Dear Prudence,
I’m an early forties male married for a little over a year now (first marriage). I’ve always wanted children and to be a father. My wife (second marriage, no kids) stated she’d be willing to have one before we got married, but now I can’t bring the topic up without it overwhelming her. Having a family is a priority to me, a foundational belief. My wife has many concerns (job/career, her pets, our small home, her physical health, her age; mainly she doesn’t like change).
When I try to discuss the many concerns, there’s always another excuse. I’ve suggested adoption, but even that scares her. I could be wrong, but it ultimately seems that my wife doesn’t have the mental capacity or fortitude sufficient to have a child. I feel stuck. I love my wife, but my life would also feel incomplete without a child. She says she’s not “ready”—but how long do I give her to feel “ready” before we’re both too old, and I’m forced to accept a childless existence? Am I horrible for considering divorce if she continues to avoid the topic, or ultimately refuses? I realize marriage isn’t just about my needs, and I’m sure to come off as selfish to some, and that happiness and fulfillment are not only realized through having children. I’m just seeking some advice for my plight. Thanks in advance.
— Unmet Expectations