Want to hit him with the epathy stick

jessienjeremy · December 2010

My FI is not the type to be like "oh honey it will be ok" he is the total opposite. He usually just very bluntly tells me to get over it ( which sometimes I need to hear). Well I texted about something that happened at work that really upset me and his response "why are you telling me I cant do anything about it do something about it yourself". REALLY? I don't understand why some guys just cant say.. oh honey it will be ok.. you work really hard and I know your boss sees that... I dont think its a lot to ask.. I love him but sometimes i want to shake him...

Anyone else want to hit their FI or H with the epathy stick?

LoveMuffins · December 2010

Haha, my FI said something like that to me once and I responded with something along the lines of "Because I want you to know how utterly useless you are to me of course."

We got into a fight, but once I got it across that I just wanted him to listen and a response wasn't actually necessary other than to let me vent, he's improved in behavior.

Sometimes fire needs to be fought with fire

[Deleted User] · December 2010

My H is like that sometimes. But usually, it's because he wants to help but there isn't really a solution, so he gets frustrated and in turn frustrates me. So when I want to vent, I'll tell him I just want him to listen and that's it. I don't want advice or anything else, just to vent.

trix1223 · December 2010

I think it's just how different people respond to things: some people think that if they're told something, it means that the "teller" wants the "tellee" to fix it. Sounds like that's the issue here and I get that. There are times when I want to be listened to, and times when I want a solution.

I know this was just a minor vent jessie (and that's why I hope you won't mind that I point out that the word is empathy, not epathy), but can I also recommend a great book?

It's called "The Five Love Languages" and it really explains how different people show their love. I've found it to be so, so helpful and makes me realize often how much my DH does love me. He just shows it in his own way.

Callmebetty · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_want-hit-him-epathy-stick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dfce4cf0-aa5d-4e6a-b0e8-502b34fb6bd9Post:7855ccd9-f90a-49ea-b99d-9a502ba505a8">Re: Want to hit him with the epathy stick</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's just how different people respond to things: some people think that if they're told something, it means that the "teller" wants the "tellee" to fix it. Sounds like that's the issue here and I get that.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

<div>This. My FI is the same way. He gets frustrated when I tell him things that he can't fix, or he'll be like, "why are you telling me this?" when I'm just venting or simply talking for no reason in particular. I've had to explain to him that sometimes it's just helpful to say things out loud, that I don't expect anything from him. Figuring out how to communicate has definitely been a process, and we've still got a lot to learn. I expect it's something we'll be working on our whole lives (in a good way). Good luck! </div>

Soon2BeMrsTing · December 2010

I think a lot of times, women just have a much higher number of words-per-minute coming out of their mouths than men do. So we talk about things that bother us, even when we aren't looking for a solution (=venting). Men, in general, are a lot less likely to actually verbalize the things that bother them. They want to make the problem go away.

A problem that can't be fixed = men do not like.

Muffin'sMom · December 2010

That whole men are from Mars and women are from Venus thing really does apply. Give them a problem and they will want to FIX it...not talk about it! Thirty years later, my husband still does it. The difference is that I have come to understand that it is his way of saying he loves me. He sees me having a problem and wants to fix it so I'll feel better...and also probably so I'll stop talking about it!

vegasgroom · December 2010

What is epathy?

Marrin713 · December 2010

H is left brained = very practical. And like most men, if he can't "fix" it, then he doesn't offer up a whole lot of empathy. And as a prior poster wrote, sometimes just too many words are flying out of our mouths and sometimes they're accompanied by tears. H likes the story concise and right to the point.

Vegas - epathy = maybe an internet thing

LoveMuffins · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_want-hit-him-epathy-stick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:dfce4cf0-aa5d-4e6a-b0e8-502b34fb6bd9Post:7855ccd9-f90a-49ea-b99d-9a502ba505a8">Re: Want to hit him with the epathy stick</a>:
[QUOTE] but can I also recommend a great book? It's called "The Five Love Languages" and it really explains how different people show their love. I've found it to be so, so helpful and makes me realize often how much my DH does love me. He just shows it in his own way.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

I LOVE THAT BOOK!!!!

SheenaNash1 · December 2010

Man, I'd be super pissed. I don't really have super good advice, but I'd probably go off on my FI if he said something to me like that! But I have heard about the love languages book as well, a friend said it worked wonders for her and her husband. So that might be worth a try! But hey if that doesnt work...maybe a smack upside the head might do the trick! j/k!

trix1223 · December 2010

I'm sure she meant empathy.

: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this

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