Dear Prudence,
I’m still pretty close with my first ever boyfriend. We dated at around age 13, then got together again at 18, ending when I left the country. We maintained contact through friendly-yet-distant letters every couple of months. At this time, I begin having more relationships with women and presenting more masculine. After university, I moved back home and we kept being friends, meeting occasionally to go to a museum or restaurant and catch up, swap books, etc. It’s been a really pleasant and stable friendship, but in the last few months I’ve found myself developing feelings for him again. I like the person he has become, I like how our tastes and ideas mix, and I find myself wishing we could do more things together. He hasn’t indicated interest in dating me, and I haven’t even indicated much interest in men! We don’t talk about our past, or what feelings we have about each other beyond being pleased to have such a good relationship.
It seems like what I’m experiencing right now is just an infatuation, but it’s getting in the way of my having real romances right now—it’s hard for people you see constantly to compare with some guy you see occasionally only for good times, even before factoring in our history. I wish I could talk to him about this to give him a chance to react, or help choose what to do about it, but he has a girlfriend he seems serious about! It’d be a huge overstep, and unkind to her, even if it’s only to confirm he isn’t interested. All in all, I’m a bit frightened and confused. I don’t know whether to distance myself immediately (I don’t want to!) or write some sort of letter or call for a special meeting or what.
— Oh No, Am I Microdosing?