Wedding Party

Is there such a thing as a good rant?

Because I have one!

My daughter took 5 of her bridesmaids to select dresses today.  The goal was to find any short black dress --  4 out of 5 girls found something within 1/2 an hour.  The fifth girl found nothing to her liking and asked if she could look around at the mall at stores at large.  This obviously took my daughter aback a bit.  She discussed it a bit with the other girls (on the side) to vent frustration.  A compromise was reached that they would go on Tuesday, and if nothing could be found, BM#5 would make a selection from the original shop, as planned.

Then, upon discussing shoes, BM#5 declared that she would not wear any leather or other animal product.  Now, this is the ONE area my daughter has stated from the start that she would like all the girls to wear identical pink shoes.  The girls all discussed the problems - together - and civily - and again came up with a compromise.  BM#5 would research vegetarian friendly pink shoes and come up with some prices and selections.  If the prices and/or selections are not what the other girls can afford, then BM#5 (and this was her idea) will "bite the bullet",  purchase non-vegetarian friendly shoes, wear them solely for the church and pictures....and then pass them on to her sister.

In my mind, this is what a bridal party is all about----friends who care more about each other.....and their relationships.....and the bigger picture.....than any attire.  It isn't even about making the bride happy......it's about consideration and respect for everyone concerned!

Re: Is there such a thing as a good rant?

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2010
    This bride is being ridiculous.  

    If the goal is any short black dress, it makes absolutely no sense to insist that they all shop together or that the dress be purchased for a specific store.  The mall (not a bridal shop) is probably the best place to find this sort of dress.

    And further, expecting her to ignore her morals and wear a leather product is just horrible.  I can't imagine insisting that my vegan friend eat meat.  This is exactly the same thing.  If she has a problem with wearing leather, no good friend would try to make her.

    You are right, the WP is about honoring friendships and being with friends.  Asking a close friend to ignore her morals for the sake of an article of clothing is not how anyone should behave.  
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_there-such-thing-good-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:19d24717-d6d2-45f2-a79f-7679f76eea0dPost:ee8869e0-1b65-44c2-875e-852653ab673e">Is there such a thing as a good rant?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Because I have one! My daughter took 5 of her bridesmaids to select dresses today.  The goal was to find any short black dress --  4 out of 5 girls found something within 1/2 an hour.  The fifth girl found nothing to her liking and asked if she could look around at the mall at stores at large.  This obviously took my daughter aback a bit.  She discussed it a bit with the other girls (on the side) to vent frustration.  A compromise was reached that they would go on Tuesday, and if nothing could be found, BM#5 would make a selection from the original shop, as planned. Then, upon discussing shoes, BM#5 declared that she would not wear any leather or other animal product.  Now, this is the ONE area my daughter has stated from the start that she would like all the girls to wear identical pink shoes.  The girls all discussed the problems - together - and civily - and again came up with a compromise.  BM#5 would research vegetarian friendly pink shoes and come up with some prices and selections.  If the prices and/or selections are not what the other girls can afford, then BM#5 (and this was her idea) will "bite the bullet",  purchase non-vegetarian friendly shoes, wear them solely for the church and pictures....and then pass them on to her sister. In my mind, this is what a bridal party is all about----friends who care more about each other.....and their relationships.....and the bigger picture.....than any attire.  It isn't even about making the bride happy......it's about consideration and respect for everyone concerned!
    Posted by mobkaz[/QUOTE]
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_there-such-thing-good-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:19d24717-d6d2-45f2-a79f-7679f76eea0dPost:ee8869e0-1b65-44c2-875e-852653ab673e">Is there such a thing as a good rant?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In my mind, this is what a bridal party is all about----friends who care more about each other.....and their relationships.....and the bigger picture.....than any attire.  It isn't even about making the bride happy......it's about consideration and respect for everyone concerned!
    Posted by mobkaz[/QUOTE]

    When I got married a few months ago, I had the same idea that I would rather people be happy.  All the girls picked our their own dresses in the same color (they were even different fabrics, but I didn't care) and wore whatever shoes made them comfortable.  I'd never make any of them buy shoes that they'll never wear again (not everyone likes pink shoes) - and its horrible that the bride would even think to persuade her FRIEND to wear shoes that go against her morals.   She should have never even tried.....I'd put money on it that BM#5 is upset about it
  • OP, I think it would be worth it to suggest to your daughter that she let her BM finish picking out their dresses on their own and ditch the idea of identical pink shoes. It's difficult to get 5 people to decide on one thing that is comfortable for everyone. Shoes especially. As a person with Flintstone feet, I probably couldn't wear the same shoes that 4 other girls wear comfortably, especially if I felt a moral duty to stay leather and animal product free. Although the women of our WP did choose to wear the same black dress, they wore different shoes and I doubt anyone cared or noticed (most especially me)! I would be happy to send you some photos of our WP if you need an example. Being in a WP isn't about the clothes, it is about the friendship. You're right. So in this case, avoid the drama and don't keep the WP on such short leashes. Definitely consider suggesting to your daughter that she have them to pick what they're most comfortable with.
    image
    It's a girl!
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • If the goal was to find any short black dress, then why do they have to get the dress at the same store?  Different people have different bodies, and clothing lines may fit differently on each person.  As long as the dress is within the parameters set forth in the first place, why can't BM #5 find a dress somewhere else that she prefers?

    And on the shoes. 

    Firstly, shoes are personal and individual.  Beyond dictating a color, they shouldn't all be expected to wear the same shoe.  I have flat feet and weak ankles, so I'm very particular about shoe styles, so chances are I could never wear a shoe that is one-size-fits-all.  Others have different concerns and requirements regarding fit. 

    Secondly, even if you don't share BM #5's beliefs regarding animal products, it's disrespectful to expect her to go against her beliefs for the sake of your daughter's wedding.  It's like me demanding that my brother with religious restrictions on diet eat pork for my wedding, something along those lines.  Let her find shoes that are pink and vegan, and don't try to force everyone into the same shoe.  I did a quick search online out of curiosity, and they do make pink, vegan dress shoes, though not the easiest thing to find.
  • Ditto ecsmiles and Licia

  • It sounds like BM #5 is the only one who is compromising.
    It's unreasonable of the bride to ask her friend to put aside her moral / lifestyle choices for her wedding. The vegetarian bm should not be expected to purchase, wear or consume animal products.
    In addition, there is  the comfort factor. What are the chances of finding one pair of shoes that are comfortable and affordable for all? Good luck with that.


                       
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_there-such-thing-good-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:19d24717-d6d2-45f2-a79f-7679f76eea0dPost:dbb8b30b-12a7-4c1f-ac19-3b699ce2dfdf">Re: Is there such a thing as a good rant?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Whoa!  Wow.  Clearly, experiences do not translate well in written communication. No earth shattering morals were being compromised.  No person was being burned at the stake.  There was no disrespecting, nor demanding, no rants or raves, no hysteria. The girls mutually made the choice to shop together at one store for the fun of doing something together, and for expediting their time, as they are all busy with their own lives. Each and every one of the girls in this wedding party have said, with no coersion, that this is the day of the bride, and as such, knowingly and willingly may or may not do some things that are contrary to their routine or habit.  These girls are all strong, independent, vocal individuals.  None of the girls in this WP have the attitude of "our only obligation is to show up the day of the wedding", that seems to permeate most of these boards.  These girls are all lifelong friends who are eager, willing and happy to participate in a significant event in the life of their friend.  I <strong>only meant to attempt to highlight that my daughter and her friends can celebrate this event without drama, tears, backstabbing or hysteria.</strong>  From what I read on most of these boards, most people regret or dread the people in their wedding party. I merely meant to point out that there are wedding parties in which the participants actually care about each other.  Lesson learned.
    Posted by mobkaz[/QUOTE]

    <div>Uh, you were complaining about what a pill BM #5 was being for wanting to shop at a mall and wanting to avoid leather.  This is titled as a rant, afterall.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Maybe you need to stay out of this, and let these people handle their own affairs.  If they are so happy, then why you are just creating drama for the sake of drama? </div>
  • Hmmmm....can't find the word "complain" nor "pill" in my original post. No judgment was made about shopping at the mall;  it was merely stated as the request/suggestion offered by BM#5.

    The point, although not made clear enough for your mindset, was that these girls in fact, did handle their own affairs.  They not only parted happily, they did so after enjoying a lengthy and leisurely lunch together.

    Simmer.
  • There are many BM's out there that are actually like that.  They tell the bride "we'll do what you want since it's your day."  But the fact is that they are doing it out of the kindness of their heart and out of the love/respect for the bride and/or groom.  The reason we say the only requirement is that they get the dress and show up is because that actually IS the only requirement.  Brides shouldn't expect anything more than that, and they won't be disappointed.  But the truth is there are many brides who have no drama with BM's at all.  I was one of them.
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
  • I still think the bride is unreasonable, but I think any bride who demands matching shoes is unreasonable.  I also think matching LBD's are unnecessary. 

    BM#5 is the only one I see doing any compromising.
    Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
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    "If you can't think of something nice to say, don't say something nice" - Stephen Colbert
  • I would think that a good friend wouldn't ask another good friend to violate her ethics, especially when those ethics are well-known, regardless of situation.  It's really sad that some people think that being a bride makes doing something like that appropriate.  Were I BM#5, I'd be telling the bride exactly where she could stick her matching shoes.  It's just unbelievably insulting.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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