Your Grooms???

pisha82 · July 2012

So how involved are your grooms? Do they help you plan? So they go with you to meet vendors? What does he want in the wedding? Does he even have an opinion? How much do your guys do? I just want to know if I am alone here, my FI doesnt do much. He has said thre are certian things he wants, and bc its our wedding he gets the two things he told me he wanted, but he doesnt do anything to actually get them. He wanted a certian Church, he didnt call, I did. He didnt call to get his paperwork for the Church I did. He went to see two venues with me. I went on my own without him to see a lot of them, he told me to bring him to the few I liked the best. And I had to force that out of him. He didnt even go registar with me before our engagement party. I dont really care honestly we kinda have our things we both do and this would come under me anyway. He doesnt ever help me prepare when we do have a party so I didnt expect him to really do much, but I hear all these girls here talk about what their FI does and hear friends of mine talk about all the things there Fi's do and I was wondering am I the only one whos FI doesnt really help?

zizibet · July 2012

It depends. My FI is involved in things he is interested in-the venue, the food, the cake and the music. Other aspects, not so much. Flowers and attire, I don't expect any help. there. Also, though my FI is interested and has opinions, I'm the one who does the research.

Shifsgirl · July 2012

My FI is involved to the max! He lets me make a lot of decisions when it comes down to things I really love, but he makes sure he gives his opinions and ideas (which I love). We looked at venues together and decided on the one hands down! Thecolors we have changed at least 4 times and he has been cool, up until this last change, but after seeing how excited I was to take out fuschia and add violet, he said it's fine baby! He will have the most imput about food (as does any other male going through this process, lol). We chose our videographer together with no problem, the photographer, the cake design, wp and their attire and now on center pieces. So we have had pretty smooth sailing. There are some men, that just want to show up and say I do, a lot of men actually, so don't feel bad. Some of us just have opinionated grroms which can be a blessing and a curse! LOL

Let me add in that my mom has been a wedding planner for as long as I can remember. So my husband and I use to help her a lot during our high school years with decorating and operating a wedding and all the craziness that can come with it, so he already knows what to expect!

TheBaney · July 2012

I've been joking with my groom that he's a groomzilla. He's got this idea of having a fancy wedding, in fact, when I asked him what he wanted our wedding to look like, he said "Fancy." Lol.

He said no to the song I wanted to walk down the aisle to (Sea of Love by Cat Power), he said no to the reading that I wanted for my nieces and nephews (I like you by Sandol Stoddard), he doesn't like any of the people that I suggest as an officiant, all because it's not, like, fancy enough.

I can hardly wait until we start looking at bouts, lol.

sarahdactyI · July 2012

Bahahaha. Groomzillas.

My FI has made it clear that he wants to be involved - but he's been very go-with-the flow. That's just his personality, he's very clearly the "Keeper of the Peace" in his family so it doesn't surprise me that he's been pretty easygoing with the wedding thus far.

We weren't sure at first if we were going to do a Catholic ceremony, and I see now that he was really giving up a lot when he said that it was OK with him not to have one. I'm glad I was able to get him to start opening up!

I really hate when brides get obsessed with it being "their day." It is you and your FI's day (that you are sharing with all of your guests). So I told him I may need him to keep me in check so that we don't lose sight of the marriage while planning the wedding.

Basically right now he looks at pictures and says "Ooh pretty whatever you want!!" It bugged me that he wasn't giving me much input so finally I showed him this wedding with my school colors (we went to rival undergrads) and he was like no no... then I showed him an ALL PINK wedding and he was like OKAY I GET IT.

Since then he's given a lot more input.

He definitely wants to participate in the food selection. I am sure he'll help with everything but on top of "being a guy" he's also just the type to not get caught up in the details. (This is good - we even each other out! Haha).

pisha82 · July 2012

Wow, so your guys are really involved. Mine said he wanted filet mignon for his dinner, does care about anything else. I dont think he is goign to the tasting with me.He didnt go with me to put down a second deposit. I went myself. He picked our wedding song, said the kind of music he wants but doesnt care other then that. There is nothing he is really intrested in. He doesnt call anyone and dreads having to meet with people. If I never asked him his opinion he would be fine wiht that. He wants a big wedding. He wants it to be elegant, but I fiquire out how to make it happen. He basically tells me to do what I want. I do talk over prices with him he complains about it but then is ok with it. He hates doing anythign wedding, I just do it. I did try to involve him at first then reliezed he doesnt want to do it, so I just do it. He isnt a big party planner, he doesnt like to do it. I do enjoy it so its fine, and i guess im happy I can just do what I want, but I so afraid he wont be happy at the end of the day. I know he will though, he hasnt been disapointed in a party ive done yet so im sure it will be fine. But I really feel its our day, not just mine. But this is him and I know this. He even tells me its my day and do what I want. Which is really nice. So maybe im lucky.

sarahdactyI · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_november-2013-weddings_your-grooms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:cd1f7f85-cf50-4bfe-9bfc-0a3b46d68364Discussion:9434416f-0759-4d5c-8d0b-ab313ba3a4d3Post:40b52d91-4c41-4579-ad21-95ef8a79b789">Re: Your Grooms???</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, so your guys are really involved. Mine said he wanted filet mignon for his dinner, does care about anything else. I dont think he is goign to the tasting with me.He didnt go with me to put down a second deposit. I went myself. He picked our wedding song, said the kind of music he wants but doesnt care other then that. There is nothing he is really intrested in. He doesnt call anyone and dreads having to meet with people. If I never asked him his opinion he would be fine wiht that. He wants a big wedding. He wants it to be elegant, but I fiquire out how to make it happen. He basically tells me to do what I want. I do talk over prices with him he complains about it but then is ok with it. He hates doing anythign wedding, I just do it. I did try to involve him at first then reliezed he doesnt want to do it, so I just do it. <strong>He isnt a big party planner, he doesnt like to do it.</strong> I do enjoy it so its fine, and i guess im happy I can just do what I want, but I so afraid he wont be happy at the end of the day. I know he will though, he hasnt been disapointed in a party ive done yet so im sure it will be fine. But I really feel its our day, not just mine. But this is him and I know this. He even tells me its my day and do what I want. Which is really nice. So maybe im lucky.
Posted by pisha82[/QUOTE]

<div>I think there's a big difference between couples where one person isn't as active in party/wedding planning, and couples where the bride goes a little crazypants planning stuff. It sounds like you are the former :) I think if you read some of the posts on like the Etiquette Board or Wedding Woes you'll see that some brides get out of control and start to feel entitled, are rude to their friends, etc. etc. so that's what I mean when I say I don't like thinking about it as "my" day. </div><div>
</div><div>I mean FI and my parents definitely want it to be about me, haha. I just think it can be dangerous to get too accustomed to that feeling. Because surely these Bridezillas are normal people BEFORE the wedding right? Otherwise how on earth did they get engaged??</div><div>
</div><div>Not everyone is really into the planning stuff! If you like doing it, that's great. I know for me I get kind of stressed by it too so I want FI to help because not all of it is enjoyable for me.</div><div>
</div><div>All of this talk REALLY makes me want to be back home!! My mom has her dress that she's going to open so that I can try it on. She knows I won't wear it for my day but she said it's just something she has always dreamed of doing, no use keeping it heirloomed forever type of thing. Who knows, maybe I'll love it. (...though probably not, it's got the 80's poofy lace sleeves haha.)</div>

gmcr78 · July 2012

Mine is totally involved, with every decision, and every vendor. It's just as much his wedding as mine. We're very much on the same page with everything, so it's really fun.

rajahmd · July 2012

My groom is super involved. One: I'm not the most excited person about wedding planning, it's just not my thing. Two: I'm in medical school, so I don't have time to do all the planning all by myself. Three: He likes being involved. Afterall, it's his wedding too. So far we've made all the decisions together. He even went with me to find my dress. The best part is, we have the same vision, and when we have different visions, we've found a way to merge them. I think the planning process has actually brought us closer and taught us new things about each other.

Shifsgirl · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_november-2013-weddings_your-grooms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:cd1f7f85-cf50-4bfe-9bfc-0a3b46d68364Discussion:9434416f-0759-4d5c-8d0b-ab313ba3a4d3Post:97f120ef-2f12-49ff-bf1a-f627e060c134">Re: Your Grooms???</a>:
[QUOTE]My groom is super involved. One: I'm not the most excited person about wedding planning, it's just not my thing. Two: I'm in medical school, so I don't have time to do all the planning all by myself. Three: He likes being involved. Afterall, it's his wedding too. So far we've made all the decisions together. He even went with me to find my dress. The best part is, we have the same vision, <strong>and when we have different visions, we've found a way to merge them. I think the planning process has actually brought us closer and taught us new things about each other.</strong>
Posted by RachelBFMD[/QUOTE]

THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!!!! BRINGING EACH OTHER CLOSER AND MAKING IT WORK TOGETHER!!!! KUDOS

pisha82 · July 2012

Im still like in shock over your grooms going to the food tasting, mine no intrest at all! The only thing my FI is excitted about is finally having his mom's car for us to drive from the Church to the reception in. His mom passed away when he was a child and he has wanted the car ever since. Well 20 years later he has the car! He spends every weekend doing things to fix it and make it perfect for our day. Its a memory for him. And he is a huge car guy so it is perfect for him.

nmingram · July 2012

I would love if my groom wanted to be involved! I ask him questions and get him to look at things. He says he doesn't care that much about the planning as long as its not very expensive because all he wants is to see me walk down the aile and say "I do". We're going to look at your first venue Monday! I hope it goes well!

Mbecker912 · July 2012

My fience likes to make believe he diesnt car but he does and he is really involded i like narrow things down and then ask for his opinion of everything else and he loves it even though he makes beliee he doesnt

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