Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Woes
Wedding Woes
New Discussion
Options

Tell them their family is no longer welcome to the food/drinks

short+sassyshort+sassy member
First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
in Wedding Woes

My apartment complex is small—only about six units. Most of us are long term residents and we have a friendly tradition of getting together for food and conversation in the courtyard. There has never been a hard and fast rule about who brings what, but common courtesy is you don’t show up empty handed.

A new family of five moved in about four months ago. They seemed nice enough and we invited them to join us. The father brought a pack of beer once or twice—but they always bring a horde of kids. Their children constantly have friends over and have outnumbered the adults more than once. Last time, I made two dozen cookies and the kids ate them all before I could blink.

I brought this to the attention of the mother and the fact none of us got a chance to get dessert. She laughed and joked about kids being hungry and then told me that next time I will know to make more. My other neighbors have had similar conversations with both parents. It’s like talking to a wall. We are debating what to do. Can you help?

Wedding Countdown Ticker
Report Reply to Post

Re: Tell them their family is no longer welcome to the food/drinks

  • Options
    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I'd straight up tell them they aren't welcome any longer. And I wouldn't even put it that they're only welcome if they bring food, because they sound like the kind of people that would show up with a can of fruit cocktail. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    If this is a neighborly relationship then be clear, "Oh I brought enough for the neighbors but not their additional guests." 

    This would be rigid but you could also send it via email if you want them to take responsibility here and create a list of who will be bringing which items.  Then sign up for what you're responsible for taking and nothing more.  

    You could say, "We noticed that every time you're out here you don't bring anything and you eat our food before we can," but be careful because you are literally sharing outside dwellings and a parking lot with them. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I realize it's awkward to tell them they can't come anymore.  But that's what needs to happen to turn this back into the pleasant environment it was.

    These are selfish people.  Maybe they can't afford to bring dishes and I could be sympathetic with that, but then they shouldn't be joining in.  It's astounding that not only the LW, but other neighbors have spoken to these people about the problem.  These parents have made it clear they don't care. 

    I would have responded to that woman's dessert comment with, "No! I do not need to make more. You need to stop your kids from taking everything, especially when you all aren't contributing anything."

    Another thought I had was one of the neighbors should keep the food and beverages brought for the get-together into their own apartment.  It's easier to control the family and their guests from taking things, when the door can be closed.  Though that would involve one of the neighbors with being willing to do that.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    short+sassy said:
    I realize it's awkward to tell them they can't come anymore.  But that's what needs to happen to turn this back into the pleasant environment it was.

    These are selfish people.  Maybe they can't afford to bring dishes and I could be sympathetic with that, but then they shouldn't be joining in.  It's astounding that not only the LW, but other neighbors have spoken to these people about the problem.  These parents have made it clear they don't care. 

    I would have responded to that woman's dessert comment with, "No! I do not need to make more. You need to stop your kids from taking everything, especially when you all aren't contributing anything."

    Another thought I had was one of the neighbors should keep the food and beverages brought for the get-together into their own apartment.  It's easier to control the family and their guests from taking things, when the door can be closed.  Though that would involve one of the neighbors with being willing to do that.
    The way I read this they aren't in their own places.  They are gathering in a community space in the apartment courtyard.    So the shame is that in order to keep things neighborly the neighbors do not get to join the outside.

    I understand what you're saying but when you're talking about behavior outside I think you have to be clear too.  Something like, "As a notice if you do not contribute to the gathering then you are not welcome to the food," could go a long way too.

    Report Reply
  • Options
    short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    banana468 said:
    short+sassy said:
    I realize it's awkward to tell them they can't come anymore.  But that's what needs to happen to turn this back into the pleasant environment it was.

    These are selfish people.  Maybe they can't afford to bring dishes and I could be sympathetic with that, but then they shouldn't be joining in.  It's astounding that not only the LW, but other neighbors have spoken to these people about the problem.  These parents have made it clear they don't care. 

    I would have responded to that woman's dessert comment with, "No! I do not need to make more. You need to stop your kids from taking everything, especially when you all aren't contributing anything."

    Another thought I had was one of the neighbors should keep the food and beverages brought for the get-together into their own apartment.  It's easier to control the family and their guests from taking things, when the door can be closed.  Though that would involve one of the neighbors with being willing to do that.
    The way I read this they aren't in their own places.  They are gathering in a community space in the apartment courtyard.    So the shame is that in order to keep things neighborly the neighbors do not get to join the outside.

    I understand what you're saying but when you're talking about behavior outside I think you have to be clear too.  Something like, "As a notice if you do not contribute to the gathering then you are not welcome to the food," could go a long way too.

    I read it the same way.  These events are outside in a community area but, because of that, it could make it hard to keep the kids from grabbing food.  Because they can't ban the family from the courtyard.

    I was picturing these gatherings would still be outside, but the food/drink would be set up on a neighbor's kitchen counter.  The door would be unlocked so the contributing neighbors could walk back and forth for the potluck.  The door is a barrier the neighbor can control, ie "you cannot enter my apartment".

    Since it's a small complex, I assume all the front doors open to the courtyard, so the apartment doors are only a few steps away.

    But that would be a potential Plan B, if Plan A doesn't work.  Plan A is telling the family they are not welcome to the food and drinks.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Can a written invite/notice go out and then it’s stated yet again what is expected?

    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards