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His 'plan' is ridic. Tell the bride.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

My husband “Shane” (28M) and I (29F) have been together for 11 years, married for four. We have lived in different states due to our jobs for all four years. We realized that our marriage wasn’t working and decided to separate amicably. Our friend, “Erin”, is getting married seven months from now, and we are both in the wedding party. The problem? Erin is already very stressed about the wedding planning and Shane doesn’t want to add to her stress by announcing our divorce. He says he wants to keep it a secret until after the wedding, potentially longer so he won’t have to answer any invasive questions from family members. I completely disagree. While I understand his sentiment (Shane has been friends with Erin for much longer than I have), am I in the wrong for thinking it is ridiculous to keep this a secret for so long?

—’Till Divorce Do Us Part

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Re: His 'plan' is ridic. Tell the bride.

  • banana468banana468 member
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    I do not understand why you would want to keep this for SEVEN MONTHS.  Makes me think this isn't as amicable as you think it is. 
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    “Shame, I’m not doing this. I’m telling Erin and anyone else I want to know.”
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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    What a ridiculous suggestion on his part. Absolutely just stupid.  Erin can do whatever TF she wants and so can you LW.  You and Shane don't make joint decisions about behavior anymore, so tell him to stuff it.
    �
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    He's a moron. And it seems like he's probably overestimating how big a deal this will be to others. It's an amicable and not acrimonious divorce. What's the issue? 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    I could understand Shane's POV if the wedding was like a month away.  But 7 months is way too long to expect the LW to not say anything.  If it were me, I would want the emotional support of my friends and family and keeping this major news a secret for all that time would really stress me out.

    Heck, in some states, they could already be divorced in 7 months.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    This is the dumbest reasoning I've ever heard for not telling someone you're divorced/divorcing.  This has nothing to do with Erin's wedding which is 7 months away. 

    If LW and Shane decided to divorce and the wedding was this weekend, I can see choosing to sit on it.  But this timeline is just non-sensical.  It makes me wonder if there's something going on between Shane and Erin.  
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    WTF? Why would Erin be so devastated that her friends told her that they're getting divorced 7 months before her own wedding?
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    SEVEN MONTHS. 

    No. This has something to do with anything but the wedding. Is Shane not wanting to divorce? Did he do something and he doesn’t want to hear about it from his family? Whatever it is, it’s time. Tell him you’re not keeping a secret and tell you want when you want. 
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  • ei34ei34 member
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    I get the urge to not want to scream from the rooftops that you’re going through a divorce (the explaining is beyond draining) but it’s also not a big taboo secret. And the wedding is in seven months, which is more than half a year away. I could see Shane’s point if the wedding was in seven days, but this is silly.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    I'm also stuck on the friends/family piece. Erin is a mutual friend, but his biggest objection is not wanting family to know. I suppose Erin could be originally a family friend and all his family will be there; I'm thinking he's just throwing Erin out there but he really just doesn't want to tell his family. 
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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    I went and re-read it and I missed the "potentially longer" part b/c he doesn't want to deal with invasive questions from family members.  Well, that's simply no longer LW's problem and LW?  You get to enjoy that you no longer have to take care of "Shane".  B/c this sounds beyond exhausting.
    �
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    There’s SO much time inbetween now and the wedding.  It’ll be old news by then. Both can go, and act civil in the party. 

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