldest (who is 15) maybe isn’t biologically mine.
The thing was that when Jenny got pregnant, we both knew that her family would kick her out, whereas mine would be more willing to help out. Especially since I was going to juvie for a while. So even though there were two other guys it might have been (neither of us were exclusive, or smart, looking back) we just said it was mine. When I got home, Ronnie was a few months old, the apple of everyone’s eye, and I think Jenny had just gotten used to the idea he was mine. We never talked about the fact he maybe wasn’t again.
I could have raised the subject too, I know, but I didn’t want to. My whole life I’d been a loser and now there was this little person that just loved me. It was the best thing I’d ever felt. He’s the reason I got anywhere in life. I don’t think he’s biologically mine—when we tried to have more children, it wasn’t possible, and we adopted our daughter—but as far as I’m concerned he is my son.
The possibility that my wife might not have the outcome we hope has, though, made me wonder if we owe it to Ronnie to tell him the truth. Or find out the truth. It just seems that if we’re ever going to it should be while his mom is here to answer his questions and help him track down his biological family. Or would it be better to let sleeping dogs lie? The last thing either of them need in the middle of all this is the thought that I’m looking to hand him off to someone else if the worst happens.
— DNA or Dad