Dear Prudence,
About six months ago, my girlfriend’s cat escaped and ran away. It’s been missing ever since. Three weeks ago, she “found” him on a social media post about a stray cat, went and got him, and is ridiculously happy to have him back. She blamed herself for him getting out and had terrible intrusive thoughts about the awful things that could have happened to him. So getting him back unharmed has done amazing things for her well-being.
The thing is it’s not the same cat. It looks like him, a big tuxedo tom, but I’m 98 percent positive it’s not. Some of the differences could be put down to trauma—he doesn’t seem to recognize her, isn’t potty trained anymore, and has a completely different reaction to catnip, so I tried to let it go. Then I was trying to groom him the other night and he doesn’t have the same scar he used to on his belly. There’s a chance I missed it, he wasn’t exactly enjoying getting the mats clipped out, but… Do I tell her? I feel like I should, but at the same time, I don’t know what it would accomplish except to plunge her back into depression. There’s a stray cat that’s got a new home where he’ll be loved, under a new name (and he’s a nice cat! Seems a bit confused, but does enjoy indoor life). My girlfriend is happy. I’m fairly sure her old cat is dead, he was an indoor cat his whole life. And it’s not like I can prove he’s not her cat. There’s no DNA test to be done. At the same time, I’ve always thought it was awful to lie to your significant other. Especially when it’s about something that sounds selfless but will improve your life since my girlfriend isn’t depressed anymore and we don’t have to search for cats.
—It’s a Cat