This is long. I'm sorry. I just need to get this out of me.....
I'm beside myself. It is two weeks until the wedding and 1:30 in the morning. Am I stressing about the flowers arrangements or updating my registry? Am I a ball of nerves that just can't sleep? No. None of the above.
I'm miserable about the recent falling-out between my sister and I (who is also my MOH). I honestly cannot think about anything else right now. This is good, in a way, because right now I could care less if any of the details pan out....none of them matter. I just want my sister back!!! But I also cannot enjoy this time. My FI has a similar situation going on with his brother/BM so we're kind of going through this together, which is helpful. We're starting to wonder...is it us?
Here is what happened, and I will do my best to tell an unbiased version (though of course there will still be bias since I'm telling it, so try and sift through that).
All of you know that the guest list is the most stressful part of the wedding. Well, it deffinitly was for me! I had two sets of invites going out in different languages...my future in-laws really wanted to invite more people and I had to say no to them (but I love them, so that was hard!), and then my mom added 20 people on at the last minutes but I couldn't argue bc shes paying for it, and then no less than 15 invites came back due to some random address or postage problem and I had to find out what was the problem and then re-send them....it was never-ending!!!
I finally got this all done...all invites out, whew! Until one morning after I had worked until midnight the day before (and also happened to be three days before the bridal shower), my sister called me early in the morning and the conversation went something like this:
Her: "Hi!"
Me: "Hey" *yawns*
Her: "Did you invite Mrs. so and so?"
Me: " What? No...I think I've met her like one time maybe? I probably couldn't tell you who she was in a group of people."
Her: "oh. hm."
Me: "Hm what...what's up?"
Her: "Well she was a little offended that she wasn't invited to the bridal shower, so I really think you should send her a wedding invitation."
Me:"..........."
Her: "Hello?"
Me: " Um. No. I'm not doing that. I hardly know her. No."
Her: "Ok." (in a sarcastic tone)
Me: " Are you mad or something?"
Her: " I really think you should invite her. That's just my opinion."
Me: "Ok. great. Thanks."
Her: "Well....I guess I'll have to smooth things over with her" *sigh*
Me: "You don't need to do anything. I'll handle it. Thanks."
(and then it progressively gets worse....until we BOTH say things we probably didn't mean)
In the end....she ended up calling me "manipulative" while being unable to explain why she thought that. I ended up saying that she was "only my sister when it was convenient" for her, which I have felt for a long time, but very much regret actually saying. The last thing she said to me was that she "didn't need to be in this wedding anymore." Dramatic! All over an univited guest!!
I spent the next two days crying and didn't even want to go to my Bridal Shower at all. I did end up caving in and sending Mrs. So and so an invitation in an effort to create peace. I called a mutual friend to ask her to apologize to Mrs. so and so for overlooking her, and that I would love to see her at the wedding. (I'm a wimp, I know!! But I hate conflict!) But, little did I know that my sister had already gotten to her and made me out to be a bridezilla...telling her that I got all upset and that now we're in a fight (which was true, but why does anyone else need to know? Drama!!!!)
We both managed to fake it for the Bridal Shower and it went ok. I have slowly tried to talk to her, invite her to do things, etc. with the hopes that this will just dissolve. But it hasn't. She has been completely uninvolved with ANYTHING for the past month and a half since the bridal shower. My wedding is in two weeks. So basically...when I've needed her most.
Thankfully I have three amazing friends who are also bridesmaids. Two of them had family members pass away in the past month, so I didn't tell them any of this...I felt like they had enough going on emotionally. But now that they're "back", so to speak, they are very, very supportive. They did notice that my sister had stopped doing anything and now they're trying to make up for lost time (i.e. trying to pull together my bachelorette party that is scheduled for next weekend). I'm sooooo lucky and blessed to have them. Very grateful at this point.
I miss my sister. So much. I feel like she was out of line in the first place, but that we both said things we shouldn't have. I think, as MOH, she should have gone to bat for me to this uninvited person and said "I'm sorry, I'm sure she didn't mean to offend you but there is a limited amount of space. We can't accomodate everyone that we would like to."
I have not apologized, mainly because I'm ALWAYS the one who apologizes. I don't remember a single time in our lives that she's apologized to me. It's always this attitude of "I'm older. I know best." I'm tired of it!! But I'm willing to say sorry now. I'm so tired of this....and I feel horrible....and guilty....and sad. I'm about to marry my best friend!!! I should be happy!!!
She literally has not initiated any communication or offered to help with anything since the fight. Nothing. She did say she would still host the bachelorette party (when I asked about it).....but it is a week away and she hasn't notified anyone or send out invites. I'd even be ok with facebook event at this point. Whatever! I will never have this time in my life again. Maybe I'm being selfish...but it's my wedding. My ONE wedding. Ever.
My other bridesmaid is going to take over the bachelorette party tomorrow. But I'm still torn up about my sister. I love her, I miss her. I want this to be fun for us, as sisters. But i'm heartbroken.
Help please...and I'm sorry this is so long!!!
P.S. To add insult to injury....this guest RSVP'ed with a "mystery extra person". Nice.