Dear Prudence,
Last week, I was doing some work on our shared desktop computer while my husband’s personal email was still logged in, which I didn’t realize until a notification popped up, and I caught sight of his ex’s name. This is the beautiful, sparkly, outgoing woman who swooped down and took his virginity when he was 27, dated him for six months, dumped him out of nowhere and broke his heart. She is the only other woman he’s ever been with, whereas I haven’t been with anyone but him. As much as I know he loves me, our 4-year-old daughter, and the baby we just found out I’m pregnant with, I’ve always felt insecure about how he still seems to put his ex on a pedestal and agonizes occasionally over losing her.
Unable to control my curiosity, I skimmed the long message she’d sent him, wherein she apologized for how she treated him, rambled on about her unloving parents, their nasty divorce, her abusive early relationships, mental illness, and drug problems, then told how she’d cleaned up, gotten into therapy and meditation, and now, heading into her late 30s, is desperate to become a mom. She said he was the only truly good man she’d ever known, and despite knowing he was already married and a father, she wanted to give their relationship a second chance.
Almost without thinking, I replied as my husband, saying I was very happy in my marriage and to please never contact me again. Then I deleted the sent message, the original, and deleted them from the trash. I haven’t said a word to my husband, and as far as I know she hasn’t emailed him again. But I can’t help feeling guilty about snooping in his email and impersonating him. Do I owe him the truth, even if it ends up costing me everything?
— Shamefaced Snoop