Wedding Woes

I think you're treading on rocky ground.

Dear Prudence,

I recently went through a rough breakup with my on-and-off-again ex. Recently, my ex experienced a traumatic accident at work that left him paralyzed from the waist down. I would often travel two hours away, where he lived and was seeking recovery in the hospital, to support him. This sometimes consisted of staying at his rental home which he shares with his twin brother. His twin brother and I had established a routine of living together when I would stay over the weekends. Often sharing responsibilities at the house and even visiting his brother, my ex, in the hospital together. We even shared past experiences with our own mental health struggles with one another.

When my ex broke it off again, I was not only devastated because I lost a boyfriend but because I felt like I lost the friendship with his brother. After some discussion, his twin brother and I decided to stay friends. To my knowledge, my ex does not know that I have remained friends with his twin brother. The twin brother and I will message each other occasionally, make plans to hang out, and I have even spent nights at the house again. In fact, we plan on getting matching tattoos. At times, I feel guilty for continuing this friendship, but I do believe that I have a right to continue it and be happy. I am worried in regards to the twin brother filling a void that his brother, my ex, left when he ended the relationship. But I do recognize that even though they are twins they are very different people.

Recently, I have been confused about the feelings that I have for the twin brother, do I like him as a friend or more? I am not sure. What do I do Prudence? Am I wrong to be friends with my ex’s twin brother? How do I know if I have feelings for the twin brother or just missing my ex?

—Confused

Re: I think you're treading on rocky ground.

  • banana468 said:
    LW, you need to seek a real therapist.  There's so much to unpack here that a columnist can anwer. 
    Yup. Ditto this 100%. Yikes. 
  • This is stupid. You end a dramatic on and off relationship and now you want to fuck his twin. That’s messed up. You should block his number and never see either of them again but you Obvi love drama so you won’t. 
  • I don’t think Prudie can tell you if you like said brother or not…
    but ir you did, I see nothing wrong with it?

  • This reminds me of a teacher I had in high school. Her husband cheated on her with her twin sister. A little different but same ick factor. LW needs a lot of therapy, for multiple reasons. 


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  • This is stupid. You end a dramatic on and off relationship and now you want to fuck his twin. That’s messed up. You should block his number and never see either of them again but you Obvi love drama so you won’t. 
    It seems like she wants to throw the ex under the bus in front of his brother so....let's go from being abused to using the brother in their shared domicile?? 
  • I was cool with them being casual friends, until the end of the letter when matching tattoos and "maybe he's more" came up.  Oooohhhh nooooo, LW.  No.

    This is a disaster for everyone involved.  But especially the brothers, because they could end up in an unrepairable relationship.  And one of them just went through a traumatic experience.  

    The LW supposedly cares about both of these people, so she needs to leave them alone and move on.
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  • I dunno I just go back to my bff who’s sister was dating a guy, broke up with him, her sister dated and married him and everyone’s ok with it… so it can happen…

  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited March 2023
    Well trauma-bonding is a thing and it sounds like that could be the case.  I think counseling could help LW sort out their feelings.  I'm not saying it can't work out, but I don't think it will be a healthy, productive relationship without both of them working on themselves and separating their feelings about brother/ex, his accident, how LW was treated, maybe how he treated his twin, and having to be his caretakers; and how they truly feel for one another as people.  

    It does stink of 4 men in the world a little bit.  I personally think LW should just leave this whole situation behind and find something less complicated and entangled. 
  • I really thought this was going to be the ex posing as the twin to try and get back with LW or have one last bang or something.

    Anyway, I'm team other fish in the sea. There's just way too much room for drama and complications, and LW doesn't seem to even have any indication that the twin is interested. 
  • I dunno I just go back to my bff who’s sister was dating a guy, broke up with him, her sister dated and married him and everyone’s ok with it… so it can happen…
    But you could be in my IL's family where DH's uncle is married to his brother's exwi and while there was no overlap at all there are some family members who have very strong feelings. 
  • It may be a moot point. Does she know he likes her back? Just because one person likes someone, that doesn’t always = a relationship. 

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