Pennsylvania-Pittsburgh

Etiquette question

I want to get your opinions on something. I am a bridesmaid in a wedding coming up. In discussing plans for the bridal shower, one of the other bridesmaids suggested buying envelopes for guests to write their names and addresses on to help the bride with thank you cards. Tacky or not?

I suggested this might be an etiquette issue, but wanted to see what everyone thought. Hope this doesn't offend anyone, I just want to hear your thoughts. I should caveat that this is going to be a huge shower (60+ people)

TIA!

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Re: Etiquette question

  • gmc22gmc22 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't know the proper etiquitte on this (or really anything for that matter! lol), but we did this at my SILs shower a few months ago - Actually, her mom thought it up and organized it. I think it worked out well for her but I'm not sure. IMO, I don't see a problem with it - sorry, not the best advice in the world! lol - GL

    ETA - She had a HUGE shower... about 80ish ppl - so for her this was the best option.
  • edited December 2011
    I have seen this done at tons of showers!  (bridal and baby)  As a guest, it has never bothered me...
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  • ros3392ros3392 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    One of my BM's suggested that for my shower and I wasn't comfortable with it. I am glad they asked me before going ahead with it. I would talk to the bride, or maybe her mom or sister to see what her feelings would be on it. That's just my opinion!
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  • edited December 2011
    My cousin did this! I'd never heard of it before her shower but I thought it was a great idea.  Not tacky at all in my opinion....I didn't hear anyone say anything either....but that's just me.  Makes your life easier too when preparing thank yous.
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  • carcrashheartcarcrashheart member
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    edited December 2011
    i hate it. i've always thought it was tacky. X# of people took time out of their own day to spend money on you by purchasing you a gift and spending time with you while watching you open your gifts and you can't manage to write their address on an envelope? might as well just stuff the wedding programs with a blank envelope for everyone to write their address on it for when the couple sends out their wedding thank you's.

    you're already filling out the card. adding the address takes 30 more seconds.
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with JBean.

    Assuming all these people were mailed an invitation to the shower, the bride (or the host) should already have the addresses. Having people write their own on the envelopes is just lazy. Is she also planning on pre-printing thank you cards?!
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  • Ash2985Ash2985 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, I would be weirded out by that and wouldn't want them to do it at my shower.  Like Nunu said, it's like the laziest you can get next to sending out pre-printed thank you cards (or not sending them at all, I guess).
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  • edited December 2011
    I also think it's tacky!! I had no idea that one of my BMs had planned on doing it at my shower. I would have def. stopped it if I knew. I had already purchased the cutest thank you cards and ended up using my own and writing all the addresses anyway.
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  • carnkaymumcarnkaymum member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I can see the pros and cons to doing the envelopes this way and agree with points on both sides. I may appear lazy to some people, also it's far less time consuming for someone sending out boatloads of thank yous.  I agree with the comment that you should ask the bride and the person throwing the shower firstly. You also could try and think of a way to leave it up to the guest like a pretty decorated basket with the blank enveopes in it. That way guests can choose not to do it if they don't like the idea.  Good Luck!
  • pantherRNpantherRN member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I also don't know what the etiquette rules say, but I would ask the bride. It hasn't bothered me for other showers, but I don't want it for my own.
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  • edited December 2011
    IMO I don't see it as being tacky or lazy, AS LONG AS the bride is sure to include a very personalized note inside the thank you card.  It seems as if this is just one of those personal opinion/preference issues, so I agree to ask the bride what she thinks.
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  • edited December 2011
    I think etiquette issues are more for the wedding. Your shower is supposed to be fun and relaxed. With all the commotion of opening gifts and throwing around bows and paper sometimes the gift cards get lost or your MOH forgets to write something down. I think it would be worse to forget to send a thank-you than to ask someone to write down their name and address.
  • edited December 2011
    I don't really see anything wrong with it, but I never thought about some of the points other people brought up. At a wedding shower I went to last Spring, they did this but instead of simply asking the guests to fill out their name & address on an envelope and hand it over, each bridesmaid made a basket - there was a wine basket, a pasta basket, a beach basket, a movie basket, etc. Then as guests arrived, they were instructed to put their name and address on an envelope and place it in the drawing for whichever basket they were interested in winning. The leftover envelopes from people who did not win a basket were then used for door prizes and what not. Something to think about!
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  • JamieK1882JamieK1882 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have seen this done at showers, and I absolutley HATE it. I had a huge shower (100+ people), and I hand wrote every single address on the thank you cards. If they are giving up their weekend to come to my shower, and give me a gift, then I can take the time to write them a thank you note. I also know some older women who are offended by this (grandmother and her friends...)
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  • CLW102409CLW102409 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto everything Carcrash said. 

    I've done it at showers before, not that it bothered me but I found it to be very tacky.  It was not done at my showers.  I feel that these people took the time out of their day to spend time with you, the least you can do is write their address on an envelope. 
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  • edited December 2011
    I don't see it tacky or rude at all! People's addresses change!

    In the shower's I've been to where brides have done this it was veiwed by the guests as them being helpful. "One less thing for the bride to worry about!" I find zero wrong with it.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-pittsburgh_etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:116Discussion:ddf55359-2e66-49f6-9fd6-52c7342f7f59Post:dd0c9c2f-3a67-44b1-a394-81b5bced7ac8">Re: Etiquette question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have seen this done at showers, and I absolutley HATE it. I had a huge shower (100+ people), and I hand wrote every single address on the thank you cards. If they are giving up their weekend to come to my shower, and give me a gift, then I can take the time to write them a thank you note. I also know some older women who are offended by this (grandmother and her friends...)
    Posted by JamieK1882[/QUOTE]

    I agree that older guests will likely be offended. I see it as lazy and unnecessary. If you want that big of a shower, then it's your responsibility to write all of the thank you notes, addresses and all. Just because it's the shower and not as formal as the wedding isn't a good excuse.
  • edited December 2011
    Tacky. It's lazy and cheapens the value of a thank you card.

    I hate how "being busy" seems to be a new excuse for everything. Yes, everyone is busy, not just the bride.
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  • edited December 2011
    Another option to ensure the bride has all of the correct addresses is to have each guest sign their name in an address book, along with a little advice note.  I've seen this and thought it was a great idea.
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