Wedding Party

Can you kick out a groomsman...?

My fiance and I were engaged in September 2009, with our wedding to take place next June. We asked our wedding party early, and all are who we (thought) were our nearest and dearest friends. One of my Fiance's Groomsen has been nothing but trouble and even a terrible friend ever since... it started with him complaining that he wasn't asked to be the Best Man, and from there, he has done things that range from flakey to hurtful....Now about 3 months ago he met someone and has become engaged himself. He is rushing to get married before us, and along the way is plucking ideas we have worked long and carefully to select. We've tried to talk to him about him and he has apologized for his behavior but a week later was right back to it...I'm frustrated, as is my fiance and both of us want to ask him to no longer be a part of our day. The BIG hitch is that we are also friends with the rest of his family...I adore his sisters and want them at the wedding....I am at an utter loss as to what to do. HELP.

Re: Can you kick out a groomsman...?

  • Why are you involved in this at all?  It's your FI's GM.  If he's having a problem with his friend, he should handle it.  Booting him means you will likely not be friends with him or his family anymore.  No, people will not "just understand."

    To boot someone for deciding to get married before you is really selfish.  Don't do it.  Booting a friend for any reason makes you look really petty and, to do it for the reasons you mentioned, actually is petty.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • Unless you want to end the friendship with him, you cannot kick out a groomsman.  You shouldn't have picked your WP so early because of reasons like this.  You and your FI will be the ones that look bad if you kick him out.

    Who cares if he gets married before you?  Why does that matter?  You should see it as a compliment that he likes your ideas so much that he wants to use them for his wedding.


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-kick-out-groomsman?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:47e79091-3052-4e71-a15e-6f19d5dc89d4Post:7259ce95-e8ef-4d43-8d79-35621321f82e">Can you kick out a groomsman...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I were engaged in September 2009, with our wedding to take place next June. We asked our wedding party early, and all are who we (thought) were our nearest and dearest friends. One of my Fiance's Groomsen has been nothing but trouble and even a terrible friend ever since... it started with him complaining that he wasn't asked to be the Best Man, and from there, he has done things that range from flakey to hurtful....Now about 3 months ago he met someone and has become engaged himself. He is rushing to get married before us, and along the way is plucking ideas we have worked long and carefully to select. We've tried to talk to him about him and he has apologized for his behavior but a week later was right back to it...I'm frustrated, as is my fiance and both of us want to ask him to no longer be a part of our day. The BIG hitch is that we are also friends with the rest of his family...I adore his sisters and want them at the wedding....I am at an utter loss as to what to do. HELP.
    Posted by acluster[/QUOTE]
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  • The stuff you've listed is no reason to kick him out ... him complaining about not being Best Man is childish, but not awful. Being mad at him for marrying first is just shallow and childish of you and your FI. Marrying first is not a crime.

    What did he do that you didn't mention that's supposedly so horrible? If this is the worst of his offenses, then you'd be very wrong to boot him. If he was abusive to you guys then that would change my answer, but being whiney and rushing to get married is not an awful thing.

    Plus, if you boot him (especially over stupid crap like this), that's probably the end of your relationship with his sisters. Suck it up, ignore his childish behavior, require nothing more of him than to get the tux and show up to the ceremony, and leave it be.

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  • Good lord, are all of you in high school?
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • I said "no, never" because I didn't want a "sometimes" vote to be misinterpreted. I think the only times its ok are in situations where he has been violent with the bride or groom, tried to sleep with the bride (or groom, for that matter!) or has done something truly awful like commit a murder or a bank robbery - basically the really big things over which you'd end the friendship, no questions asked.
  • Hahaha, No these do not constitute his worse, nor anywhere NEAR the number of offenses...It's the first post I have ever made so I wasn't quite sure about length, and thought I was already being wordy.

    To clarify, we are ALL friends, and have been for quite sometime. He and my FI are also business parteners. His latest offense is leaving an important client in the lurch and thus losing us quite a large account.

    I understand that the "stealing wedding Ideas" seems very petty, lol. Though it still irks me,  I do aknowledge the pettyness.
  • You're overthinking this.  And being unreasonable.  Are you really going to spend valuable time worrying about this until next June? 

    You can't control his actions.  You can only control how you respond to what he does. 

    And finally, I ditto the other posters who said this isn't your problem.  This is between your FI and his friend.  If he has a problem with him, he handles it.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • I personally don't think that his business dealings have anything to do with your wedding.

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  • He doesn't sound like a guy who's got his act together, I'll give you that.

    However, there are many other things going on here.  He and your FI are business partners.  You are friends with his family.  You have so many entanglements and booting him from the wedding would impact a lot of other areas of your life.  Just take a breath and decide no matter what he does, he won't ruin the wedding.  He won't, btw; my sister/MOH tried to ruin things and couldn't.  Once you see your FI on your wedding day you won't be bothered.  Keep your expectations low and take the high road.  
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-kick-out-groomsman?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:47e79091-3052-4e71-a15e-6f19d5dc89d4Post:55ae0345-9195-4877-9f99-fad7cd1d2854">Re: Can you kick out a groomsman...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]He and my FI are also business parteners. His latest offense is leaving an important client in the lurch and thus losing us quite a large account.
    Posted by acluster[/QUOTE]

    That seems like more of a professional thing than a friendship-related thing. I have plenty of friends that I love dearly, but I'd never trust them in a business setting. Not because they're bad people, but because they have no business sense or dedication. Doesn't mean I can't hang out with them and have fun.

    Plus, I can't imagine that booting him from the wedding party would make for a pleasant working environment. And assuming this screw-up at work was an accident, imagine what he might be prone to do if he was mad at your FI for something?

    I could support kicking him out (and getting out of business with him) if he punched your FI, groped you, stole money from you, verbally insulted either of you to your faces, etc. But being flakey isn't really a good reason to boot him, especially if he's always been flakey. I can't imagine that he was a fantastic and responsible guy before you got engaged, then all of a sudden turned into a monster once you asked him to be a groomsman. Weddings tend to bring out the best/worst in people (either that or you just happen to notice their flaws more because you're expecting more from them), but they usually don't make them do a complete 180.
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  • I totally get you on the 180 thing, but its so odd that he has.. Up until this year he has been "just one of the guys!" Always fun to hang around with, a genuinly great person... Then about 8 months ago he just became irresponsible and flakey and mean...none of us can really figure it out...part of me is more coming from a place of worry than anythign else. I don't want to lose him or his family, and really I don't WANT to kick him out, I'm more at a loss of how to handle to situation gracefully. Anytime we (myself, my FI, or the GM's fam) try to approach him) he gets defensive about it... I suppose I'll just have to Take a step away from the situation and let it be. I tend to be a pretty laid back person, so I'll eventually take it in stride...
  • Regarding your wedding, just say, "Here's where to rent the tux, and here's the time and location of the rehearsal and dinner if you can make it. And here's where to be on the day of the wedding." That's all he needs to know regarding being your groomsman. If he doesn't get the tux, or show up to the ceremony on time, then he can take a seat with the guests.

    As far as everything else, I'd just suggest not relying on him for anything (nothing major, anyway), and your FI should be extra-careful with him at work. Back up important documents, keep tabs on him regarding the company's finances and clients, etc.
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