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Wear the suit.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I’ve been invited to a family wedding this summer: so far, so good. It has a clear dress code: yay! But here’s where the problem comes in: “For gentlemen, this means suits. For ladies, that means nice cocktail dresses.” Prudie, I am a gender nonconforming queer woman and my knee-jerk reaction is damned if I’m buying a cocktail dress so as not to shock the bride’s bejeweled aunt or whoever. Part of me even derives a little thrill from the idea of shocking the stuffy rich conservatives (this is an area with, uh, a lot of them.) But it’s a dress code. If I have a nice suit picked out, am I still a jerk for wearing it?

—Breaking the Rules (And the Gender Binary)

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Re: Wear the suit.

  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Wear the suit. 

    But I also agree with @VarunaTT that this dress code stuff is obnoxious and I’d be inclined not to go. But definitely wear the suit. 
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Absolutely wear the suit. 

    Truly shocked people still try to dictate dress codes like this. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I loathe dress codes like this and FWIW, I've never seen one where the hosts did their "duty" that was tied to it.  One wedding we went to requested cocktail attire and we were in a glorified cafeteria for a buffet wedding of tin can penne marinara chicken and rolls.  It wasn't a bad dinner but not "cocktail".

    OP, if you're going wear the suit.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I am also assuming that the couple did not try to create some dress code specifically geared towards the LW and instead they're just all about their "vision". 
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    What decade is this couple living in? Even if LW wasn't gender nonconforming and queer, there's nothing wrong with a woman wearing a suit or another nice outfit with pants to a wedding.

    Wearing a suit respects the (supposed) formality of the event while also being true to herself, so I think that's what LW should do.
    image
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    A suit is obviously in the spirit for the level of formality that the couple is going for, since that is what men can wear (eyeroll).  But this is also a good example of why unnecessary dress codes are so rude.  Lots of women prefer to wear pants and that can be just as "dressed up" of a look.

    When I got married, I only had a MOH (my sister).  I know my sister doesn't like to wear dresses.  I told her the wedding colors were red and white.  I acknowledged she doesn't like dresses and said she could wear any red dress she wanted or, if she preferred, she could wear slacks with a dressier red top.
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I detest any kind of wedding dress code unless truly black tie. We are invited to wedding this summer where the dress code is listed as formal. I asked the bride's mother if a long dress is necessary (the wedding is in Europe - a whole other story). She said no that cocktail dresses are fine. She didn't even know that the formal thing was on the website.
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    ILoveBeachMusic said:
    I detest any kind of wedding dress code unless truly black tie. We are invited to wedding this summer where the dress code is listed as formal. I asked the bride's mother if a long dress is necessary (the wedding is in Europe - a whole other story). She said no that cocktail dresses are fine. She didn't even know that the formal thing was on the website.
    "Formal" is so vague. You could read 5 different articles about wedding dress codes and get 5 different definitions of "formal." The last wedding I went to where that was listed as the dress code, I saw everything from summery maxi dresses to cocktail dresses to fancy evening gowns. 
    image
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