Maid of Honor/Bridesmaid issues

LaurenF88 · May 2012

I recently got engaged to my boyfriend of five years. I have a group of close friends who I am equally close to so I let them know about the engagement in a group text. One of the girls was upset that I did not let her know first and let the other girls know that she should have been called before any of them knew. (keep in mind, this text was just to let them know I was engaged, not to ask them to be bridesmaids yet, as we did not have a date set). When she called me later that night, she stated that "she had already told me she would not throw my bachelorette party if she was not my MOH," and that " it is a big responsibility for a 'regular' bridesmaid to do, so she would not help at all if she was not the MOH." She then asked me who would be in the wedding and other wedding details that had not be disscussed yet. She said all this without ever congradulating me. I know that this friend is important to me and will be in the wedding party, but I just do not think this situation sits right with me. She has continued to discuss who could be the MOH with the other girls and has not said anything else about the wedding plans to me since. The other girls have expressed that they figured she would act out about this since she is not getting dating anyone/getting married herself, but did not think she would practically guilt me into choosing her to be the MOH. Should I just not have a MOH since all of us are close, or should I choose someone and hope no one flips out?

Girlie1030 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honorbridesmaid-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:52ba60fd-c174-475f-a874-4115c721bd13Post:1c486d89-c441-499b-991b-4576e7620bd3">Maid of Honor/Bridesmaid issues</a>:
[QUOTE]I recently got engaged to my boyfriend of five years. I have a group of close friends who I am equally close to so I let them know about the engagement in a group text. One of the girls was upset that I did not let her know first and let the other girls know that she should have been called before any of them knew. (keep in mind, this text was just to let them know I was engaged, not to ask them to be bridesmaids yet, as we did not have a date set). When she called me later that night, she stated that "she had already told me she would not throw my bachelorette party if she was not my MOH," and that " it is a big responsibility for a 'regular' bridesmaid to do, so she would not help at all if she was not the MOH." She then asked me who would be in the wedding and other wedding details that had not be disscussed yet. She said all this without ever congradulating me. I know that this friend is important to me and will be in the wedding party, but I just do not think this situation sits right with me. She has continued to discuss who could be the MOH with the other girls and has not said anything else about the wedding plans to me since. The other girls have expressed that they figured she would act out about this <strong>since she is not getting dating anyone/getting married herself</strong>, but did not think she would practically guilt me into choosing her to be the MOH. Should I just not have a MOH since all of us are close, or should I choose someone and hope no one flips out?
Posted by LaurenF88[/QUOTE]

She's being very childish and rude but what does her being single have to do with anything?

I didn't vote because I didn't like the options. You choose your bridal party and your MOH (or MsOH if you want) based on who's nearest and dearest to you. If you choose someone other than this girl and she pitches a fit, that's her problem.

Maggie0829 · May 2012

You need to pick who is closest and most special to you. Do not let this girl or any of your friends influence who you pick. But if making one person the MOH would cause major drama and if you find it hard to pick one out of all your friends your best bet is to just not have one. This way every girl is "equal" in standing and there won't be any hurt feelings.

Honestly, if this girl is already acting the way she is and no one has been picked yet, I would seriously consider whether or not I want her in my wedding. She seems like she would be a handful.

megsch88 · May 2012

IMO, it's ultimately your decision who you want as a MOH. However, none of this stuff is ever worth the drama. You don't need that stress with so many other things to worry about. My vote goes towards no MOH. If you do have some as it but not others they may get offended. If you do none, you are not placing a better title on someone. And I would just explain to them that they are all important to you and you couldn't chose between them.

mcskatcat · May 2012

Who would you choose regardless of her behavior? Before she started acting this way, was she ever someone you would have considered being MOH? Don't let someone guilt you into choosing her as MOH. If she is your best friend and who you want, then that's fine by all means, but otherwise it's your WP - not hers.

TiffannieF · May 2012

If you let her "guilt" you into her being the MOH what else is she going to guilt you into? That's kind of being a pushover. Do not allow this if you don't want her to be a MOH. If you want her to then go ahead and ask her.

If you have "equal" friends I say don't have a MOH and if she doesn't throw you a B-party then so be it...someone shouldn't have any 'conditions' on whether or not they throw a party in honor for somebody (other than being good friends).

Try hanging out with this friend with out talking about the wedding. If she brings it up just change the subject. Friend: So have you picked a MOH? You: Hey have you seen Avengers? Maybe we should go see it, I really want to see it.

Remember, your friendship was not built on the condition that she would be your MOH, she needs to realize this.

Good luck!!

mbcdefg · May 2012

Put this on hold a while. You JUST got engaged. Now is absolutely not the time to think about your bridal party. Enjoy the engagement. Talk to your fianc about a budget and what kind of wedding you both want. Visit some venues and get ideas. Book your location and set a date. THEN you can start thinking of bridesmaids. When that time comes, choose your absolute closest friend as MOH. If you have no best friend or too many best friends, then don't have a MOH. Do not do a single thing based on how you think this psycho might react. Don't make your plans on what's "fair" to her or anyone else. Your true friends and mature adults will be happy for you as long as you are bring kind to people and making wise choices in life. If this one girl chooses to make it into an issue or make it all about her if she doesn't get what she wants, then that is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. She can deal with it and be happy for/with you, of she can be a lunatic and pout or make demands and be a miserable weirdo. It's totally her call. Your job is to live your own life.

RebeccaB88 · May 2012

This girl is acting like a spoiled rotten brat, and I'm really not sure why you'd want her around at all.

It's YOUR wedding party. Choose who you want, not what anyone else wants. This chick sounds like she would cause you nothing but drama if you inlcuded her in anything.

LaurenF88 · May 2012

Thanks for all of y'alls advice! I think it will be best if I just do not have a MOH and give everyone their own special thing to do for that day instead.

megangaydos27 · May 2012

Honestly, I wouldn't let this girl guilt you into not having a moh if that is what you truly want. It is your wedding day and you get to choose who you want to stand up there with you. Bottome line, do what is best for you and what makes you happy, not her.

Miss_2010 · May 2012

Bottom line is, somebody has to sign the reigster which is going to be 1 girl and 1 guy...ultimately they are the MOH and the best man...even if those titles are not stated in your wedding program.

LizzyRB · May 2012

I have a group of close girlfriends. I asked these 4 to be my BMs and I chose to NOT have a MOH. We are all so close that I don't feel like I need to single any one out as special. Two of them are going to throw the bach party and two of them are going to throw a shower. I actually think if works out great for them because not one person is stuck with all the planning/expense.

I had one friend that I think expected to be MOH and was a bit disappointed at first when she wasn't (but no one is). A day later she called me and told me how excited she was to a BM.

I don't understand why this girl is so upset, it's an honor to stand by your side in any role.

KT020803 · May 2012

I would choose someone else. Mainly becasuse if you don't have one at all she will still jump on her power trip and she sounds extremly self-centered to be that upset on if she will receive the MOH title or not. I would also wait until you have officially set a date and are about 6 months away from the wedding. Friendships change and you don't want someone that will be more involved in how she looks and can take the credit at your wedding instead of being by your side as a friend.

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