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Thursday

VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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in Wedding Woes
I'm stuck in this weird land of I wish these next two days would just hurry up and go or wanting them to slow all the way down.  Realistically, I'm going to be very relieved to have dad's memorial over with and being able to move on.  I hope there's no family drama and it all goes smoothly.  

I have one thing I'm making myself do at work and then I'm coasting the rest of the day.  No big plans for my weekend b/c I think I'm going to be knocked out by the new vaccine.  I'll be working on the social media campaign for the convention and that's about it.
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Re: Thursday

  • CasadenaCasadena member
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    Busy workday finishing up a lot of things because i'm at a conference in the city all day tomorrow.  Was hoping to meet up with a couple friends for happy hour after but everyone is busy, so that stinks.  The weather is supposed to be awesome for the next few days (60s, sunny, i LOVE it) so we might take the boys to an apple festival in a nearby small town for a carnival, pumpkin painting and lots of treats.  Maybe seeing IL's if they want to come or maybe the zoo if we want to pack a lot in.  We're members this year and have already gone 4 times - the boys love it!
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  • ei34ei34 member
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    Good luck tomorrow @VarunaTT.  It's been a long road for you, I'm glad your dad's memorial is about here.

    My final meet the teacher night is tonight, woo.

    Anyone's kid have a gizmo watch?  I think our kids are too young (elementary aged) but stbxh wants to get them.  Probably so he can text and call them whenever he wants.  Ideally we'll wait until age 13 for a smart phone but I think (and I'm technically the sole guardian who makes these decisions) they're even too young for texting and calling on their own?  Stbxh and I have had a couple of head butts over facetiming- the parent who's with them has to provide not there with access to Facetime.  Perfectly reasonable.  Sometimes he keeps their call going for an hour, and they really don't have that kind of time weeknights.  Sometimes we FT him at 5:30 or 6 and it goes on for 30min...then he calls back at 7 for bedtime.  For everyone thinking "what a great dad", this is the same man that barely glanced at them the last few years when they were under the same roof, *and* he has parenting time with them Tues and Thurs 3-6pm that he's choosing to not take.  He doesn't want any of the work of parenting and weeknights are work (it's written into our visitation schedule that if he takes his weeknight time, he's responsible for getting them to their activities, dinner, and homework).  The kids grumble when I tell them it's time to FT, they don't want to but I am making sure it's happening.  But last night I tried to gently and diplomatically suggest keeping FT calls under half an hour on weeknights, and now he's sending me links for gizmo watches  :|
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Your story reminds me of my friends divorce/custody.  Her ex was a drunken bum who could care less about the kids when he lived with them but once he got a g:f it was all about impressing her and being “the good dad”
    with calls and visits.  it’s all about perception. Being the good guy.
    @VarunaTT Good luck this weekend.  You do you!

    I’m bummed because my apple picking meetup was canceled this Saturday and a scarecrow fest in 2 weeks as nixed for “not enough interest”.   It’s fall ya’ll and NO ONE in these meetups want to do fall things (I’m not even asking for scary things!!!). 

    Anyway, happy first day of fall.  Anyone wanna do fall things with me? Corn mazes, hayrides, apple picking, pumpkin carving, etc…? I’m fun.  I come with references. 

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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    @VarunaTT sending you all the good vibes for the memorial. 

    @ei34 I'm sorry co-parenting with him is like this already. I think your instinct it right that it's too soon for something like that. And honestly, I wouldn't want him to have direct access to them like that. I would give him a schedule for the FT calls (I know easier said that done). Like Monday 6-6:30, and everyone is on the same page and when 6:30 rolls around, time to say goodbye. 

    Work has been insane lately. We purchased a smaller company and took in all of their inventory, which we knew was happening, but the owners did not prepare us for how much inventory it is (we're talking over 150 pallets of mixed product). Today is the first day I've had to breathe for a little bit, and we're not even close to being done. It's the absolute worst time to be doing this as well. 

    Anyway mostly SSDD over here. Work, drive, exercise, dinner, fall asleep on the couch..ha. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Best of luck @VarunaTT.

    Yesterday I had an annoying problem with my dad. He started to talk to me about something, and I started to say something, when he threw a hissy fit and stalked off in a huff. He's always interrupting me but got pissed over being interrupted himself. Then he got defensive about it. I'd attribute it to grieving and stress, but he had a tendency to act like this even before my mother got sick.

    Still job searching. No news there. Bleh.
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    @VarunaTT Valid.
    Wanting to get it done and over with but also not wanting it to be happening.
    Been there. Give yourself a giant, massive break. It's all more emotionally exhausting than you think.
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    @VarunaTT, I hope everything goes well at the memorial.  I know this is a difficult time.

    @ei34, I'm not familiar with gizmo watches, but they sound like a bad idea for their young ages.  I'm sure he misses the kids, but he needs to put their needs above his.  And taking up an hour of their time on busy weeknights is being selfish.  He could spend even more quality time with them if he takes advantage of the visitation schedule.  I am rolling my eyes with you, on that.

    Work is just such a PITA right now.  Then, one of the main client managers wants me to analyze a monthly report I send.  That's going to take a couple hours at least, smh.  I've been sending this report for years.  This is the first time in about 4-5 years that anyone has asked me anything about it.  And he's asking right when I come back from vacation and am slammed.  Really?  REALLY?!?!  I'm not upset with him, but the timing is just so bad and frustrating.

    I cleaned the house some last night.  It's nice to have it feel a little more organized and roomy.  However, I do need to do some serious paper organization.
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    CharmedPam said:
    Your story reminds me of my friends divorce/custody.  Her ex was a drunken bum who could care less about the kids when he lived with them but once he got a g:f it was all about impressing her and being “the good dad”
    with calls and visits.  it’s all about perception. Being the good guy.
    @VarunaTT Good luck this weekend.  You do you!

    I’m bummed because my apple picking meetup was canceled this Saturday and a scarecrow fest in 2 weeks as nixed for “not enough interest”.   It’s fall ya’ll and NO ONE in these meetups want to do fall things (I’m not even asking for scary things!!!). 

    Anyway, happy first day of fall.  Anyone wanna do fall things with me? Corn mazes, hayrides, apple picking, pumpkin carving, etc…? I’m fun.  I come with references. 
    I would totally do fall things with you!  I wish I lived closer, lol.  I've never lived anywhere that had things like that, other than pumpkin carving.
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    FWIW we got Chiquita a phone at 10 in MS once we started to see that she was on her own for activities and using it was the best way to get in touch with us.  That allows her to go to her after school activities and let me know when things run late, etc.   In her MS a lot of kids have them and the rule is that they need to be locked away.  

    We also do not hesitate to make that the first distraction removed. 
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  • CasadenaCasadena member
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    @VarunaTT I hope this weekend goes well for you.  
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    ((hugs)) @VarunaTT. 

    This morning got a little hectic and this afternoon isn't going to be better since there's supposed a major 3pm announcement.  Nothing bad, but there are going to be questions.  I'm on pins and needles waiting for the talking points. 

    SSDD otherwise.  Getting to Prudie.  

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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    ei34 said:
    Good luck tomorrow @VarunaTT.  It's been a long road for you, I'm glad your dad's memorial is about here.

    My final meet the teacher night is tonight, woo.

    Anyone's kid have a gizmo watch?  I think our kids are too young (elementary aged) but stbxh wants to get them.  Probably so he can text and call them whenever he wants.  Ideally we'll wait until age 13 for a smart phone but I think (and I'm technically the sole guardian who makes these decisions) they're even too young for texting and calling on their own?  Stbxh and I have had a couple of head butts over facetiming- the parent who's with them has to provide not there with access to Facetime.  Perfectly reasonable.  Sometimes he keeps their call going for an hour, and they really don't have that kind of time weeknights.  Sometimes we FT him at 5:30 or 6 and it goes on for 30min...then he calls back at 7 for bedtime.  For everyone thinking "what a great dad", this is the same man that barely glanced at them the last few years when they were under the same roof, *and* he has parenting time with them Tues and Thurs 3-6pm that he's choosing to not take.  He doesn't want any of the work of parenting and weeknights are work (it's written into our visitation schedule that if he takes his weeknight time, he's responsible for getting them to their activities, dinner, and homework).  The kids grumble when I tell them it's time to FT, they don't want to but I am making sure it's happening.  But last night I tried to gently and diplomatically suggest keeping FT calls under half an hour on weeknights, and now he's sending me links for gizmo watches  :|
    I’d ask the lawyer what the reasonable boundaries are for this. 
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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    CharmedPam said:
    Your story reminds me of my friends divorce/custody.  Her ex was a drunken bum who could care less about the kids when he lived with them but once he got a g:f it was all about impressing her and being “the good dad”
    with calls and visits.  it’s all about perception. Being the good guy.
    @VarunaTT Good luck this weekend.  You do you!

    I’m bummed because my apple picking meetup was canceled this Saturday and a scarecrow fest in 2 weeks as nixed for “not enough interest”.   It’s fall ya’ll and NO ONE in these meetups want to do fall things (I’m not even asking for scary things!!!). 

    Anyway, happy first day of fall.  Anyone wanna do fall things with me? Corn mazes, hayrides, apple picking, pumpkin carving, etc…? I’m fun.  I come with references. 
    I'm going to Screamfest, but that's in Ontario ... it was the best rated halloween themed event in Ontario last year.

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  • CasadenaCasadena member
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    @CharmedPam what burb (or burb region) are you in?  We should try to meet up sometime!

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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
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    Casadena said:
    @CharmedPam what burb (or burb region) are you in?  We should try to meet up sometime!

    Western suburbs! 

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  • CasadenaCasadena member
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    I'm NW!  We should chat offline about a happy hour or something!
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  • ei34ei34 member
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    edited September 2022
    Thanks @STARMOON44 lawyer said 10-20 minute daily calls are typical, but it varies by family.  We won't be assigned a family court liaison until the divorce is finalized, who can help with compromising, though I would like to think we won't need a social worker to help us navigate every last thing.  I'd suggested post-separation counseling to stbxh to help us be great co-parents, but he declined.  Still feeling things out.. 

    edit spelling
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    CharmedPam said:
    Casadena said:
    @CharmedPam what burb (or burb region) are you in?  We should try to meet up sometime!

    Western suburbs! 
    If you 2 do, please photo proof <3
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