Wedding Woes

Wednesday

I've decided I'm just chilling in my office, doing my work, and if I do something wrong, they'll just have to tell me about it after the fact....since that's kinda what they do anyway.  I just tend to withdraw and isolate when something like this happens professionally.  I just want to do my job, do it well for my bosses, and the rest of it will just have to sort itself out.

Otherwise, SSDD.  I'm in the office today b/c I have some things happening I need to be here for.

Question, b/c there's lots of moms on here:

My friend T and his husband S, have 6 children.  It's 4 boys and 2 girls.  One of the girls is young enough to not be in school yet, so she stays at grandparents for babysitting and has a lot of female interaction.  The 8 year old only has a female teacher.  She has expressed annoyance to her dads about all of the boys and not very many women.  Said friend has asked if I will start....I guess just having a presence in her life, really.  We haven't worked out any details b/c I told him I would have to think about it.  I do want to say yes, I'm just worried about my follow through on things right now, it hasn't been the best and I don't want to make a commitment to an 8 year old and then renege.

Question is:  WTF do I do with an 8 year old?  I was an only child, so no nieces/nephews and I didn't have kids, so I'm rather at a loss.  I knew you ladies would know though.

Re: Wednesday

  • I have no idea what to do with an 8 year old @VarunaTT since I only have a 2.5yo but for what it’s worth I think you’re right about taking time for figure out if this is something you can and want to commit to. I think it’s better to say no than to say yes and not be able to do it. 

    That said if you do want to, that’s great! And you’ll learn what she’s into the more time you spend with her. But sounds like she’s looking for someone to talk to and be around- and that can be anything. Movies, lunch, hanging out!
  • edited February 2023
    @VarunaTT Asking what they're into ahead of time definitely helps

    Also what's in the area that's kid friendly that you're willing to do?
    If they're into more girlie stuff you could do some minor fun things - snacks, skincare, nails, with movies.
    That was me at 8yrs old though.
  • It's been a crazy time.

    M woke up with headache and since we had nothing, it quickly progressed to a migraine.
    I did BK drop off and ended up doing BK pick up and getting M advil because he was just not able to.

    Milestones they do not tell you about, when you're switching sections for clothes!
    Today is pink shirt day. BK has a bunch but she wanted to see if there was a "pink shirt with a dino on it - maybe trex" 
    Discovered that Walmart has more 4/5T as XS in the kid section. Damn, was not prepped lmao!
    We did not find a shirt like that but we did find a baby yoda shirt on clearance.
    I was ok with this because I think I tossed like 6 tshirts into donation recently?

    I'm already filling my cart for long sleeves because her 4t will not last - maybe a couple?

    Anyways lowkey evening.
    I've been doing various paperwork to ensure I get registered for stuff asap at work.
    M's new chair came in. By end of evening, advil helped enough that he could put the chair together.

    We've been discussing stuff around the house and when my loan is paid {another month!} we'll be getting this for our kitchen.
    We lack counter space so moving the microwave over would benefit so much.
    HOMCOM Modern Sideboard, Storage Cabinet, Glass Door Buffet Console Table, Cupboard with Adjustable Shelves for Kitchen & Living Room, Oak White : Amazon.ca: Home
  • VarunaTT said:
    I've decided I'm just chilling in my office, doing my work, and if I do something wrong, they'll just have to tell me about it after the fact....since that's kinda what they do anyway.  I just tend to withdraw and isolate when something like this happens professionally.  I just want to do my job, do it well for my bosses, and the rest of it will just have to sort itself out.

    Otherwise, SSDD.  I'm in the office today b/c I have some things happening I need to be here for.

    Question, b/c there's lots of moms on here:

    My friend T and his husband S, have 6 children.  It's 4 boys and 2 girls.  One of the girls is young enough to not be in school yet, so she stays at grandparents for babysitting and has a lot of female interaction.  The 8 year old only has a female teacher.  She has expressed annoyance to her dads about all of the boys and not very many women.  Said friend has asked if I will start....I guess just having a presence in her life, really.  We haven't worked out any details b/c I told him I would have to think about it.  I do want to say yes, I'm just worried about my follow through on things right now, it hasn't been the best and I don't want to make a commitment to an 8 year old and then renege.

    Question is:  WTF do I do with an 8 year old?  I was an only child, so no nieces/nephews and I didn't have kids, so I'm rather at a loss.  I knew you ladies would know though.
    Are they asking for a long term commitment? Because I think the sensible way to do this is just for them to invite you around the family? And if you like it, keep doing it. And once you get to k ow this girl, maybe you feel like doing something just with her. 
  • VarunaTT said:
    I've decided I'm just chilling in my office, doing my work, and if I do something wrong, they'll just have to tell me about it after the fact....since that's kinda what they do anyway.  I just tend to withdraw and isolate when something like this happens professionally.  I just want to do my job, do it well for my bosses, and the rest of it will just have to sort itself out.

    Otherwise, SSDD.  I'm in the office today b/c I have some things happening I need to be here for.

    Question, b/c there's lots of moms on here:

    My friend T and his husband S, have 6 children.  It's 4 boys and 2 girls.  One of the girls is young enough to not be in school yet, so she stays at grandparents for babysitting and has a lot of female interaction.  The 8 year old only has a female teacher.  She has expressed annoyance to her dads about all of the boys and not very many women.  Said friend has asked if I will start....I guess just having a presence in her life, really.  We haven't worked out any details b/c I told him I would have to think about it.  I do want to say yes, I'm just worried about my follow through on things right now, it hasn't been the best and I don't want to make a commitment to an 8 year old and then renege.

    Question is:  WTF do I do with an 8 year old?  I was an only child, so no nieces/nephews and I didn't have kids, so I'm rather at a loss.  I knew you ladies would know though.
    Are they asking for a long term commitment? Because I think the sensible way to do this is just for them to invite you around the family? And if you like it, keep doing it. And once you get to k ow this girl, maybe you feel like doing something just with her. 
    Ditto to start by what she's into.  

    She may want your presence for something as simple as a game of Uno.   At 8, the kids are often into games and that's an easy way to bond.  Stuff that's fast is often Uno with tons of styles and if they have a switch, go for Mario Kart. 


  • @STARMOON44 We haven't really discussed details and he isn't super sure about the details just yet.  T and I have been very close friends since college (so 20+ years) and I come over for dinner with the family at least once a month (sometimes more), so all the kids know me and I'm called Tia [my real name].  So, I think it's more of a "would you even be interested in this" and if yes, we figure out what "this" looks like together. 

    We did discuss that it's not as a maternal figure, just a woman in her life.  Additionlly, C (the child) is black and we discussed that (b/c I straight up said would a black woman be better for this).  T also knows that I don't consider myself very motherly and, with the conversation we have had, I suspect that's why I'm being asked.  It's about having an adult woman PoV around.
  • I think it’s an honor to be asked @VarunaTT, but det let them know about scheduling and stuff.  As far as what to do with them, I think every kid differs.  My neice is 8 and doesn’t really play games or draw, whereas her big sister always did that and liked it.  Maybe just sit and color with her. Don’t they do that in therapy sessions to get kids to open up? Do it while they’re doing something creative and calming?
    speaking of my 8 yr old niece @MissKittyDanger, BK sounds like mine! Maybe not color specific but she LOVES all her dinosaur shirts.  She over wears them if anything.

    i got some bad news.  My Dad was supposed to get shoulder rotator cuff surgery today but it’s canceled because last night he started to not feel well.  His chron’s (which has been under wraps for a good while) starter to flare up.  He’s in the hospital now, determining if he needs surgery or drugs for it :(
    i just really wanted him to get the other shoulder done with and out of the way in Winter so he’d be good for spring! Ugh. Anyway, fx for an easy fix please.

  • @CharmedPam that surgery isn't fun in general but yikes to crone's flair :( 
    It's hard to say if she's into dino's or it's influenced because her kinder class are the dinos.
    We do have a few dino shirts, but none pink. We did have a pink hoodie with dino spikes, so that sated her also lol
  • @CharmedPam - sorry about your Dad's medical issues.  
    @VarunaTT - I think a good start would be just hanging out with the family and then see if there is an interest to take it further.

    We are sitting in the calm between snow storms.  Received 5" overnight with another 7-14" expected by noon tomorrow. Also expecting high winds.  I'm WFH and DH is home so it's business as usual here.  I have a pork shoulder in the crock pot and we're good inside for the next few days.  Then it'll be time to break out the roof rake!

    image
  • @Charmed Pam, good luck to your dad.  Hopefully it's just a minor delay and he can get the surgery he needs soon.

    So tough to be at work today because I LOVED my 4 days off.  I like traveling, but sometimes it's so nice to have a chunk of time to just hang out at home.

    On Monday, I got my lab work done for the doctor's appointment I have this Friday.  While I was in the suburbs, I visited my first Aldi's.  I know it's a big grocery store chain in other parts of the country, but it isn't where I live and this one just opened a few weeks ago.  I've heard people online raving about Aldi's for years and wanted to see what all the hubbub was about, lol.  I was impressed!  It really does have surprisingly good prices on many things but what I wasn't expecting is a lot of things that aren't sold in other grocery stores.

    I left with quite a haul of food items I want to try, plus food I regularly buy but was cheaper there.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'm not a parent, but I do hang out with my 6 and 9 y/o niblings. Most of the time we just hang out at a park and goof around, but they like to go to the museum, movies, or any kind of playground type thing. I've found that kids at that age will relax with you a little more when they're doing something more physical. 

    Nothing much going on for me today. It's 70 and sunny and all I want to do is not work. I might take my laptop out and work on the deck later. 
  • I’m so sorry @CharmedPam. All the good thoughts that he doesn’t need surgery!
  • We’re awaiting a big ice and snow storm this afternoon/evening. I WFH because I’m just over commuting in that. I love snow but I’m over this garbage. 

    We’re super busy at work. I say yes to too many things and it’s coming back to bite me in the ass. 
  • Good morning.  

    @VarunaTT,  I think this situation is so sweet and it's heartening to see y'all trying to work together for her sake.  I'd ask your friends a) what they're thinking commitment-wise and b) if you're interested and their idea/plan works for you, I'd ask initially what she's interested in, but honestly, I'd let the situation be 'child-led' and just get to know her through talking to her and observing her as you interact with her.  

    It's rainy and gloomy here today.  Work is SSDD.  I cannot keep my eyes open.  Soo sleepy. 
  • @CharmedPam sending good thoughts for your dad. 

    Not much going on here. We're getting some kind of rain/snow mix at some point today. Very happy I have brand new tires. 
  • @CharmedPam vibes to your dad!
    Wishing safety / safe travels to anyone with tough weather on the way
    @VarunaTT my girls are 7 and 8 and into really different things, if you and your friends can decide on a schedule that would work/if it would work, I'd probably lead with asking her about the fun parts of her school day.  Who she sits with at lunch, was it an indoor or outdoor day for recess, what special did she have, etc if you'll see her on a weekday, and if a weekend maybe ask to see her favorite part of her bedroom or her latest drawing/piece of art?  Something along those lines?  They're like adults they love talking about themselves lol.  The plan sounds really nice, you were smart to draw the boundary that it's a woman role, not a motherly one.  I sometimes wish that my son had a wonderful male presence in his life (besides my dad).

    Happy Ash Wednesday.  I'm famished. We have freezing rain now but after mass there was a 2-hour window of, not quite sun but bright cloudiness?  We ran to the beach for some vitamin sea.  It was so gray that it was hard to see where the water ended and the sky began, but the sound and smell of the ocean is always restorative.  About to make dinner and then counseling this evening.

  • @ei34, Lent is when my area gets bombarded with seafood specials and fish sandwich advertisements, lol.

    Emails and commercials already from McDonald's, Rally's/Checkers, and Popeyes for their fish sandwiches:  To all of them:  Fish sandwiches are not your forte.  Stay in your lane.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • We’re awaiting a big ice and snow storm this afternoon/evening. I WFH because I’m just over commuting in that. I love snow but I’m over this garbage. 

    We’re super busy at work. I say yes to too many things and it’s coming back to bite me in the ass. 
    Sounds like we're getting same system.

    As someone who use to public transit - it's shitty commuting in it, but driving is a far cry better than waiting on bus etc.
    Shitty weather driving - 45mins to get home
    Shitty weather busing - 1.5 - 2hrs to get home.

    I was excited when we had false spring. I'm so over winter
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