Dear Prudence,
I was born from an affair. My father chose to stay with his wife and his presence in my life was minimal. I only ever saw my half siblings at our grandparents’. I was sort of close to my younger brother, but my older siblings made it crystal clear that they resented me and blamed me, especially when their parents divorced. As an adult, I have chosen to keep my distance from my siblings. I haven’t spoken to two of them in years.
Now, I am getting married. It will be overseas. I offered to pay for my grandparents to attend. It’s not going how I’d expected…
I didn’t invite anyone else from that side of the family. The last time I texted my father to wish him a happy birthday, he never responded. I am very surprised that anyone else would care, but apparently not inviting my siblings or my father sent shockwaves of hurt through my family. My grandparents are putting pressure on me to invite (and pay for) everyone else. My younger brother actually called me and acted confused about why I was cutting off my family like this. I asked “what family?” We didn’t grow up together. Our father treated me like the family embarrassment and our siblings were shitty to me our entire childhood. He canceled on me the last two times I tried to visit him. Again, what family?
He made excuses and said it was a chance to reconnect. I told him I was marrying the love of my life and only wanted people who loved me there. That list is limited to our grandparents. My grandparents are threatening not to come now and the thought kills me. What are my options?
—Marrying Overseas