Dear Prudence,
My marriage was a misery that only got worst after my husband died. We were separated at the time. My adult stepdaughters did everything short of accusing me of murder in order to steal away the estate. They were not happy with getting personal effects of their father and what was promised to them in the will— they tried to take everything that wasn’t nailed down. And then came back with a crow bar. His apartment had been ransacked and his work truck had expensive equipment go missing. I had to work with his employer to get the items back from my stepdaughters. It took the threat of a lawsuit to make them cough it up. The stress was so bad I started to lose my hair.
I had given back my engagement ring to my husband after we separated, since it belonged to his grandmother. I had no idea what he did with it as it wasn’t in his box at the bank. My stepdaughters accused me of deliberately hiding it from them. They confronted me at the funeral. One of them nearly got physical with me and a family friend had to get between us. I finally had to get a restraining order against two of my stepdaughters because of their continual harassment of me. We were never close, but I was never anything but fair to my stepdaughters. I gave them everything their father left them in his will and other sentimental items that he didn’t, like their grandmother’s quilts. I didn’t deserve to be treated like this.
After nearly two years, I finally decided to sell my husband’s old sports car. He was a pack rat, so I had the car professionally cleaned. The ring and a large wad of cash turned up tucked away in the emergency kit. I gave half the cash as a reward to the honest cleaner, but I don’t know what to do about the ring. I do not want to reengage with my former stepdaughters. At all. They were not close to their father at all and despite inheriting his generous life insurance policy, they want after my home and even the vacation house I inherited from my parents. Part of me just wants to toss the ring into the ocean. Part of me wants to send the ring anonymously to my gay ex sister-in-law. She was always at least polite to my face. And it would drive my stepdaughters nuts to see the family ring on her finger, despite the fact none of them have ever been married but have a multitude of children. Am I being petty, practical, or personally setting up family conflict here?
— One Ring